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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
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#801
I feel really dissociated today.
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Blue_Bird, Desoxyn, WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,303
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#802
I hope you feel better SK
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,303
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#803
So the volunteer thing is actually going to be a position. Like I'm going to be doing it regularly every week for whatever amount of hours and schedule we come up with that works for me. It's not going to be a one time event. Not sure what they have available or what they need help with but hopefully they have something that works for me. As long as it's not cooking meals or serving them, I tried that before and it was extremely stressful. Hopefully I can get something like sorting donations or doing dishes, something along those lines
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Desoxyn, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,303
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#804
Going grocery shopping tomorrow. First time going to the actual grocery store in over a month. Need to get some healthy stuff. Then after I get home and put that stuff away I'm going to walk to Family Dollar to buy some household necessities. Then I have some cleaning to do.
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,303
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#805
SP, I'm reading think like a monk and a really enjoying it, it's exactly what I was looking for, thanks for the suggestion
It's going to be difficult adjusting to a regular schedule with volunteering, but it should be good for me and will give me more purpose in life. __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
Last edited by Blue_Bird; Jul 28, 2022 at 02:24 PM.. |
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Sometimes psychotic
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,569
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#806
Saw my doctor a little while ago. Test results look better than what they were when I had COVID. I’m more or less my normal (which involves my liver numbers are off still). But they’re better because I’ve been eating better and not drinking alcohol.
Psychiatrist recommends I stay away from alcohol altogether. Also to up my lithium slightly. If I’m feeling off still maybe add a escitalopram or Wellbutrin but we’ll see. Both the psychiatrist and my doctor said I should exercise. Help me lose weight. Lower my blood pressure (it’s a little high). Help with my liver probably. And help my mood of course. I just have to get the motivation to do it. Just do it, right?? Yeah. I mentioned to the doctor about how I was having those sort of background thoughts about going off my meds to hear secret messages again. I don’t listen to the thoughts but they’re annoying. He said that might be because my lithium was decreased so hopefully with increasing it slightly will help. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Job 30 26, SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Blue_Bird, Desoxyn, Job 30 26, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,422
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#807
Quote:
I’m so glad! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs! |
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SlumberKitty
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Blue_Bird, WastingAsparagus
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,701
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#808
I am doing a little better. Seeing a T again tomorrow, luckily. It's not at the same practice as the one I discontinued with. I was discharged from their practice for cancelling too many times. I know people have boundaries, but sheesh. I felt disappointed but honestly it was too close for comfort to just switch to another therapist at the same clinic. These feelings are so complicated. I wish that whole experience didn't happen but I know I just have to radically accept what happened and move on because it doesn't serve me to reflect so much on the past unless it's helpful.
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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SlumberKitty
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Blue_Bird
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,701
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#809
Anyway, I've been upping my meditation lately. It hasn't really helped. I haven't found anything that really helps these feelings except the 15 mg olanzapine.
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Norway
Posts: 897
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#810
This might be a sign of manic rage... I revert to comedy specials when I feel this amount of anger. Have you seen any good comedy specials, netflix is having a comedy special renaissance the past couple of years. I remember SP telling me comedy helped her and it really helps me swallow my anger for the short term, until a med change happens.
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SlumberKitty
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Blue_Bird, Sometimes psychotic
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Norway
Posts: 897
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#811
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Blue_Bird, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Norway
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#812
I have to up the triliptal to 2400mgs tonight, in hope it will help me sleep. The blood pressure medication helps a little, but since I'm getting off my benzo, i need all the help i can get. I'm skeptical it's mood related though. Pdoc thinks its bipolar effects, but I believe it's ptsd related. I'm in permanent fight or flight mode, so I'm in survival mode.
The two good night's rest I've had were both due to having a covid shot that day hahahaha, so I've been thinking I shold line up to get a covid shot every day, but I'd have too many track marks on my arms, but if they shot me in the toes, know body would know... Haha, jk jk! Too dark. lol |
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,303
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#813
Quote:
Thank you, I haven’t watched comedy in a long time. That might be helpful , I’ll see what they have. I have both Netflix and Amazon Prime now Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,303
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#814
Quote:
Thank you so much Job, that’s really kind of you to say. I hope to start contributing to this world and find more purpose, so I’m definitely looking forward to volunteering and going back to college. I often feel like a failure due to being 28 and not being done with my associates degree and being on SSI due to the schizoaffective/bipolar, and doing really stupid reckless dumb things in the past. And continually screwing up with school due to stress triggering symptoms and not being able to handle it mentally. But I’m hoping starting to volunteer helps me ease into things and maybe once I’ve done that for a few months I’ll be able to handle school. My psychiatrist doesn’t think I should be in school right now due to how unwell I ended up several times in the past while in it, she doesn’t want me to mess up my progress and I agree with her but I think I will be ready by the spring semester. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,303
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#815
Quote:
Hope you get some sleep. I struggle with sleep a lot too. I’m also on trileptal. Whenever my sleep gets extremely bad to the point of not sleeping or barely sleeping for a week or longer my doctor generally increases my Thorazine Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,303
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11 14.9k hugs
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#816
Quote:
Sorry it’s not helping, I hope you can figure out something that helps. Meditation is good. I’m trying to do it more. I used to meditate for an hour a day everyday. But I can barely do it for 5 minutes now Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, WastingAsparagus
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,569
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#817
I have to work in the office two days a week because I had made a couple mistakes. Been going on since May Mondays and Wednesdays in the office. Most of the time I’m the only one in my department there. My boss hardly shows up. No one else I work with has to work in the office.
I don’t like Mondays or Wednesdays working in the office. I’m in the office and it feels so isolating even more than sitting at home. I don’t know if that makes sense. At least if I’m at home I know we’re all at home. I feel like I’m just being punished. If the point was to supervise me I don’t understand how having me sitting by myself in the office helps accomplish that. Plus when I’m at home I have my dog I can pet and my mom to talk to. At the office I’m just there. I sit there and work and listen to music. Yesterday I didn’t even take my earphones out of my ears. I didn’t talk to anyone at all. For the whole day. Not that I would go and sit and have lunch with anyone at work because COVID but man it’s just… idk. I have a meeting with my boss on Tuesday I might bring it up. My boss said she would evaluate after a while. I’ll do whatever the boss says but I just feel down about it. I cry at my desk sometimes tbh a little bit. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,701
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#818
Quote:
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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SlumberKitty
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cogladaid
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,701
10 2,916 hugs
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#819
Quote:
I do love meditation. And sometimes 5 minutes is enough as well. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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SlumberKitty
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Blue_Bird
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,701
10 2,916 hugs
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#820
Quote:
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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SlumberKitty
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