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WastingAsparagus
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Default Jan 04, 2022 at 10:29 PM
  #21
I probably freaked out my therapist. I didn't even say anything to her untli the hour was over.

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Desoxyn
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 01:36 AM
  #22
My sister woke me up so I could unlock the door so she could get the family computer and bring it to the hotel that she's staying at to watch Netflix.

I guess I'll stay awake for while. I went to bed at like 7pm cuz I was too unmotivated (Wasn't tired though). I've been unmotivated all day.
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 01:45 AM
  #23
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Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
We have to harness the divine energy of the manic people
Lol! This really is real.. - Cuz I Googled "Unmotivated";

"2. Let the motivation sparkling in other people flow over to you.

Another great way to recharge your motivation is simply to tap into the motivational energy and perspectives of other people.

So talk to the people in your life about their dreams and what they feel most motivated to achieve and to do in their lives.

But don’t feel confined to just the people you know in real life.

I often recharge my motivation by listening to a small part of an audio book by Brian Tracy or Wayne Dyer. Or I may watch a Youtube video by Ali Abdaal or Matt D'Avella. Or read a chapter in a book on my Kindle.

Spending just 5 or 10 minutes with doing that can, in my experience, very often turn your mood and mindset around and ignite your motivation again."
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 02:09 AM
  #24
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My sister woke me up so I could unlock the door so she could get the family computer and bring it to the hotel that she's staying at to watch Netflix.

I guess I'll stay awake for while. I went to bed at like 7pm cuz I was too unmotivated (Wasn't tired though). I've been unmotivated all day.
This is kind of depressing and self-reflecting time..
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 04:12 AM
  #25
I Googled "checking in with life" and it leads to self-care. I've been thinking about this lately - Like what are the basic things that I need in life and general summary of things that help with depression?

Reddit - Dive into anything

I'm drinking chamomile tea. I like this stuff. I'm thinking of buying a psychedelic/religious yoga mat to meditate in the kitchen.
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 04:36 AM
  #26
Ok.. 235pm.. I'll sleep. Tomorrow, I'll try to take things more seriously - But also not so seriously at the same time? Idk how this works but I'll try.
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 08:41 AM
  #27
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I want to get a part time job but this part of town has no public transportation. Not sure how I’m able to go to work if I get one. Nick can’t drive me because he works 8-5 all week, sometimes he works half day on Saturday too.

CAn you find something remote?

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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 11:39 AM
  #28
I went grocery shopping, got veggies and salads, sweet potatoes, hummus, crinkle cut French fries, cheesecake, break n bake chocolate chip cookies, stuff to make cheese quesadillas, Greek yogurt, bread, raspberry jam, instant coffee, milk, bananas, and some condiments.

I'm trying to eat more vegetables. I plan on sautéing some yellow squash, onions, and mushrooms in olive oil sometime this week, they're really good together. I'm also making buffalo chicken thighs later this week with cheesy broccoli rice

The shelves were like a quarter empty at the store

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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 01:49 PM
  #29
I'm cooking spaghetti at the moment. I'm really tired, mostly due to not sleeping enough hours, so I'm not doing very much. I hate that. I have some some things I really wanted to get done today.

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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 02:41 PM
  #30
I had a good appointment with my therapist. We discussed how I'm off the the thorazine now and doing good and coming off a couple other meds. I also told her I'm talking to my care manager about possible volunteer opportunities so I can get used to being around people before I start part-time work. She got to see the cat again

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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 04:39 PM
  #31
I had a dream a cat went to Mars

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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 05:10 PM
  #32
I know where the regular Coke is again, which no one else does. The person who fills the machine uses other rows to put the regular Coke in, not under its second row. It's hard to explain. Anyway I think only I know where it is. It's a pain, I'd rather the bottles were what they say on the machine.


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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 08:37 PM
  #33
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 09:06 PM
  #34
Post-Awakening Challenges: The Lost Gray World of Apathy

"In the form of spiritual apathy regarding indecisive, your old self wants one thing, and your new sense of self wants a different thing. This happens a lot. The old impulse to drink wine with your girlfriends comes up, and another impulse to go to a new yoga community gathering comes up. They both have an attraction to you, but it makes it hard to decide. The old ego still wants to do what it always has. The new desire to investigate a yoga gathering isn’t that strong yet, and it probably is running up against the fear of the unknown. So the person feels very indecisive."

"Another form of apathy that can arise is simply from energy depletion. It’s a lot of work at times to dissolve deeply held issues and ego attachments. With a true spiritual awakening, a lot of stuff gets pushed up all at once. It requires a lot of energy to process what is being understood on the mind, heart, body, and energy levels all at once. With all your energy dedicated to this transformation, you may find that you have no energy left to be interested in much of anything else."

Chronic Fatigue and Spiritual Awakening

"So you get the idea. The fatigue is coming from lack of energy or rather, a lack of energy for doing anything but transforming. You actually have tons of energy, but it's otherwise pre-occupied. It's kinda like having 20 GB of RAM, but it's all being used right now. Your computer can't do anything else until the first set of operations are done. But just because you do get a little energy from time to time to do more things doesn't mean that you should do lots of things during this time period. Do what you have to, and then trust that the rest will attend to itself."
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 09:15 PM
  #35
I'm just listening to music. I had a pretty good day at work. Reasonable day.

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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 09:28 PM
  #36
I feel heavy like a stone
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 09:42 PM
  #37
I've been reading about sound waves & harmony. I ate a bowl of cheerios with peanut butter.

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Default Jan 06, 2022 at 01:37 PM
  #38
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I feel heavy like a stone
Desoxyn

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Default Jan 06, 2022 at 01:38 PM
  #39
I signed up for a Sketchbox subscription service. Trying to get back into art and being artistic and creative. I thought this would help. Looking forward to seeing what is in it.

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Default Jan 06, 2022 at 04:37 PM
  #40
Went to sleep irritated and exhausted - Couldn't sleep either. I took a full zopiclone and .25 kpin.

I woke up, didn't want to get out of bed - But I did once the Vyvanse fully kicked in. I did the chores, had a shower etc.

I listened to music for a bit and then decided to finish a podcast - Didn't feel like doing it so I searched up types of YouTube channels. This video helped;

21 Life Lessons I Learned in 2021 - YouTube

I started learning about blockchain on edx/coursera or something - But stopped. Although I had a little bit of an understanding. The days went by and I drifted away from it.

When my dad and sister came to visit, it has been -30 degrees for 2 weeks so we just stayed inside and didn't do anything. I couldn't even focus on the things that I DO, because my parents were drinking and fighting - So I started to drink and got agitated. And some point, I realize that drugs really don't help me and that I'm enlightened (Enough...) to continue trying.

So I'll do the course on Brilliant.org about blockchain because it seems better. I want to explore more of what my new devices can do. I also want to read more books - I read the fasting book and I'm sold on it (Even though there's propaganda articles saying that keto is unhealthy? - I'm sure obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease and cancer isn't healthy either) - So I'm reading the summary now.

I haven't had psychosis in over a year - But I feel that I have a delusion between the ideas of what my parents tell me, guiding me and their mistakes, control. No amount of money can be worth them dying. They did have cancer and other health issues. They will die within the decade and I'm not sure what I'll do. They want what is best for me but I also need to try and live.

I have full awareness that reality is an illusion. My dad believes that this is all a dream and there's nothing after death - But he was talking crazy that night, about everything. He told me in the morning that he didn't really mean it.

I just need to pick myself up and try to continue a steady state of flow. I need to accept myself for who I am and not what I do - Which I'll figure out long into the future. The spirituality stuff, I can't fully get into - A moderate amount is healthy and same with the opposite. I need to balance it all and not go into extreme, and impulsivity.

I need to enjoy my life and learn. My meds help - They need to be tweaked a little. I see my psychiatrist in around a month + I'm going back to the island to visit my sister because she left today. So I still have things to look forward to.

I'm addicted to metaphysical thoughts - I love the intuitive ideas and connections that I make. They've come back like what happened in 2019 but I just don't notice the feeling. Things will be good - I just need to try. Both of my parents tell me about good memories and I should think about the good times when I'm having dark thoughts.
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