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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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#901
I might have to go inpatient. I talked with my T last night for about 15 minutes. We didn't make a decision last night. But today I see my GP.
Possible trigger:
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Blue_Bird, Desoxyn, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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cogladaid
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#902
I talked to my insurance company this morning. Good news is, I have met my out of pocket maximum, so I won't get charged anything if I have to go inpatient.
I texted my therapist this morning and told her that I feel like I need to go to the hospital. I left a message for my pdoc, on his office voicemail and also through the portal. I need him to try to get me admitted. That way I don't have to go to the ER and get put in involuntary. Hopefully he can get me into the good hospital. There are three I can go to. One has bad reviews, one I went to last time. It was okay but some stuff wasn't great. I am hoping the other one is good. I know the regular hospital is good so I am hoping the psych hospital is good. I also faxed him my insurance card and the list of hospitals because he only takes cash so he probably does not have my insurance information. Now I am just waiting. Waiting is hard. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Blue_Bird, Desoxyn, Job 30 26, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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Job 30 26
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,723
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#903
I project a lot of my anxiety onto other people. And assume people hate me, are talking about me, laughing at me, even if I have proof they're not. It's not logical.
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn, Job 30 26, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,409
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#904
Quote:
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,409
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#905
Yeah I do this too…it’s like anxiety slides right into paranoia.
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Blue_Bird, Desoxyn, SlumberKitty
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Blue_Bird, Desoxyn
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,723
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#906
Mustachio has a scratch on her neck, I think Maybelle swatted her or something but every time it starts healing Mustachio scratches it back open so I had to order this onesie for her so she stops scratching it and gives it a chance to heal
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
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#907
I have so much to say but I can't even write anymore. I want myself back.
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
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#908
I told myself last night though (My mind was very clear) - "Stay cool, calm, collective". And I repeat that to myself..
"Cool, calm, collective".. That's what smart people are like.. I have to not go into madness. I will quit alcohol too (My mom poured out my rum) + weed. No more of those. I can do this on my own, be successful (In my own way), work on myself.. I don't think I'm too hard on myself anymore.. It's a healthy criticism. I'm forgetting what the abusive people said... I am the master of my own mind. I will listen to myself... |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,723
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10 14.3k hugs
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#909
Got a meditation app subscription, so I'm going to start meditating again
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Desoxyn, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
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#910
Why do I like chaos yet so freaked out. It's no sense.
I'm like a combination of my mom (Chaos) and my dad (Freaked out). Edit; "Something chaotic is really out of control or disorganized. Chaotic starts with a hard "K" sound (kay-AH-tick), but things that are chaotic are usually not OK, they're crazy disordered, like your crammed locker at the end of the school year." "To react (or cause to react) with extreme anger or fear to something to the extent that one loses one's composure or behaves irrationally; originally, to suffer an unexpected and severe bad reaction from the recreational use of a psychotropic - usually hallucinogenic - drug," Last edited by Desoxyn; Aug 02, 2022 at 07:14 PM.. |
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SlumberKitty
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
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#911
Am I a toxic person posting here?
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SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
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#912
You guys either feel sorry for me because I'm so ****ing pathetic or I deserve what I get.
All I do is try to do the right thing. |
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,723
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10 14.3k hugs
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#913
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn, SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
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7 4,908 hugs
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#914
I need to get off the internet - Because I'm not even happy. I don't get people that just want to live in the woods and have no human contact. I would kms for being so bored.. And a friend once said to me "What do you do all day", judging me (when I started to isolate myself) and all he did was play sports.. I said "I don't even know.." but why did he care? - and it's been like that since then. I'm not excited about games, life. It's all the same thing. Everything is the same. It's anhedonia and then people put me down. All I wanted to do was escape. I'm an outcast in every situation. I deserve nothing but to feel like life isn't a disturbing hell that I need to escape from.
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,723
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#915
I'm going to try to meditate for at least 30 minutes a day. I used to do an hour a day and it helped my anxiety a lot. Also I'm working on trying to change some of my thoughts about other people being out to get me. And to stop living in the future. I have a tendency to obsess over what could go wrong in any situation. Literally anything is like worst case scenario fears for me. Walking down the street getting jumped or something, getting hit by a car crossing the street, choking on food or medication, worrying about slipping or tripping and falling/breaking my neck and dying, worrying about the unlikely scenario of getting kicked out of my apartment and ending up homeless like we were when I was a kid with my mom. It ridiculous. It's like never ending
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn, SlumberKitty
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Desoxyn
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,723
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#916
Quote:
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn, SlumberKitty
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Desoxyn
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,723
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10 14.3k hugs
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#917
Also Desoxyn, you're a wonderful person. You deserve to be happy. You are always so supportive and nice to people here and I know I really appreciate it and am happy you're here
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Desoxyn, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,908 hugs
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#918
A lot of stuff I search into Google are thing that people (Either schiz/dissociation or have tripped) ask.. It's so strange. A blessing and a curse. John McAfee advice; "Follow your heart If you have two hands and half a brain, you can do anything If you want to stop doing something, just stop" I don't know why it means so much to me, that he is so smart, loving and also insane from snorting a whole bag of DMT... And I shouldn't say that here.. I always have to be so methodical when making any decision... That's why I can't think and give up. I just need hope and love. I never really had that growing up. But I still laugh at myself like no one else. It takes a toll eventually. |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
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#919
I am utterly exhausted. Pdoc wanted me to do more things I guess. So I did more things today, like trying to work on my thesis for two hours and work on my business for two hours. I can't ease into things I guess. Because I went all-out and now I feel like I shouldn't have done any of that. I also feel like it's not really my pdoc's domain to tell me to do things.
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
10 2,911 hugs
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#920
Quote:
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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