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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 04:45 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus View Post
I'm sorry, and I am sure your pdoc does not hate you.

I struggle with similar feelings that I am pestering my pdoc.

However, it's their job to help you. I have called my pdoc three times this week if it makes you feel any better.
Thanks, WA, that does make me feel better! I rarely bother him outside of our scheduled appointment times, but with a crisis, all that goes out the window! I just hate to be a pain in anyone's backside!

I struggle with feeling like I am bothering people or making them mad, and most of the time that is just my distorted thinking, or maybe paranoia. Usually people get mad if I ask them if they are mad, so I have learned not to do that. But then you never really know, do you.....so it becomes a point to ruminate on. Sigh.

He will probably get back to me after 6 PM. That is when he is finished with patients for the day. At least he is working today. He works Wed-Friday only. Last week when I was bugging him, it was on his "off" days. Whoops.

HUGS my friend. Hugs.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 04:52 PM
  #22
Well my youngest niece survived her first day of Kindergarten.

My sister sent me before school and after school pictures. In the after school picture, my niece is wearing some kind of paper hat that they colored. I am surprised she colored because she doesn't like coloring, and when she does color she DEMANDS markers but it was nicely colored (for a five year old) in crayon. Maybe she saw the other kiddos using crayons and wanted to fit in. And, she actually kept her hair up all day, and did not pull out the elastic bands from her pigtails. I am astonished. Small victories/miracles.

My sister said that when it was time to drop her off at school she anticipated a big scene with tears and meltdowns and the like. But she walked through the gate in the fence like she owned the place. And she said when she got picked up that her day was long. Lol.

Probably because baby girl stays up until 11 PM or 12 AM and now she has to get up for school early in the AM. (My sister and brother-in-law don't believe in set bedtimes, just that children will go to sleep when they are tired. Shrug. I don't know. I don't have kiddos. We had a bedtime growing up, but I don't know if that is common or uncommon.)

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 05:15 PM
  #23
My Pdoc got back to me. He said I could restart the Cymbalta. I usually take 30 mg twice a day. So he said take only 30 mg for a couple of days and then work my way back up to 30 mg in the morning and 30 at night. Whew. I hope this gives me some relief.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 05:16 PM
  #24
I also got a chocolate bar at the liquor store next to work. Yum. It ended my craving for chocolate. Stupid stress.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 05:22 PM
  #25
Saw my doctor today. He understands what I mean when I tried to explain about why I wanted to see a gynaecologist instead of him for a pap.

While I was there he asked how I was feeling and I explained that I had a couple days where I was almost hypomanic and then I calmed down and while I’m trying to get into exercising I’m feeling this lack of motivation in anything having to do with taking care of myself. Exercise, showering, brushing my teeth. I’m trying and it’s hard sometimes.

He doesn’t want to put me on any SSRI or anything because he thinks I’m driving a fine line with my meds. He’s worried I could easily go up in my mood if I’m on an SSRI. Which I understand. I just had a random bout of almost hypomania and that wasn’t even with anything extra.

So I have gastro doctor tomorrow, then CT scan at the end of the month (and I have to get blood tests a week before), then allergist at the beginning of September. I see another doctor about my CT results a couple weeks after my CT scan. And then that takes us to mid September and I’ll probably see my doctor again then.

He made mention again that he’s a little worried about my blood pressure. It’s a little high. Combined with me being overweight and fatty liver he’s considering suggesting I go on ozempic to help me lose weight.

I’m trying my best but I might do it if my insurance covers it. If it can help long lasting weight loss that would be great. When I’m mentally in a bad place my eating disorder kicks in and I can lose a lot of weight easily and workout like crazy to lose weight. But I’m mentally somewhat normal so I don’t seem to know how to lose weight in a long lasting safe way.

It’s annoying. I’ve always struggled with my weight ever since I was a teenager. Before the pandemic I was in a good place and was going to the gym and also swimming. Then it was all at home crazy and I gained a lot of weight. Doesn’t help the medication as well.

I wish I had motivation and I wish I felt safe enough in the world to go to the gym. I really enjoyed going to the gym when I did go before.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 07:39 PM
  #26
SK, an emergency is an emergency, that's what pdocs are for, especially for people with psychosis. ((hugs)) You're not a burden, you're special because you care so much.

Cog, I've given up on my weight, I'm on two meds that make it impossible, it's either my sanity (with high blood pressure) or a healthy weight with no sleep. It sucks so much. ((hugs))

Talked to my T today, everything is so so, my pdoc tried to get me off my benzo willy-nilly to 2 times a week, but haha yeah, withdrawal is a son of a B, so looks like im staying on it until October when I get to speak to her again! haha

My story is coming along, 141 pages, I'm drawing on new emotions as I reintroduce myself to the story over and over again. I'm trying to be conscientious as I write this, but I wish I had a couple weeks with it to really sit down and give it my all. I'l take a week off in September and do this. God, I haven't had a vacation in 12 months now, "Welcome to America."

SP, you amaze me how you land keep landing on your feet, you know how to plan your big moves, I was I was capable at doing this.
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 09:17 AM
  #27
Did 30 minutes on the treadmill, plus weights, and resistance bands. Also cleaned

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 09:23 AM
  #28
Good morning, friends

I hope everyone is doing good today. I have a short day. I'm only working about 7 hours today so that's good. I'm looking forward to the weekend. I feel better just knowing that my pdoc said I could go back on the Cymbalta. I am sure I have a bit of placebo effect going on, but I don't care, as long as I feel better. I will talk to my therapist on Sunday. She's been checking in on me with texts, which is a little weird but okay. Hopefully today will go by fast until I get home. I have a meeting (virtually) with two of my bosses. I'm a little worried about it but hopefully it will be okay. I don't think I am in trouble. I think they want to implement some new policies around time-card keeping. We'll see. Psychosis is a bit better today, though it is early.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
HUGS Kit

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 09:23 AM
  #29
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SK, an emergency is an emergency, that's what pdocs are for, especially for people with psychosis. ((hugs)) You're not a burden, you're special because you care so much.
Oh, thank you, Job. You are such a kind friend.

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 11:26 AM
  #30
Saw the gastro doc today. He’s giving me a medication to help with the nausea I’m still having but doesn’t see that my problems are gastro related. So he’s making sure im referred to a liver doctor and I’ll have a follow up in a few months with this doctor see how im doing. Everything is really riding on the CT scan I have at the end of the month.

I need to lose weight badly. But I need to do it without going off the deep end. It’s hard.

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 01:42 PM
  #31
I'm ****ed
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 01:46 PM
  #32
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I'm ****ed
What's wrong?

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 01:54 PM
  #33
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What's wrong?
I can't even explain sorry. I have no idea what I'm even doing. But thanks for caring.

Edit: I'm completely out of control
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 02:07 PM
  #34
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I can't even explain sorry. I have no idea what I'm even doing. But thanks for caring.

Edit: I'm completely out of control
It's okay. No need to apologize. HUGS Kit

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 03:22 PM
  #35
I need to just.. smoke weed and search conspiracies. It's a good distraction.

I'll be okay. I just need to decide to live.

I just feel horribly alone and isolated. I can't take it anymore. I've been in this hell for too long.

I agree that I have mild autism.
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 04:26 PM
  #36
Improvement of mood...
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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 04:31 PM
  #37
Drew this today
Attached Images
File Type: jpg CC0F8E58-15FD-4E8F-959D-1502F45B0BC8.jpg (206.0 KB, 9 views)

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 04:38 PM
  #38
Now it’s time for French fries and re-watching the hobbit

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 04:43 PM
  #39
So tomorrow I’m going to my friends house to hang out. Sunday I’m going to church for the first time in 3 years. Next week I have 2 dentist appointments, and a coffee social event thing my apartment is doing, plus some grocery shopping to do. After that the week of the 22nd I have three 2 hour volunteer lunch shifts and more the following week. So it’s gonna be busy, plus have to include time to exercise, clean, etc.

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Default Aug 12, 2022 at 06:31 PM
  #40
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Now it’s time for French fries and re-watching the hobbit

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This sounds excellent

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