Roll Call 189

WastingAsparagus · Dec 10, 2021 at 12:11 AM

I feel bad too. I don't want to work anymore, just seems meaningless honestly. I don't know why. Just does.

WastingAsparagus · Dec 10, 2021 at 12:13 AM

The only reason is money. That's why I'm working. So I can buy a bunch of stupid things I don't need. I don't know anymore. My mind is basically a sieve. It's like some idea will go through it that is good, and then once my mind processes that thought, it will turn negative.

Blue_Bird · Dec 10, 2021 at 01:15 AM

I’m too lazy to make chili so I’m buying some canned chili tomorrow

Blue_Bird · Dec 10, 2021 at 01:21 AM

My goal is to get a year long streak of not restricting/bingeing/purging. I would be so proud of myself.

junkDNA · Dec 10, 2021 at 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I feel bad too. I don't want to work anymore, just seems meaningless honestly. I don't know why. Just does.

Cause it is lol

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021 at 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm not taking the Vyvanse in the morning. I'll try and make it to work on time. I don't want to be too awake, dealing with people.

I'm really struggling. I don't have any will to explain anything. What I think just feels like nonsense. I feel like I have no connection to anyone that understands me.

The world is a mess. My mind is a mess. I don't even want to type here but I have to try and explain at least something. I'm traumatized. Life is a bad trip. I try to push through, hating myself for avoiding life and then dealing with the consequences of that + I keep making the same mistakes.

It's too complicated of a mess. I could write and talk forever - It goes around in circles. I need a therapist but I'm not sure why.

I don't know what to do any time of the day - I try to figure things out for my own unique situation. I wish I was dead - Or that none of this existed. I've been crying today just like a few days ago.

I know I act like an idiot sometimes to everyone. I'm starting from the ground up - But no one had the cognitive disability that I've had since a kid. I feel like I don't understand anything. Deep down, I see what is wrong. It's like I'm in a box and can't get out - Everyone else is on the outside.

I'm gonna try and sleep - To escape. I want help but I don't know if anyone can really help me. I'm not trying to be dramatic or anything. I'm solipsistic. I'm tired and exhausted - So is everyone right? Why does that matter if no one is actually real? So yeah..

Desoxyn...that box feeling, I’ve only ever heard that in people on APs without psychosis. I know you’ve had psychosis though but I wonder if you’re on too high a dose? How is your current pdoc about lower the injection?

What cognitive disability do you have?

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Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021 at 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I feel bad too. I don't want to work anymore, just seems meaningless honestly. I don't know why. Just does.

Is the job related to your skill set? (Translation) For me I have to be doing something with meaning.

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Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021 at 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Is the job related to your skill set? (Translation) For me I have to be doing something with meaning.

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For me helping others holds meaning.....can you figure out how you’re contributing in your work?

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Desoxyn · Dec 10, 2021 at 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Desoxyn...that box feeling, I’ve only ever heard that in people on APs without psychosis. I know you’ve had psychosis though but I wonder if you’re on too high a dose? How is your current pdoc about lower the injection?

What cognitive disability do you have?

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

My mom says that I always feel "tired" for a few days at the start of the injection. I tried to ask my psychiatrist about lowering it but my mom said its a bad idea - So he listened to her instead of me. I'm going to ask him one more time again - Alone this time. To lower it to a medium dose because I'm on the MAX dose every 9 weeks instead of 12 weeks + 10mg of olanzepine! If he doesn't do it, I'm going off the injection cold turkey.

I feel fine today though. I took Vyvanse when I got to work. I think my psychosis is mostly just agitation and frustration + Lack of spiritual awakening (Autism).

I didn't have a learning disability but almost did. My math averaged in 90+% though so I always passed classes.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021 at 12:12 PM

Hi friends. Bored at work again today. Need something to do. My kitty Helen is at the vet for her ears. A checkup. My Dad took her. She had bacteria in her ears last time she was there for her wellness exam so we gave her ear drops for a week. Now we need to see if the ear drops did any good or if she has an infection. I hope my baby is okay.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021 at 12:14 PM

On the good side of things though she hasn't been excessively scratching at her ears or anything so I think she would be doing some of that if she had an infection.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021 at 12:14 PM

Got Britbox. Been watching Shetland and Death in Paradise.

Desoxyn · Dec 10, 2021 at 12:27 PM

I was told that the schizophrenia was caught early but Abilify made me super paranoid for years.

No one asked how my family life was and only said "How are your symptoms? Have you been having odd thoughts lately?"

My dad didn't like the whole thing.

Desoxyn · Dec 10, 2021 at 12:41 PM

I told my dad that I'm not dealing with schizophrenia anymore and he put his hands in the air and said "My God, good!". Cuz it's been a year now without psychosis. And the DP/DR is gone too (Which i find to be a much worse horror).

Blue_Bird · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:32 PM

I have an inspection on Monday.... ugh

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I have an inspection on Monday.... ugh

It's going to be fine! No worries! Hakuna Matata! You always worry about the inspections and they always go fine. You're good. Don't stress. HUGS

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:34 PM

Helen is okay. No evidence of Bacteria in her ears.

Yeah! If we have to take her back for the same problem it will be $53 but since she isn't even itching her ears I think it will be fine.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:55 PM

Still waiting to see if Helen's pet insurance will reimburse me for the medication for the bacteria in her ears or at least put it towards her deductible. They aren't moving none too fast. I don't really care at this point but I hope they at least put it towards her deductible. Not that I anticipate having any other claims this year but it would be nice if it applied there because I pay so much for the insurance, but I learned my lesson with Esther getting diabetes. How I could have saved so much money by having her on insurance.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021 at 02:56 PM

First Christmas without Esther in 16 years. Sad.

Blue_Bird · Dec 10, 2021 at 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

First Christmas without Esther in 16 years. Sad.

She's with you in spirit

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Roll Call 189

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WastingAsparagus Student of Life Member Since Mar 2014 Location: South America Posts: 4,658 10 2,911 hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 12:11 AM #521 I feel bad too. I don't want to work anymore, just seems meaningless honestly. I don't know why. Just does. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,745 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 01:15 AM #523 I’m too lazy to make chili so I’m buying some canned chili tomorrow __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,745 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 01:21 AM #524 My goal is to get a year long streak of not restricting/bingeing/purging. I would be so proud of myself. __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 12:14 PM #531 On the good side of things though she hasn't been excessively scratching at her ears or anything so I think she would be doing some of that if she had an infection. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 12:14 PM #532 Got Britbox. Been watching Shetland and Death in Paradise. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,988 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 12:27 PM #533 I was told that the schizophrenia was caught early but Abilify made me super paranoid for years. No one asked how my family life was and only said "How are your symptoms? Have you been having odd thoughts lately?" My dad didn't like the whole thing.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,988 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 12:41 PM #534 I told my dad that I'm not dealing with schizophrenia anymore and he put his hands in the air and said "My God, good!". Cuz it's been a year now without psychosis. And the DP/DR is gone too (Which i find to be a much worse horror).
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,745 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 02:32 PM #535 I have an inspection on Monday.... ugh __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 02:34 PM #537 Helen is okay. No evidence of Bacteria in her ears. Yeah! If we have to take her back for the same problem it will be $53 but since she isn't even itching her ears I think it will be fine. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 10, 2021 at 02:56 PM #539 First Christmas without Esther in 16 years. Sad. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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