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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 03:35 PM
  #41
Have done very well the past 5 days in regards to my ED. Hoping to make it to a year long streak
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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 03:36 PM
  #42
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Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
Got the spooky tree diy in acnh!!!

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Awesome! I haven’t gotten that one yet. I got the trick pumpkin recipe thing yesterday

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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 06:46 PM
  #43
My heart will stop one day soon, possibly

And it makes me sad.. What is the point of it all, then
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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 06:52 PM
  #44
Every time I taper the phenibut down to 300mg, I get depressed. So I took a little more. It's a good antidepressant.

And the whole thing about my life, I think.. I never get insight on what people do automatically - Like everyone is on the inside and I'm on the outside. I don't understand.

It's horrible when I lose motivation to even explain what is wrong with me - But when I'm motivated, I ignore that and take the motivation for granted. Same with the DP/DR panic.

I have a bunch of horrifying things that hover over me all of the time.
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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 07:18 PM
  #45
There was an older woman that I met in the psych ward when I was at the independent living unit. She helped me out, took care of me and we always talked. She was like a mother to me.

There was a few others and we were all a group. Idk why people think I'm a genius cuz I'm not - I suppose just the combination of the way that I talk and what I like to talk about. People say it's hard to understand what I'm saying but interesting - It was a few months after my psilacetin overdose trip so..

I haven't texted her since before the pandemic. When we were in the psych ward, she said to promise to keep in contact with her (I said that I usually say I do but I eventually don't). I visited her house after being out of there and we hung out with her friends and son - Had some good laughs etc..

Before the pandemic, I texted her sometimes and told her how I was doing and always asked her how she was but she was always supportive of me mostly like how a mother would be - So that's why I didn't text back since then. I wonder if I should text her back because I promised I would - But she's not texting me back so I'm confused.

I think my decision is to just not text her back because it's been 2 years. Time has gone by so quickly. My memory feels so dissociative.
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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 09:09 PM
  #46
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Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
Every time I taper the phenibut down to 300mg, I get depressed. So I took a little more. It's a good antidepressant.

And the whole thing about my life, I think.. I never get insight on what people do automatically - Like everyone is on the inside and I'm on the outside. I don't understand.

It's horrible when I lose motivation to even explain what is wrong with me - But when I'm motivated, I ignore that and take the motivation for granted. Same with the DP/DR panic.

I have a bunch of horrifying things that hover over me all of the time.

I have a bunch of horrifying things hovering over me too.

I guess I overthink things.

That's what people on the outside say.

Or I don't even know if that's what I tell myself.

So confusing. If you want a summary of life so far for me: that is, that it is confusing.

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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 09:11 PM
  #47
And sorry for the potential rant but I don't think my therapist helps me - I don't think my psychiatrist helps me - I don't think anything really helps me honestly. Communication skills don't help me. Nor do self-help books. There is just life. My thoughts are brought to me one by one like a conveyor belt. I decide which ones to follow and which not. At least I wish that were the case. But it's not. My mind doesn't work that way. My mind works by selecting the most poignant sorrow and amplifying it. Then it tries to get me to think that thing over and over again.

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 05:44 AM
  #48
Ugh, haven't slept in 24 hours

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 08:25 AM
  #49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
Every time I taper the phenibut down to 300mg, I get depressed. So I took a little more. It's a good antidepressant.

And the whole thing about my life, I think.. I never get insight on what people do automatically - Like everyone is on the inside and I'm on the outside. I don't understand.

It's horrible when I lose motivation to even explain what is wrong with me - But when I'm motivated, I ignore that and take the motivation for granted. Same with the DP/DR panic.

I have a bunch of horrifying things that hover over me all of the time.
That depression is probably withdrawal symptoms

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 09:33 AM
  #50
I’m paranoid that they’re trying to kick me out for some reason. I’m convinced of it. I don’t know if it’s just for not sleeping for 30 hours or what but I feel on the verge of crying

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 09:39 AM
  #51
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I’m paranoid that they’re trying to kick me out for some reason. I’m convinced of it. I don’t know if it’s just for not sleeping for 30 hours or what but I feel on the verge of crying

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Did you stop your Thorazine again? It seems you need it to sleep normally and your mind is being wonky from lack of sleep.

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 09:45 AM
  #52
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Did you stop your Thorazine again? It seems you need it to sleep normally and your mind is being wonky from lack of sleep.

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Yes I did, I don’t want to be on it anymore, I hate that it makes me have less energy and that it may have potentially contributed to some weight gain. I know, I know, I have to get over that obsession with weight. I have to just take it and stop messing with it

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 09:47 AM
  #53
I wish it just came in a monthly injection like my abilify injection. Then I wouldn’t be tempted to mess with it all the time. But I know I need to have more self control and just take it

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 10:58 AM
  #54
I have a video appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm going to tell her about how I called 8 bingo games, and that I started going to that monthly self-care art group, also that I may be getting a cat within the next month or so.

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 11:05 AM
  #55
I'm getting a few pieces of furniture for my apartment over the next several months. A small coffee table, because I don't have one, and a chair because the chair I have/that came with my apartment is not really comfortable to sit in

The coffee table is only 46 dollars. I think once I have all that set up, my Van Gogh painting hung, and a table cloth on my dining table the whole apartment will really come together. I know it's taken me two years to really set up my apartment the way I want it, but it's because I'm on a budget. I want it to be a place I can be proud of and enjoy

Someday I'd like to get a bigger/nicer TV but that will have to wait until I get into that vocational rehabilitation program and have a part-time job
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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 11:50 AM
  #56
So I threw up this morning, ending my streak of not doing that. Oh well. I rested some afterwards and I feel better now.

Today my sister and I are taking my mom to get pedicures. (She has dementia and doesn't do much "grooming.") That is, if she is willing. We tried to take her two weeks ago and she wasn't up to it. Hopefully she will be today. We really enjoy doing this together; it's a lot of fun.

It's another beautiful fall day here and should be all day. I really hope we can get mom to go with us because if she does, that will really make it a good day.

Hope you all have a peaceful day.

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 12:20 PM
  #57
I literally threw apart my whole room looking for my ID, I somehow assumed I lost it in my bed somewhere because I had it with me there, and I threw all the sheets and blankets off my bed, moved my mattress, tried to reach behind and spent like half an hour looking and then I made may bed back up pissed off that I couldn't find it then I literally found it in my bra that I'm currently wearing WTF, I don't even put stuff in there, ever, how the hell did it end up there

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 12:28 PM
  #58
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That depression is probably withdrawal symptoms
!!!

At least I'm not taking 10-15, 20g D; I don't think that'll ever happen. But I'll try to taper down to 0mg before I visit my family on the 12th.....
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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 01:22 PM
  #59
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!!!

At least I'm not taking 10-15, 20g D; I don't think that'll ever happen. But I'll try to taper down to 0mg before I visit my family on the 12th.....
Watch out for PAWS

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 03:34 PM
  #60
I wish I had a lifetime supply of tizanidine and benzos. I'd be so much happier.

Some good painkillers too.
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