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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 06:20 PM
  #1
What might be numbing me is that my stress hormones might be that high, every morning is a feat, so that very well could be it. But at about 12pm I always level out.

Something big occurred recently, for 5 years I've had to supplment protein shakes to fight my anxiety every day or every other day, and I noticed I don't need them anymore. Before when Id skip two days, Id feel overcome by anxiety, it was almost like akathasia where I'd tap my feet for 5 hours in excruciating anxiety or internal restlessness. I don't know how to tell them apart exactly. So maybe my stress level is slowly getting better, a few years ago I had to take a mood stabilizer to control my anxiety, but I dont need one of those anymore but to sleep.

My pdoc really did a number on me. 9 years and I'm still trying to recover from all the drugs he pushed on me. I pray to god I get my emotions back... = (
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 06:32 PM
  #2
I feel so relieved I was able to talk to someone today.....

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 06:39 PM
  #3
If I mention schizophrenia negative symptoms to my treatment team, I don't think they offer much help because people think that it's hopeless. So I instead say "ADHD symptoms" and people have all the answers..
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 06:44 PM
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If I mention schizophrenia negative symptoms to my treatment team, I don't think they offer much help because people think that it's hopeless. So I instead say "ADHD symptoms" and people have all the answers..
Yeah, my pdoc is the same way. Me and my therapist were deciding how to confront people that notice im off, and he said maybe tell them you're on the spectrum, so I told my pdoc that, and then this weak she suggested I have autism hahaha, what a mess.
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 06:48 PM
  #5
RIght now I can feel my stomach is tense, it's almost always like this. Mornings are worse. This is what The Body Keeps Score is trying to convey, that my trauma is embodied in my body, most noticably in my stomach (that could be due to the Wellbutrin my pdoc thought was a good idea though). Can a person have trauma from med experiences? Because... lol
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 06:49 PM
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RIght now I can feel my stomach is tense, it's almost always like this. Mornings are worse. This is what The Body Keeps Score is trying to convey, that my trauma is embodied in my body, most noticably in my stomach (that could be due to the Wellbutrin my pdoc thought was a good idea though). Can a person have trauma from med experiences? Because... lol

So they said I had something else, not ptsd but it was similar but milder....and it was from the psychosis itself.

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 07:22 PM
  #7
Having an extremely horrifying bad trip on a tryptamine the day after I was traumatized after being put in the hospital for my good trips really sucked.

I had like 100 episodes of depersonalization/derealization since then. They got worse and worse as the years went on. I was put on olanzepine which stopped it. I wonder if olanzepine helps with PTSD.. *Let me Google*..

..

Ok.. " In conclusion, the study indicates that olanzapine treatment is useful in alleviating the symptoms of combat-induced PTSD."

The fact that olanzepine is a TRIP KILLER that psychonauts use to stop bad trips -, let alone reducing neurogenesis.. Idk. Antidepressants help with PTSD and DP/DR and they induce a healthy neurogenesis.

It's not about more connections in the brain that matters - It's the PROPER connections.. You can have less brain cells and still have more connections than a really smart person that is depressed.. People with psychosis have SO MANY connections that they DIE.. and fry up.. Lesions. Decreasing inflammation/blocking receptors in the brain (Antipsychotic) will allow a patient to take their time... Slowly.. Slowly building connections instead of being manic and maybe sleep more.. Just slowly recovering from the neuron lightning storm..
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 07:22 PM
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I definitely do have PTSD from what I also experienced from psychosis. That's why I'm so good with my meds, it took 8 years to break running streak, where I messed with my meds. I remember telling myself I'd never mess with my AP EVER. Yet I did because I felt like since I can't seem to feel mental emotions, I thought I couldn't feel paranoia. Boy was I wrong hahahaha
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 07:24 PM
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So they said I had something else, not ptsd but it was similar but milder....and it was from the psychosis itself.

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I definitely feel like I have ptsd from particularly traumatic episodes of psychosis. I also think I have it from receiving electroconvulsive therapy. Not to knock it or anything for whom it works, however, it was extremely trying on me - especially since I was only an 18-year old receiving it. I haven't really talked about this trauma out in the open much, not even to my therapist a whole lot. I get pretty guarded talking about that stuff.

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 07:37 PM
  #10
Imma read... "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass.. I enjoyed reading it this morning.

I'm not sure if I had any sleep last night... But I'll take a full zopiclone and a .25 clonazepam to make sure that I do tonight. Then I'll sleep and wake up to go to work.

I'm thinking of getting a second job or working more at my current job.. I don't think I'll burn out if it's just for the season. I'm getting so much better now that I can do anything thanks to my meds.
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 08:14 PM
  #11
Thanks for the replies guys in the last thread, sorry I didn’t reply sooner I was just laying in bed the past two hours. I took my night meds a little early in hope that it would help me sleep. I’m honestly not sure if I slept at all these past 2 hours, there was almost non stop tossing and turning so maybe not much. Hopefully in a couple hours from now I can get some sleep.

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 08:25 PM
  #12
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It's not about more connections in the brain that matters - It's the PROPER connections.. You can have less brain cells and still have more connections than a really smart person that is depressed.. People with psychosis have SO MANY connections that they DIE.. and fry up.. Lesions. Decreasing inflammation/blocking receptors in the brain (Antipsychotic) will allow a patient to take their time... Slowly.. Slowly building connections instead of being manic and maybe sleep more.. Just slowly recovering from the neuron lightning storm..
Wait, psychosis causes lesions because of over-activity?
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 08:51 PM
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Wait, psychosis causes lesions because of over-activity?
If you mix psychosis with psychedelics is what my old psychiatrist said but I'm not sure..

Brain White-Matter Lesions and Psychosis | The British Journal of Psychiatry | Cambridge Core

Brain Lesions and Cognitive Function in Late-Life Psychosis | The British Journal of Psychiatry | Cambridge Core
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 09:01 PM
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Imma read... "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass.. I enjoyed reading it this morning.

I'm not sure if I had any sleep last night... But I'll take a full zopiclone and a .25 clonazepam to make sure that I do tonight. Then I'll sleep and wake up to go to work.

I'm thinking of getting a second job or working more at my current job.. I don't think I'll burn out if it's just for the season. I'm getting so much better now that I can do anything thanks to my meds.

I like that book you're talking about.

I got an interview at a café next week. So I'm happy about that. It's a much less stressful job than what I was doing before.

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 09:17 PM
  #15
Getting bubble tea this weekend

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 09:20 PM
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I bought a book called Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig. It’s about anxiety and mental health issues relating to being connected like 24/7 digitally like most people are today and how that affects us. I’ve read one of his other books Reasons to Stay Alive and it was good.

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 10:20 PM
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I kinda think my routine is fine without the job I might get next week. I don't know. Does anyone else just feel lonely these days? I feel like the job might address my loneliness though, so that's why I applied.

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 10:22 PM
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I also think somewhat that I'll never be cut out for work. I don't know if this is true.

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 06:40 AM
  #19
I got 8 hours of sleep!! Roll Call 186Roll Call 186

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 08:01 AM
  #20
I am not sure whether I should come off of the Klonopin or not. I know it's probably in my best interest to do so, but my tremor and anxiety increase when I go down on it.

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