Roll Call 185

I PMd you

Looks like food banks in my county are mostly open on Saturdays

slumber kitty, thank you so much. i am in tears . i appreciate you very much

yeah like my church is open 8-12 M-F and then we do a big food drive once a month on the third or fourth Saturday. But people can walk in and get food when the office is open. Might be worth checking with some churches. Several around here will do food pantry type things. In So. Cal at least.

No problem. Y'all are my good friends.

Hey Guys! I got an appointment to go to the Animal Shelter on Saturday! 10 AM! Please y'all pray for me to get a cat that is cuddly! I really miss my Esther and I really want a cuddly cat. I only have one hour to pick one out I think. So please pray that I will know which one is the right one. I'm so excited right now. I wish it were Saturday!

I used my sisters yoga mat in the living room to meditate for 10 minutes - I set a timer. My back was facing against the window - Lots of thoughts but kept bringing myself back to the breath. Tomorrow I'll do it for 20 minutes (Mindfulness meditation) and I'll try and do this every day in the afternoon or when I'm finished working.

The stimulant gives me a good amount of focus every time that I do this - But I feel a lingering sense of sadness like everything will being taken away and that I'll be tortured - But I'll try not to manifest this and only mention it once. I think it leads to gratitude.

The mushes will come in handy for later once I get the hang of this.

If anyone has some insight about myself and what I've been posting here, let me know - Positive or negative. It would help me out.

I haven't talked to anyone in a long time and I feel like I'm just on autopilot. I'm not scared of criticism. I'm never anxious (Except when I get rare dissociative panic attacks) - So no Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I like to face my problems head on because I'm too curious but it seems like I've just been getting bad luck lately.

I feel like every piece of me is damaged because I can't let go of the toxicity of what those people said in the video chat. My self esteem has become very low. I realize that I need to change and stop avoiding pain. I feel like I'm manifesting a self-torturous hell.

I feel like I don't care about myself or like I don't even want to. What's the point? I've been around so many sociopaths. Idk if I really take anything seriously. People are like "I must do this because this happened in life". I don't get it. I never felt like I had a choice in anything - And I'm a long way from ever standing up for myself. Assertiveness feels like aggression because I've been so beaten down that any time I try, it's at the wrong time or unneeded. It's like I want to fix things NOW.

Maybe I have a form of psychosis. My thoughts are mixed with mystical forces or demons controlling all of my thoughts - Maybe OCD.

I don't really have any insight Desoxyn, but I am sending you hugs. You haven't quite seemed like yourself lately. You've seemed a bit "down" to me but IDK. Maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe you seem a little flat. Like not excited about stuff. Sorry you are on autopilot, I know that's hard. HUGS, feel better D.

Gosh I wish it were Saturday. Can't wait to meet the cats! There's a couple of pretty pretty ones on the website. Luna, Coral, Vivian, Ava. I hope one of them is cuddly.

I picked boby out at the shelter. He was beautiful and spunky and wanted to play. I had gone in there wanting a grey cat cause all my other cats were grey babies. but i chose boby. They told me he was neurotic and feral which he was for the first few months. But i eventually got him to calm down and get in with my routines. Now he's the biggest fluffiest floppiest baby ever

Boby.....

Awe! What a cute story. I love all cats. I don't have a certain cat in mind. Although there is a black one and an orange one that have caught my eye. Amelia is white so maybe not a white cat but if I end up with two white cats that's okay. Just looking for some snuggles!

Beautiful!

Thank you for being so kind

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Ignore my last post. It doesn't make any sense.

I had a talk with my sister. It helped a lot. I was talking more coherent than usual.

I ended up not going grocery shopping today because the agoraphobia kind of got the best of me. But I'm definitely gonna go tomorrow. At least I got a 15 minute walk outside. My new shoes are very comfortable.

When I talk to my doctor next Tuesday I'm gonna see about coming off perphenazine since I don't think I need it anymore since I have the abilify injection and all my other meds.

I plan on practicing ukulele every day. For at least 15 minutes. Usually quite a bit longer but at least that much.

Well, I'm going to read for awhile

I'm trying to cut back on sugar, like a lot. But I'm also trying to do a week without caffeine. Maybe I should just do one thing at a time though?

Cut back on sugar and coffee for a week and then when the week is over, put sugar in your coffee for a week as a treat, then a little bit and then stop sugar (But still have other treats).. (That's my thought process on how I'd do it).

Idk if that's helpful at all o.-

I sat in the living room all day and my cat has been sleeping beside me all day. She usually stays in my room. She follows me everywhere I go.