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Old Today, 12:38 AM   #661
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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Originally Posted by 12AM View Post
Iím going to miss my cat, Bambita. Sheís been clingy more than usual, keeps talking to me with sad eyes. It feels like she knows Iím leaving. In my country cops will never worry about cats being outside. There are so many stray cats
Awe <3 Cats really can tell when you're leaving. Any time I starting packing things like my bags, etc,.. She knows..

She knows when I'm tripping too!
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Old Today, 01:02 AM   #662
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Default Roll Call 185

I was just jokingÖ

Trying to see if it would perk her upÖbut I know nothing helps right now while someoneís in grief. Just hurts me to see her so sad.
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Old Today, 02:41 AM   #663
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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Originally Posted by Job 30 26 View Post
SP, how are you? There is a line by epicurus that goes something like, never say you lost her, only that you've given her back. I found that when I was trying to write something for my grandfather's funeral... I don't know if you can sit still and read a book, but there was a poet named Tennyson, he lost his best friend and grieved for years. He wrote a book length poem named In Memoriam, it's about science, his faith, and his great loss, him trying to come to some understanding as he wrestled with life's contradictions.

Thanks Job, I will try to find it, maybe for the weekend though. I have to work but itís mostly craft projects so I canít be crying etc which reading has made me do in the past. It was funny well sort of when I got in the car after work that song save your tears for another day came on. Anyway we are also having the summer reading challenge which they have decided for staff that if you win you get a day off paid which is awesome.also I read a couple of books on grief and one called when breath becomes air has really helped. Itís about an MD who died of cancer and spoiler he dies before finishing the book but the insights he has in his last days are really helpful. The suddenness of the death conveys how it really is, and his wife finishes the book from her perspective. But one of the things he says is one more glass of wine with someone wonít make you love them more. Basically there is never enough time and doing one more thing together wonít make them love you more because itís already at a maximum love Roll Call 185

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Old Today, 03:00 AM   #664
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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Thanks Job, I will try to find it, maybe for the weekend though. I have to work but itís mostly craft projects so I canít be crying etc which reading has made me do in the past. It was funny well sort of when I got in the car after work that song save your tears for another day came on. Anyway we are also having the summer reading challenge which they have decided for staff that if you win you get a day off paid which is awesome.also I read a couple of books on grief and one called when breath becomes air has really helped. Itís about an MD who died of cancer and spoiler he dies before finishing the book but the insights he has in his last days are really helpful. The suddenness of the death conveys how it really is, and his wife finishes the book from her perspective. But one of the things he says is one more glass of wine with someone wonít make you love them more. Basically there is never enough time and doing one more thing together wonít make them love you more because itís already at a maximum love Roll Call 185

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Thatís beautifully said, thank you. Roll Call 185
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Old Today, 08:42 AM   #665
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

I canít stop hearing voices
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Old Today, 08:59 AM   #666
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

Iím leaving this world and going into vr today

What should I play?

Roll Call 185
Roll Call 185
Roll Call 185
Roll Call 185
Roll Call 185
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Old Today, 09:09 AM   #667
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

Yesterday I was at the liquor store buying some wine and tequila. Usually my sister would pack and help carry stuff but because of restrictions only one person allowed per household in the store.

So I paid, and I got so anxious packing up because there were people waiting. I was shaking and almost felt like I was going to have a panic attack but I managed to get packed and carried out my stuff.

But ugh Iím just frustrated by social anxiety. I need to not care what people behind me are thinking.

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Old Today, 10:13 AM   #668
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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Hey I was wondering if thereís anyway we could help Door2015 out through like a cash app or something similar? I mean if maybe we all kinda chipped in?Ö

Sheís dealing with her mom, and being a caretaker for her mom, who recently developed Alzheimerís. She dropped everything where she lived to move in with her mom to do that, take care of her. Itís a full time job for her at this point, and taking care of her moms dog which has been neglected due to nature of the disease. Her and her husband donít have a way to bring in income for their small business, because they canít get a PPP loan for their business as govt funds have stopped. She has 50 dollars in her bank.
I wish I could help but I have no money anymore and no checking/savings/debit accounts.

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Old Today, 10:17 AM   #669
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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I'm so sorry, SP. Hugs and love to you.

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Old Today, 11:02 AM   #670
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

Was really out of it yesterday because I mistakenly took my night meds in the morning. I slept much of the day on the couch. I feel much better this morning, anxiety-wise, too. I will be hanging out with my sister this afternoon.

SP just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts today.
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Old Today, 11:04 AM   #671
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

Work is going to be long and boring today. I best come up with something to do!
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Old Today, 11:11 AM   #672
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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Originally Posted by cogladaid View Post
Yesterday I was at the liquor store buying some wine and tequila. Usually my sister would pack and help carry stuff but because of restrictions only one person allowed per household in the store.

So I paid, and I got so anxious packing up because there were people waiting. I was shaking and almost felt like I was going to have a panic attack but I managed to get packed and carried out my stuff.

But ugh Iím just frustrated by social anxiety. I need to not care what people behind me are thinking.

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Something I had to realize in regards to extreme social anxiety, which I suffered with in the 2000s, was that people aren't focused on me like I think they are. it's almost kind of a delusion of grandeur in a sense that I felt like literally everyone was watching me, laughing at me, etc when in reality no one is paying that much attention to me.
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Old Today, 11:18 AM   #673
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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When I was a kid I got burning coal from the fire and put it in the bathroom sink.. I wanted to see what happened. I burnt holes in the carpet..
Lol the oldest of my roommates kids have put a cinnamon roll in the microwave, it smoked in the kitchen and came out black and the oldest put it in the toilet.

Also another time the oldest turn on the stove with a plastic plate on the burner. It had chicken on it so idk what he was thinking? He thought he warm up the chicken to eat.
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Old Today, 03:03 PM   #674
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

Helen (new cat) is doing better. She is taking her medicine like a champ now and last night she slept on my lap for about 45 minutes while I was in the living room. Introducing her to Amelia didn't go so well. Amelia was scared and wanted out of there. Helen just looked at her and didn't respond. I rewarded Amelia for meeting Helen with food but she's been pretty scarce around the house since she realized she's not the only cat there. She did sniff under Helen's door this morning which I took as a good sign.

Helen just wants to stay in her safe zone in the spare bedroom but I have to work on getting her to find safe zones in other areas of the house, particularly because my sister is coming for my birthday at the end of the month and Helen will need to vacate the room. So I have been trying to help her explore the house. I think it's hard with the Elizabeth collar on. She bumps into stuff and then backs up awkwardly and then starts again. Unfortunately, the Elizabeth collar can't come off until the 24th so she still has a ways.

This weekend I plan to work on Helen getting out of the room more, since I won't be at work. I plan to make that my number 1 priority. And she didn't make as big of a mess with her litter last night. She still managed to get a fair bit out of the box but it wasn't as huge of a pile as it was the past two days. So she's coming along. The nap on my lap was the best last night! Rarely would Esther sit with me on my lap like that. And Amelia has done so infrequently, usually in the morning when no one else is up. But for Helen to do so when Mom and Dad and Emma were in the room too was pure gold.
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Old Today, 03:15 PM   #675
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
Helen (new cat) is doing better. She is taking her medicine like a champ now and last night she slept on my lap for about 45 minutes while I was in the living room. Introducing her to Amelia didn't go so well. Amelia was scared and wanted out of there. Helen just looked at her and didn't respond. I rewarded Amelia for meeting Helen with food but she's been pretty scarce around the house since she realized she's not the only cat there. She did sniff under Helen's door this morning which I took as a good sign.

Helen just wants to stay in her safe zone in the spare bedroom but I have to work on getting her to find safe zones in other areas of the house, particularly because my sister is coming for my birthday at the end of the month and Helen will need to vacate the room. So I have been trying to help her explore the house. I think it's hard with the Elizabeth collar on. She bumps into stuff and then backs up awkwardly and then starts again. Unfortunately, the Elizabeth collar can't come off until the 24th so she still has a ways.

This weekend I plan to work on Helen getting out of the room more, since I won't be at work. I plan to make that my number 1 priority. And she didn't make as big of a mess with her litter last night. She still managed to get a fair bit out of the box but it wasn't as huge of a pile as it was the past two days. So she's coming along. The nap on my lap was the best last night! Rarely would Esther sit with me on my lap like that. And Amelia has done so infrequently, usually in the morning when no one else is up. But for Helen to do so when Mom and Dad and Emma were in the room too was pure gold.
My cat was a love bug. She was either on my lap or tucking her head under my chin purring like a locomotive. I had her since she was a young kitten, which helps a lot, and she was a strictly indoor cat which makes a difference too. I let her go out if she wanted fresh air but usually she would just stand there confused lol. It sounds like Helen is getting more comfortable in her new home. Roll Call 185
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Old Today, 03:27 PM   #676
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

I have to put my new clothes in the laundry but I haven't put my name in them yet. They will put paper tape name tags in my stuff after that. They're dark blue so I can use a silver sharpie and feel less dismay at ruining them. Not sure how I'll handle the lighter shaded colors that I can't use silver in. I don't know.

Every day I have minor anxiety about name tags, showers, etc. I finally had an easy opportunity to get my hair cut on Monday but I was too afraid to step up. So it's still a long mess annoying me. I have a lot of anxiety about food and candy and my weight.
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Old Today, 03:34 PM   #677
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

HUGS Angelique67 I'm sorry about the anxiety
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Old Today, 03:41 PM   #678
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

My friend will be going back to NYC starting in September. I feel sick about it. I try to remind myself that he was living in NYC before the past two years, but he had my apartment to sleep in. He will be getting rid of my apartment before September I guess. If I want to go back I guess I could try but as I get older my health will be in worse shape and I might not be able to manage living alone. I still can't take the stairs alone.

If I want to live independently I'd better start whatever I have to do. Hopefully someone can help me with the stairs when I have med appointments. My friend was coming every time I had an appointment before I got committed until the horrible day I refused to go to the pdoc, and he was so mad at me he called an ambulance on me. And I ended up here. September is really close. Moving out will be a major undertaking. I don't know what to do.
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Old Today, 03:41 PM   #679
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Default Re: Roll Call 185

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HUGS Angelique67 I'm sorry about the anxiety
Thank you, Kit!!!
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