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Default May 11, 2022 at 01:40 PM
  #21
I wish it were the weekend tomorrow so I could just chill and lay about. Two and a half more days at work feels torturous.

Okay. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I'm not even working right now, I'm on the forums. I haven't had anything to do all day. It's hard to fill 8 hours of work with like checking emails, checking the forums. I am answering the phones today for work because that person is on vacation for the rest of the week so I have had some interesting conversations with people.

Oh well. Soon it will be lunch time, in like on hour, and then after lunch the day usually goes by fast. Today is not going fast though. I hate when I have nothing to do.

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Default May 11, 2022 at 02:07 PM
  #22
My oldest nephew's birthday is tomorrow. He is turning 20. How is that possible?!! Where did the time go?! How am I old enough to have a nephew in his twenties?! Yikes. Time flies. His card with money got mailed on Saturday so he should have it by his birthday. I always give them money for their birthday as I have no idea what they want or need. I got him one of those pop up cards from Lovepop. It has a dog eating pizza that pops up out of the card. I hope he at least gets a smile out of it. I thought it was cute. I worry about him though. He seems adrift. He doesn't seem to have any goals. I know that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life when I was twenty either but I was working and going to school at a community college. Since I didn't know what I wanted to do it made sense to go to community college where I could take all sorts of classes. I ended up graduating with like 96 units when you only needed 60. But I experienced a lot of different classes and got to see what I liked and didn't like. At his age, I owned a car that I paid for. He has a truck that his parents paid for. He isn't going to college. He took one semester, decided he doesn't like it and stopped going. He works extremely part time. Like some weeks, not at all. And he picks up his siblings from school and takes them to school. I just worry that he is going to spend a lot of time adrift and miss out on stuff. But he will find his way. I have to believe that. Just their family system is so toxic that I worry about him/all the children. He never goes out with friends or hangs out with anyone romantically. Just sits at home. I was hoping he would get inspired by his job and think about going to real estate school or something. But he says he doesn't want to do anything at all. I wish I knew more of how to inspire him or get him excited about anything at all. Even a hobby. Or volunteering. Or looking for a better paying job. Hmm. I worry about my boy but I am also aware that I am limited in my influence and what I am actually able to do for him. Soon my niece will (hopefully) graduate from high school. She is supposed to graduate June 3rd. She has missed a lot of school so I hope she can hang onto her grades for these last few weeks. She doesn't want to do anything either. Doesn't want to go to school or get a job or go out of the house to hang out with friends or anything. My heart hurts for these kiddos.

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Default May 11, 2022 at 06:51 PM
  #23
To take Depakote or to not take Depakote.
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Default May 11, 2022 at 07:58 PM
  #24
Climbed a steep mountain.. Good hike. On the drive home, it seemed to have auto-downloaded a bunch of really good songs (That I've never heard) in a row - Good body chills, mellow.

Good sleep 100% possible. Tomorrow, I relax cuz I worked Friday-Tuesday. Then work again on Friday.. (I'll have to prepare for that coworker - I'm not sure what her problem is with me.. whether she's being nice or not idk..)
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Default May 11, 2022 at 08:21 PM
  #25
I think the Wellbutrin was making me 10x more suicidal and slightly paranoid/anxious. I stopped taking it over a week ago.

Enough of that then..
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Default May 11, 2022 at 08:41 PM
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I think the Wellbutrin was making me 10x more suicidal and slightly paranoid/anxious. I stopped taking it over a week ago.

Enough of that then..
I’m just glad you’re feeling better….

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Default May 11, 2022 at 08:48 PM
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I’m just glad you’re feeling better….
Thx yeah.. It was a deep hole I was in. I hope things will continue to be better. I'm still learning.. Still mental issues persist in 2022.

Nothing could have gotten that bad, again - Like when I was 16 and

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But hey!! SP!! It's good.. I will try and be more careful
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Default May 11, 2022 at 09:00 PM
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Thx yeah.. It was a deep hole I was in. I hope things will continue to be better. I'm still learning.. Still mental issues persist in 2022.

Nothing could have gotten that bad, again - Like when I was 16 and

Possible trigger:


But hey!! SP!! It's good.. I will try and be more careful

Is wish your doctors were better at looking out for you, they should have been aware that wellbutrin was the cause….

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Default May 11, 2022 at 09:13 PM
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Is wish your doctors were better at looking out for you, they should have been aware that wellbutrin was the cause….

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They have never taken these meds. They don't know what it's like. I know though.. I'm not sure where I'd be without researching wtf has happened to our minds.

A little bit is my fault for being confident enough to allow them to trust me to take more control in my treatment than an average patient.

I'm not sure if the Wellbutrin was the cause.. I've had some psychiatrists do malpractice with me from the start (And that made me really upset) like "It's not my fault if you kys".. Just a bunch of stuff..

With the way that the world is, I'm grateful that I'm getting ANY help at all (Especially with my self medicating - Lucid or not).. and that I get disability.. that I have a family that loves me and tries to take care of/help me.

I really hate to be controlled and it bothers me so much that it has to be this way. My mom thought about being ?? Like the Britney Spears thing? Conservatorship.. She said that she didn't do that because of how I'd react. Idk.

I was the one that adopted that emergency psychiatrist.. He's good (In the way that I like?).. Idk if that's bad.. But I'll keep thinking about this.. thx..
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Default May 11, 2022 at 09:17 PM
  #30
My current psychiatrist listens to me and my mom very well.. I wanted the Invega lowered so he did - Then I do bad, it gets increased.. I will try again in the future.. I think I'm quite lucid... imo
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Default May 11, 2022 at 09:22 PM
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Is wish your doctors were better at looking out for you, they should have been aware that wellbutrin was the cause….

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Btw my GP is really a moron. But I keep coming back to him for some reason.. My whole family doesn't like him. My psychiatrist told him to not change my meds anymore (Only refills..)

I like my moms doctor but he leaves to the other side of equator for the 6 months that they're warm.
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Default May 11, 2022 at 09:35 PM
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Oh god! I'm so tired.. we'll talk tomorrow..
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Default May 11, 2022 at 10:30 PM
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HUGS. I hate when that happens to me. Hope you feel better, and like yourself, soon.
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Default May 12, 2022 at 01:40 AM
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My current psychiatrist listens to me and my mom very well.. I wanted the Invega lowered so he did - Then I do bad, it gets increased.. I will try again in the future.. I think I'm quite lucid... imo
I agree it’s good to have a pdoc that listens but they need to step in when things aren’t working and talk about changes. The problem with psychosis is that there is often a lack of awareness. I mean you seem totally lucid to me but your pdoc said you were in psychosis…..sounds like he stepped in to increase the invega so that’s something I suppose.

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Default May 12, 2022 at 07:42 AM
  #35
Maybelle has really come out of her shell. She’s the biggest snuggle bug ever, she’s so cuddly. She seems so happy here

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Default May 12, 2022 at 08:23 AM
  #36
I am going on my trip today.

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Default May 12, 2022 at 08:25 AM
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I agree it’s good to have a pdoc that listens but they need to step in when things aren’t working and talk about changes. The problem with psychosis is that there is often a lack of awareness. I mean you seem totally lucid to me but your pdoc said you were in psychosis…..sounds like he stepped in to increase the invega so that’s something I suppose.
I get lack of awareness a lot.

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Default May 12, 2022 at 09:56 AM
  #38
Practiced ukulele for 30 minutes then sat outside in the sun for 30 minutes

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Default May 12, 2022 at 10:21 AM
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Maybelle has really come out of her shell. She’s the biggest snuggle bug ever, she’s so cuddly. She seems so happy here

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This is so good! I'm glad your kitties have acclimated to each other and I'm glad you have Maybelle (and Stash!) I think they are good for your health!

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Default May 12, 2022 at 10:22 AM
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I am going on my trip today.
Hope you have fun. Is it a long trip or a short trip?

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