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hoodwink
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Default Jun 05, 2021 at 01:55 PM
  #1
I thought about what I might have got wrong prior to my psychosis.

Something like do I want to be in a man-made experience machine where only happiness is the goal? (most university courses feel like this)

Or do I want deeper contact with reality, not an artificial man-made reality?

Do I want to actually do things rather than just have the experience of doing them?

And the biggest question of all that I didn't see coming - what kind of person do I want to be?

I wondered - many of the people in my treatment group were people who had dropped out of university - I didn't - but I still experienced the above reality.

I wondered whether people have experienced anything similar?
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The_little_didgee
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Thumbs up Jun 06, 2021 at 10:55 AM
  #2
Psychosis is definitely life changing.

Strange but recovery made me a better person. It forced me to see the realities of my life. I realized I had to live on my own terms to move ahead. I also learned to appreciate life a lot more and embrace who I am. Those realizations helped me regain a meaningful life.

My recovery goals were focused mainly on contentment, not happiness, while respecting my limitations. It took a while but I managed to figure it all out and find meaningful full-time employment that fit me.

I used to miss my illness a lot, because it filled a void and gave me reason to live, even though it tortured me. I had purpose in my own reality. It was an escape and a place of isolation and loneliness that was strangely comforting. Sometimes I have moments where I want it to return so I don't have to do any adulting.



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Thanks for this!
Sometimes psychotic, unsure123
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Default Jun 06, 2021 at 11:18 AM
  #3
I was maybe the opposite...I was a scientist What I might have got wrong looking at everything through a practical lens.....now I’m out for a more balanced enjoyment of life while helping people.

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hoodwink
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Default Jun 07, 2021 at 01:31 PM
  #4
@The_little_didgee: Ok thanks for your reply.


Psychosis is if nothing else life changing. I was looking at a Tarot card recently (the Death card). The card typically depicts the Grim Reaper, and when used for divination is often interpreted as signifying major changes in a person's life. Many of the images and voices that I had in my psychosis were around death, but interpreted like this it can be taken to mean "significant change" - and this is exactly what happened. Often the people around me took it for it's literal meaning and perhaps I did as well.
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Default Jun 07, 2021 at 08:43 PM
  #5
Psychosis is kind of a blessing. It sucks at the same time too. I'm weak. My dad used to say we were mentally strong. I broke. It's made it so i don't have to work full time. I live life on my terms. It also took away my kids ended my marriages. And gave me a life without family of my own. But I'm reasonably happy, within reason.

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