Roll Call 185

Desoxyn · Jun 23, 2021 at 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I'm sorry your doctor is such a jerk Desoxyn. Do you like your psychiatrist though? Wishing you well.

Yes my psychiatrist is very good. He's won awards and stuff, specializes in helping minorities as well + when in isolated locations through tele-psychiatry. He's the emergency psychiatrist but I said he's good so he sees me every 3 months =]

Desoxyn · Jun 23, 2021 at 01:29 PM

I don't think I've felt so clear minded and good after waking up before - Must be the exercise. I usually sleep incredibly well every night.

I have to accept that this is my normal state - And not the cynical/nihilistic/apathetic/agitated/despair etc states where I beat myself up - Usually it never happens but has been happening lately.

newtus · Jun 23, 2021 at 02:34 PM

That was really beautiful 12am

I hope you adjust quickly and are happy for decades to come

Welcome home

12AM · Jun 23, 2021 at 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Congrats 12AM. I am sure you will be adjusted to your new life in your time. HUGS Kit

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

That was really beautiful 12am

I hope you adjust quickly and are happy for decades to come

Welcome home

Thanks guys

Angelique67 · Jun 23, 2021 at 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Yeah no worries. I need to stop smoking CBD weed - It's not psychosis anymore. I just become extremely hard on myself and paranoid.

I went for a hike today with my mom and I feel better. She also validated? My paranoia about her.

I saw the psychiatrist and my mom was there. They are concerned about agitation so he prescribed more clonazepam - At this point I've come to accept my irritability and now people are finally starting to be concerned about it.

I spent many months knocking myself out with risperidone in the past..

I put a pink collar on my cat (Angel) and they will be hot this weekend.. It will get up to 36C/97F degrees.

I'll try and exercise more and stay off the internet. I confuse this support place with the rest of the internet but it's different.. Just people constantly arguing and mud slides of toxicity everywhere.

I'll be fine ^-;

I've worried you're paranoid of me because I don't know any other old people around here. Please don't be weirded out by me. I'm in my own little hell thousands of miles away. I would never want to hurt you or see you hurt. Hugs and prayers.

Desoxyn · Jun 23, 2021 at 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I've worried you're paranoid of me because I don't know any other old people around here. Please don't be weirded out by me. I'm in my own little hell thousands of miles away. I would never want to hurt you or see you hurt. Hugs and prayers.

Oh God no! Not "old" - I meant like members that have been here for a long time.. Like that they know me more and am insecure cuz it's like if people know me, and they all hate me.. Then I my real self must be worth nothing? So I'd have to create a third persona > ; ) I was just having a tough time.. The video chat people caused it (Person I talked to for literally only 10 minutes 2 years ago).

I love older wise people! I'm not weirded out by anyone here. I like you Angelique ^-; I want don't want you to suffer either and it makes me unhappy that you are in that hell.. But gotta be stoicish about it, make the best out of it, have hope.. We're all magnetic spiritual energy that transforms and changes.. Things will always be better. Even hell (Life) gets better over time...

Job 30 26 · Jun 23, 2021 at 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

"In the past, theorists tended to think of nostalgia as a bad thing – a retreat in the face of uncertainty, stress or unhappiness. ... Research I've conducted since 1998 has shown that nostalgic memories tend to focus on our relationships, which can comfort us during stressful or difficult times."

Quote:

From New Latin nostalgia, coined from Ancient Greek νόστος (nóstos, “returning home”) + ἄλγος (álgos, “pain”).

Returning home to pain. Returnings was a big concept in the greek world, it's what Odysseus was trying to do in the Odyssey, its the greek world resetting everything before they went to Troy to wage war over something foolish. It's Agamemnon returning home to a wife that kills him. Its a reminder that some things can never be the same so it can be bitter.

But this is just how the Greeks viewed it, I do get warm nostalgic feelings all the time too. = )

Job 30 26 · Jun 23, 2021 at 07:51 PM

12AM it took a lot of courage to travel across the sea to be with the one you love. I'm glad you're among good people. = )

Job 30 26 · Jun 23, 2021 at 08:01 PM

Had some paranoid thoughts today but I'm holding strong. No triggers. No flight or fight response. I talked to my pdoc yesterday and we briefly talked about my emotions returning. My therapist says mid to high chance they do, my pdoc doesn't think that's the case, she's much more pessimistic which I respect. She thinks my numbing is much more pervasive.

Anyways, I'm still talking to my friend. We're watching Loki together. We exchanged phone numbers, so it seems like we're getting closer. Loki is so great, guys. It's really fantastic. It just gets deeper and deeper in new, unexplained territory. Time travel stories have gotten so much better over the years. I love how Marvel is getting extra weird and cosmic. = )

newtus · Jun 24, 2021 at 01:50 AM

I can’t sleep at all and haven’t been able to since I got my iPad. I feel like my mind is being tortured. Im not tired yet my body is tired. Idk what to do. This is truly an awful feeling.

junkDNA · Jun 24, 2021 at 07:27 AM

I got a new job, the one I was waiting for, working under the 2 chefs I worked with at my old job before they left there. I start today! I went to the interview yesterday and it went great. I have to buy a black polo shirt. I'm gonna do that on the way to work. My shifts are 11-7 mon thru fri. I'm pretty excited. I also got approved for food stamps and am waiting on that card to come in the mail!!

newtus · Jun 24, 2021 at 07:41 AM

I got this Sleeve for my Apple Pencil

Ceara1010 · Jun 24, 2021 at 10:17 AM

I was in a weird mood yesterday and didn't really enjoy myself when I went over to my folks' place for our routine Wednesday get together. I was a little irritable and I feel the same way today. It's probably the diet, I see that now. But my mood improves as I write so I'll try and write a lot today.

I've not been triggered by any delusional intrusions in a week but memories of them bombard my head so they are always on my mind. I need to practice clearing them out with some mindfulness meditation.

I have my T appointment this morning which we are still doing online. I like doing them online as I don't have to deal with driving there and parking.

Have a peaceful day

Ceara

WastingAsparagus · Jun 24, 2021 at 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Job 30 26

I need to make some changes pretty soon. I'm on a payment program to pay off something that could really help me find a new job, that will be paid off in January so then I can find a new job. The question is what can I do with my degree? Maybe I should take a dive into that book What color is your parachute. My father recommended it to me 20 years ago but it was of no use then lol If I don't make a choice, someone will for me.

My advice would just be to educate yourself on what jobs are out there. It's somewhat overwhelming - the job world - but I think you could find something you like. Maybe read some books on the job world and how to define your values and things you like about work and stuff like that?

Ceara1010 · Jun 24, 2021 at 04:09 PM

Had a good session with my T today; we covered a lot of ground. She wants me focusing on the here and now at present rather than talking about past issues which makes sense as long as I keep getting triggered by delusional intrusions.

Angelique67 · Jun 24, 2021 at 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Oh God no! Not "old" - I meant like members that have been here for a long time.. Like that they know me more and am insecure cuz it's like if people know me, and they all hate me.. Then I my real self must be worth nothing? So I'd have to create a third persona > ; ) I was just having a tough time.. The video chat people caused it (Person I talked to for literally only 10 minutes 2 years ago).

I love older wise people! I'm not weirded out by anyone here. I like you Angelique ^-; I want don't want you to suffer either and it makes me unhappy that you are in that hell.. But gotta be stoicish about it, make the best out of it, have hope.. We're all magnetic spiritual energy that transforms and changes.. Things will always be better. Even hell (Life) gets better over time...

Thànk you! I'm sorry I misunderstood. Things are getting kind of bad here in the nursing home either because I screamed at one of the roommates or the janitor at my apartment managed to spread a lot of malicious gossip about me. Or all of it. Two people I trusted here were having fun telling me I was too late for the smoke break. So I missed both of them today.

It's weird here and I want to go home.

Angelique67 · Jun 24, 2021 at 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Oh God no! Not "old" - I meant like members that have been here for a long time.. Like that they know me more and am insecure cuz it's like if people know me, and they all hate me.. Then I my real self must be worth nothing? So I'd have to create a third persona > ; ) I was just having a tough time.. The video chat people caused it (Person I talked to for literally only 10 minutes 2 years ago).

I love older wise people! I'm not weirded out by anyone here. I like you Angelique ^-; I want don't want you to suffer either and it makes me unhappy that you are in that hell.. But gotta be stoicish about it, make the best out of it, have hope.. We're all magnetic spiritual energy that transforms and changes.. Things will always be better. Even hell (Life) gets better over time...

Yes, I understand now. Lots of hugs and

Desoxyn · Jun 24, 2021 at 06:07 PM

Desoxyn · Jun 24, 2021 at 06:15 PM

I'm procrastinating trying to meditate or read. I just need to start... But I'm unsure of things...

cogladaid · Jun 24, 2021 at 09:41 PM

Proud of myself. I brushed my teeth this morning, worked all day, limited myself to two beers, went on a walk, resisted the urge to sleep in my clothes, washed my face, and brushed my teeth before bed.

Feeling almost normal.

Now I have to repeat it all again tomorrow.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Roll Call 185

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,003 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,919 hugs given	Jun 23, 2021 at 01:29 PM #782 I don't think I've felt so clear minded and good after waking up before - Must be the exercise. I usually sleep incredibly well every night. I have to accept that this is my normal state - And not the cynical/nihilistic/apathetic/agitated/despair etc states where I beat myself up - Usually it never happens but has been happening lately.

newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Jun 23, 2021 at 02:34 PM #783 That was really beautiful 12am I hope you adjust quickly and are happy for decades to come Welcome home __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Job 30 26 Grand Member Member Since Jan 2020 Location: Norway Posts: 897 4 1,251 hugs given	Jun 23, 2021 at 07:51 PM #788 12AM it took a lot of courage to travel across the sea to be with the one you love. I'm glad you're among good people. = )

newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Jun 24, 2021 at 07:41 AM #792 I got this Sleeve for my Apple Pencil __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,003 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,919 hugs given	Jun 24, 2021 at 06:07 PM #798

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,003 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,919 hugs given	Jun 24, 2021 at 06:15 PM #799 I'm procrastinating trying to meditate or read. I just need to start... But I'm unsure of things...

cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Jun 24, 2021 at 09:41 PM #800 Proud of myself. I brushed my teeth this morning, worked all day, limited myself to two beers, went on a walk, resisted the urge to sleep in my clothes, washed my face, and brushed my teeth before bed. Feeling almost normal. Now I have to repeat it all again tomorrow. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk