Roll Call 194

WastingAsparagus · Jul 28, 2022 at 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Thank you so much Job, that’s really kind of you to say. I hope to start contributing to this world and find more purpose, so I’m definitely looking forward to volunteering and going back to college. I often feel like a failure due to being 28 and not being done with my associates degree and being on SSI due to the schizoaffective/bipolar, and doing really stupid reckless dumb things in the past. And continually screwing up with school due to stress triggering symptoms and not being able to handle it mentally. But I’m hoping starting to volunteer helps me ease into things and maybe once I’ve done that for a few months I’ll be able to handle school. My psychiatrist doesn’t think I should be in school right now due to how unwell I ended up several times in the past while in it, she doesn’t want me to mess up my progress and I agree with her but I think I will be ready by the spring semester.

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Just a thought Blue_Bird, but maybe school will be somewhere where you can meet some new friends! I remember when I was in college (less so now that I'm doing a master's and only working on a thesis), I would try to talk to people some. It's definitely nerve-wracking to try to talk to people at college, but I'd say it's worth it. Maybe you could make a few friends there if you do decide to go.

Blue_Bird · Jul 28, 2022 at 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Just a thought Blue_Bird, but maybe school will be somewhere where you can meet some new friends! I remember when I was in college (less so now that I'm doing a master's and only working on a thesis), I would try to talk to people some. It's definitely nerve-wracking to try to talk to people at college, but I'd say it's worth it. Maybe you could make a few friends there if you do decide to go.

Yes that's true, it would be good to have some friends. I don't know many people. Going to college in person would probably be a better idea than taking online classes. I went in person several times, some semesters it went really well. Others, well you know, stress kind of set me off. But I think volunteering regularly for a few months will get me used to being around people again so I will be prepared for when the spring semester starts.

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Blue_Bird · Jul 28, 2022 at 07:55 PM

I feel weird tonight. Like the sense that my meds are poisoning me, that someone got in my apartment and put something in them. That feeling in my veins. I know it's not likely but it always scares me when I feel like this.

I am on the verge of a panic attack. Trying to distract myself.

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Blue_Bird · Jul 28, 2022 at 07:57 PM

I had no caffeine today so I don't know why I feel like this.

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WastingAsparagus · Jul 28, 2022 at 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I had no caffeine today so I don't know why I feel like this.

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Sometimes with me if I cold-turkey caffeine (depending on how much I was having before), I get anxious. Not saying go have a cup of coffee, but maybe like a green tea or something? Just a thought.

cogladaid · Jul 28, 2022 at 09:44 PM

It gets me thinking about things. Like how normal people feel. When you realize things.

Normal people don’t bury their feelings in a bunch of alcohol.

Normal people don’t worry about how many calories they eat.

Normal people don’t have obsessive rituals they have to follow.

Normal people don’t worry if people are stealing their thoughts.

Normal people don’t hurt themselves to express their anguish.

All these things and worries and going on medication and feeling those feelings go away make me realize that these things aren’t normal. Before medication I was a wreck and I thought like the cartoon ‘this is fine’ when it really wasn’t.

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Sometimes psychotic · Jul 29, 2022 at 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I am doing a little better. Seeing a T again tomorrow, luckily. It's not at the same practice as the one I discontinued with. I was discharged from their practice for cancelling too many times. I know people have boundaries, but sheesh. I felt disappointed but honestly it was too close for comfort to just switch to another therapist at the same clinic. These feelings are so complicated. I wish that whole experience didn't happen but I know I just have to radically accept what happened and move on because it doesn't serve me to reflect so much on the past unless it's helpful.

For me when I had some amount of transference it was a sign I was ready to start dating….we’re talking at mid thirties here but prior to that I was asexual….Meds and therapy changed that. Anyway if you don’t have a significant other I feel like you’re more likely to get transference but it’s still possible to get while in a relationship just less so.

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Sometimes psychotic · Jul 29, 2022 at 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

It gets me thinking about things. Like how normal people feel. When you realize things.

Normal people don’t bury their feelings in a bunch of alcohol.

Normal people don’t worry about how many calories they eat.

Normal people don’t have obsessive rituals they have to follow.

Normal people don’t worry if people are stealing their thoughts.

Normal people don’t hurt themselves to express their anguish.

All these things and worries and going on medication and feeling those feelings go away make me realize that these things aren’t normal. Before medication I was a wreck and I thought like the cartoon ‘this is fine’ when it really wasn’t.

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While we don’t have the same issues I know what a you mean about realizing certain things were never normal…thing is certain things I’d miss.

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Blue_Bird · Jul 29, 2022 at 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Sometimes with me if I cold-turkey caffeine (depending on how much I was having before), I get anxious. Not saying go have a cup of coffee, but maybe like a green tea or something? Just a thought.

Thanks, I ended up just pushing through it last night and went to bed early because I was really tired. Might have a small single caffeinated coffee today

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Blue_Bird · Jul 29, 2022 at 09:28 AM

While I was grocery shopping today I picked up some extra cat treats and a cat toy that can be filled with catnip. It came with a small tube of catnip that you can use to refill it a few times. They like it a lot.

Also after I checked out the cashier gave me a free full sized chocolate bar and a packet of sunflower butter. They were giving them to everyone who checked out today. I had no idea so it was a nice little surprise.

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Blue_Bird · Jul 29, 2022 at 09:30 AM

Here it is

cogladaid · Jul 29, 2022 at 09:52 AM

I feel needy today. I’m trying to chat with friends and my sister and my mom and everyone is so busy with work and errands and I feel like talking and I need attention.

I hate getting this way I feel like I look desperate for attention. I don’t know what to talk about I just feel like I need human contact.

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Sometimes psychotic · Jul 29, 2022 at 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

I feel needy today. I’m trying to chat with friends and my sister and my mom and everyone is so busy with work and errands and I feel like talking and I need attention.

I hate getting this way I feel like I look desperate for attention. I don’t know what to talk about I just feel like I need human contact.

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Are you working from home today? Human contact was essential for me to heal, even if most of it was online.

cogladaid · Jul 29, 2022 at 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Are you working from home today? Human contact was essential for me to heal, even if most of it was online.

Yeah I’m working from home. My mom had to go run some errands and everyone else is busy working. Hard time to talk to people even online during the day because well work lol.

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cogladaid · Jul 29, 2022 at 10:26 AM

Now I’m annoyed. I got a letter from the cancer section of our healthcare all ‘we sent you a cervical cancer screening test and encourage you to use it’ and I never got anything. And there’s no one to contact about ‘getting a replacement’ so I have to go see my doctor again in two weeks (I just saw him yesterday) so I can get a referral to a gyno doc so I can have one. I could get my family doctor to do it but I just don’t feel that comfortable having him do it.

Like I completely trust him but I just don’t feel like having him do it. I talk to him about everything but I feel I wouldn’t be able to talk to him again if he does it? I make no sense. I’d just rather a gyno doc do it that way it’s just that and nothing else.

But I guess it’ll be good to have a two week check in with my doctor while I’m there for the referral. Adjusting my lithium could use a check in. I like talking to my doctor. I just don’t want him poking around my vagina lmao.

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Sometimes psychotic · Jul 29, 2022 at 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

Yeah I’m working from home. My mom had to go run some errands and everyone else is busy working. Hard time to talk to people even online during the day because well work lol.

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Yeah one of the reasons I like working from work is having a few minutes here and there to talk to people whether they’re patrons or coworkers. I feel like Covid altered a lot of life balance.

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Sometimes psychotic · Jul 29, 2022 at 10:46 AM

Making lasagna rolls…and by making I mean heating in the oven from frozen…takes 70 minutes!

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Sometimes psychotic · Jul 29, 2022 at 10:49 AM

Bought myself some sunflowers this week. Sometimes I crave certain flowers the way people crave food.

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cogladaid · Jul 29, 2022 at 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Yeah one of the reasons I like working from work is having a few minutes here and there to talk to people whether they’re patrons or coworkers. I feel like Covid altered a lot of life balance.

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Even before the pandemic when I was working in the office full time I could go a whole week at work without talking to anyone in person just due to the nature of the work and how I didn’t really have any friends around.

I just feel like talking and talking today lol.

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Blue_Bird · Jul 29, 2022 at 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

Now I’m annoyed. I got a letter from the cancer section of our healthcare all ‘we sent you a cervical cancer screening test and encourage you to use it’ and I never got anything. And there’s no one to contact about ‘getting a replacement’ so I have to go see my doctor again in two weeks (I just saw him yesterday) so I can get a referral to a gyno doc so I can have one. I could get my family doctor to do it but I just don’t feel that comfortable having him do it.

Like I completely trust him but I just don’t feel like having him do it. I talk to him about everything but I feel I wouldn’t be able to talk to him again if he does it? I make no sense. I’d just rather a gyno doc do it that way it’s just that and nothing else.

But I guess it’ll be good to have a two week check in with my doctor while I’m there for the referral. Adjusting my lithium could use a check in. I like talking to my doctor. I just don’t want him poking around my vagina lmao.

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Yeah I feel the same. I have a primary doctor and he's great and all but when he said I needed to schedule a pap test and said he could do it at his office or he could refer me to someone else to do it if I was more comfortable with that and I'm like yes definitely refer me to someone else. I would feel very awkward if he did it and extremely awkward talking to him afterward.

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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,787 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.4k hugs given	Jul 28, 2022 at 07:57 PM #824 I had no caffeine today so I don't know why I feel like this. Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Jul 29, 2022 at 09:52 AM #832 I feel needy today. I’m trying to chat with friends and my sister and my mom and everyone is so busy with work and errands and I feel like talking and I need attention. I hate getting this way I feel like I look desperate for attention. I don’t know what to talk about I just feel like I need human contact. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,410 (SuperPoster!) 11 22.8k hugs given	Jul 29, 2022 at 10:46 AM #837 Making lasagna rolls…and by making I mean heating in the oven from frozen…takes 70 minutes! Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs!
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Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,410 (SuperPoster!) 11 22.8k hugs given	Jul 29, 2022 at 10:49 AM #838 Bought myself some sunflowers this week. Sometimes I crave certain flowers the way people crave food. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs!
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