Roll Call 194

Awesome bluebird, glad you’re feeling good

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I woke up, almost late for work and said to myself "When I get home, I'm going right to bed. The Vyvanse kicked in, I drank some coffee and felt good at work, came home.. Thought, "I'll do the same thing as yesterday, tomorrow - When it's sunnier".

I took Dexedrine and then felt sleepy before it kicked in and thought "Crap.. Now I'm gonna be even more artificially awake".

rip

I am doing okay. Just feeling bad about therapy and all that stuff. It is hard to find a good therapist.

I like the armchair cover I got, it's a lot more comfortable, non slip, and very protective so it should help keep the cats from damaging it further. I'm thinking about getting one of the same brand/type in their loveseat size to cover my loveseat sofa

Mustachio likes it too

That's awesome haha. That cheered me up.

Heart OCD....

Have you guys heard of the app "Fabulous?" I just used it and while it does cost money it's helping me get motivated so far. I think it'll help me for sure.

I'm thinking of my whole life as going through infinite dimensions (Because I could die at any moment and get zapped in any direction depending on the time and how I die).

So I will end up in Nirvana, hell etc.. I'll lose hope hundreds of millions of times, find it again, grow as trees or the bees that pollinate flowers, get eaten or decomposed, explode as many supernovae, become tortured, murdered or eaten, fall as a snow flake in the winter and evaporate in the spring, become an alien egg, electricity or any form of energy, become the conscious singularity of the sound from a musical instrument, intense euphoria, pain and the hallucinatory magical salt and water of tears, pouring from the face of God.

It's going to be a really long time. I will become you, astrally projected into your body at this very moment, not knowing where or who I am.

I'll dream a many thousand dreams, all of what I want. But maybe that can all happen in this lifetime (With advanced virtual reality). Upload my consciousness into the cloud, 1's and 0's (All of that). Like Terence Mckenna says, "In the future, things will appear faster than they can be made". Worm holes, time machines, artificial intelligence.. Will it be a good world? Who knows - Only me and all of those that are around me - Or everyone else as I get locked in the dark, brain damaged void. Own every Bitcoin and help out as many people or steal gold from every king.

People are on the streets, in war - Hopeless, broken smiles, stories of trauma, loneliness, despair, heartbreak and the world - pollution causing cancer, destruction of nature, blasting rockets into the sky in hopes to get away/disconnect - When as Alan Watts said, "Become more sensitive.. Let it come to you"... Be receptive. The Buddhist monks, meditating.. just by using the mind to immerse in alternate realities - Dreams, comas and transcending death - Opposite of the anti-aging billionaires that want to rule generations, have already destroyed the current new ones.. A dead Western American Empire, funnel the money, manipulate - Taking control of something that is really (In the end), in control by no one at all.

So decide!

"Oculogyric crisis (OGC) is the name of a dystonic reaction to certain drugs or medical conditions characterized by a prolonged involuntary upward deviation of the eyes. The term "oculogyric" refers to the bilateral elevation of the visual gaze,[1] but several other responses are associated with the crisis.

Initial symptoms include restlessness, agitation, malaise, or a fixed stare. Then comes the more characteristically described extreme and sustained upward deviation of the eyes. In addition, the eyes may converge, deviate upward and laterally, or deviate downward.

Other features that are noted during attacks include mutism, palilalia, eye blinking, lacrimation, pupil dilation, drooling, respiratory dyskinesia, increased blood pressure and heart rate, facial flushing, headache, vertigo, anxiety, agitation, compulsive thinking, paranoia, depression, recurrent fixed ideas, depersonalization, violence, and obscene language.[4]

In addition to the acute presentation, oculogyric crisis can develop as a recurrent syndrome, triggered by stress and by exposure to the drugs mentioned below."

THIS... THIS is what my problem was (When having DP/DR) - It happened right after I was put on Invega, the "EYE zig zagging" problem. It's so horrifying.. I'm figuring it out.. It all makes sense. And olanzepine stopped this from happening.. It's DYSTONIA.

Yeah I'm not sure I understand all of this (you seem to have a much better grasp of the technicalities of these things), but I find olanzapine to be super helpful as well. The 15 mg of it really, really gets my depression better. I am so grateful I have that medicine prescribed for me.

That's great. You should (perhaps, just a suggestion) find a way of noting these days on a calendar or something when you feel good. Maybe find a way of remembering when you feel good so when you don't feel so good, you can remember you've had good days recently. Anyway just an idea.

Thanks yes that's a good idea

Also, I haven't heard of the app Fabulous before but I'll check it out

Impulsivity

I know that this existence never truly does "end", I know that I can never escape.

Edit: Nvm I'll continue.. and I have many arguments for this against myself. Just venting.

My apartment case manager gave me the number and extension to the people I need to talk to about getting started volunteering at that place. So I called them today left my name, number and a message. Hopefully I hear back soon

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Have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow afternoon. Excited to tell her about the volunteer job thing I will hopefully be starting soon

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Okay so I'm signed up for 5 lunch shifts

August 22nd, 24th, 26th, 31st
September 1st

Each is from 11am-1pm

My case manager said to just try it out/feel it out and if I like it I can sign up for more after that

My sister has Covid. She has a fever and a cough

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