Roll Call 189

I'm getting these breakaway collars for her, they're perfect colors for Christmas time

I'm glad I have an emotional support pet now. She takes my mind off my anxiety

I am an emotional support for my cat. She's very anxious.

I sprayed some cat nip on my bed yesterday and that seemed to calm her down.. They act really weird with catnip.

I’m gonna get her some tags w/ her name, my number, address engraved. And also get her microchipped.

I smoked weed and watched videos of "word salad in patients with schizophrenia". I felt like I lost my mind for 2 hours.. But it was interesting to realize how I talk to people sometimes when feeling apathetic or very frustrated, forgetful, unfocused.

I don't know the extent to how other people see me. I'm thankful for my good insight and now for the self-awareness that I'm developing.

I can comprehend things well when sober. I only sometimes have great ideas - And I like the well put together novel, stimulating things. It's like I'm used to such rich thought... And many times in life (Like most people), time is very slowed down and there's moments that feels like we're walking through a desert for years, having no idea when things will end.

I try to piece together my existence - Maybe what to do about being conscious.. Why I had so many addictions, why there's so many things that I've missed/mistakes I've made - And how to be at peace with it all - Right now.. Like why did I not see what most people have known..

Now I sit here and think, "Is it too late to have fun?" - Now that I've suffered all of these concentrated satanic manifestations/realms.. And I am still curious.. I want to know how other entities see the world - But I don't want to be a hovering energy, absorbing all of reality for eternity. I need a break maybe - I've been in the same place for too long with disorganized thoughts, piercing into a place where everyone is fixated on dopamine, doing their own thing - All of desires, one-upping, surviving, mindless - Turning into machines.

I didn't want money at one point - But the jinx is that I know that, but also I'm the same as everyone else - An organism.. A life - And there's a destination or necessity to preserve homeostasis under whichever pattern is in reality, like water settling or the gravity of a black hole - It is the nature of matter to condense into place and just exist. Anything going against or with the grain - All for the same reason.. To BE.

Tomorrow will be the end of my first two weeks of full-time work. I've felt extremely tired at the end of the day almost every day. I'm not exactly sure why, other than that I've absorbed a lot of information and transmitted a lot of information I guess. I haven't been able to adhere to a workout schedule as I usually do. I haven't even showered every day. I don't know if my vision of success is what I'm doing now. I really have no clue how I'm going to finish my thesis and work 40-hour weeks. Like, I need the money from working full time, but I also want to finish my thesis. I don't really know. It's like choose the best option of the two - I know they're not mutually exclusive, but it almost feels that way. I guess I'll figure it out down the road.

Having a panic attack

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Slept pretty good. Woke up at 5am w/ kitty purring right next to me

It’s supposed to start sleeting and snowing in about 20 minutes from now

I feel good. Took my morning meds. Relaxing with the cat laying on me. Have group at 2pm. That’s usually about an hour long so it should help get her used to me not being here all the time. She’s got massive separation anxiety, she’s used to being with her brothers and sisters all the time before she came here.

I can’t wait till my appointment with my psychiatrist on the 2nd. It will be a video appointment I can show her the kitty. She knows how much I’ve wanted to have one again. She signed the papers for me to have an emotional support pet in my apartment to begin with.

Does anyone have any tips on how to make her feel less anxious when I'm not home? I just took the trash out and when I came back I could hear her meowing through my apartment door. I hope she can get more independent as time goes on. I just think she's never been alone before so it scares her

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There's a cat at my house - i.e., it's my roommate's cat but I hang out with the cat a lot. Anyway, I've just found that whenever the cat meows at me it just means she wants attention. In my opinion, it just means the cat likes you and wants your attention. I understand the concern about the cat feeling anxious but cats are pretty independent. I know she's just a kitty but cats are still really independent. Besides, it's awesome that you were able to get her. I am jealous, honestly. I wish I had my own cat.

Thank you, I'll keep that in mind. It's been a very long time since I've had a kitten this young so I just want to make sure I'm doing things right. I hope you're able to get your own cat eventually too

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Sometimes leaving on music or tv helps......also plenty of toys, at least that works for birds.

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Yeah I need to get her more toys than the one she has. She’s getting into everything

Right now she has one of those wand toys with a bunch of feathers at the end of the string. She likes that. I'm thinking of getting her some catnip mice, a catnip banana, and this thing

Eventually I'll need to get her a scratching post too

How's everyone doing? Sorry I've been blowing up Roll Call with all my cat posts, just excited.

Yay for cat posts! We need positivity 😀

I bought this giant Hershey Kiss

Hi friends. Sorry I haven't been around for a couple of days. Been busy at work. Today I am ignoring work. Lol. I finished IOP last night. I go into aftercare. I need my case manager to send me some forms so I can sign up for that. But I think he is sick. He was our group therapist last night and he was sick and let us out early so he said he might take today off. So I will bug him on Monday if he hasn't sent the forms. I have one more individual appointment with the IOP team. That's today at 12:45 PM. I don't know what to talk about. She always starts with "What do you want to talk about today?" So that's hard sometimes. Hallucinations are good. Mood is so-so. I'm getting excited for Thanksgiving. Blue_Bird, your new kitty is a cutie pie! Is she all black and white, like tuxedo cat? That's how Helen is.

Just a heads up, we need a new roll call.

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