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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 01:51 PM
  #441
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Do you have a new plan in place to handle the stress…maybe with a T? Do you currently have a T?
Yeah, I do have one. Right now we're just focusing on me volunteering and dealing with that type of stress like when I had a panic attack the last time I volunteered.

I can handle it I think, school. I just keep second guessing myself because of my history with it and I don't want to screw up again. I'll go back in January, I can do it

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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 01:55 PM
  #442
I feel kind of bad about myself sometimes because I feel like I should be able to handle stress, I have a really hard time with it. I know everyone does, it's just mental health struggles make it a bit more complicated and I just wish I could handle stress normally

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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 01:58 PM
  #443
I mean I guess I'm making progress though, I almost cried when having a panic attack while volunteering during a lunch shift but I managed not to and pulled myself together without bolting out the door.

That's pretty huge progress because typically I would have just left if I were in a situation like that

I just have to tell myself what's the worst that can happen, no one is going to yell at me, I may panic a little but it's not the end of the world and I can get through it. I got through it last time so if it happens again I'll be even better prepared and know I've made it through it before

I guess maybe this is good exposure therapy

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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 02:10 PM
  #444
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Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus View Post
Yeah I split mine between evernote and onenote, tbh, because I could never decide which program was better (and still can't).
Since I bought this phone I've been using Color Note. There's another really basic app I use but I forget what it's called.

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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 02:11 PM
  #445
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Thanks DownandLonely and WA, I appreciate it


It's weird how someone can be alive and well and then suddenly gone, I will miss him. He was a lot of fun to be around. I'm trying to be there for my sister and niece. I feel bad for my niece. She's 17 and like a year ago her best friend she grew up with her whole life
Possible trigger:
and now her dad has died.
How terrible. I'm so sorry, BB.

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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 02:40 PM
  #446
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Thank you, they used to be better but I didn't take good care of them for a long time
If you keep up with them, they should last a lot longer than mine did. Roll Call 195

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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 02:40 PM
  #447
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I mean I guess I'm making progress though, I almost cried when having a panic attack while volunteering during a lunch shift but I managed not to and pulled myself together without bolting out the door.

That's pretty huge progress because typically I would have just left if I were in a situation like that

I just have to tell myself what's the worst that can happen, no one is going to yell at me, I may panic a little but it's not the end of the world and I can get through it. I got through it last time so if it happens again I'll be even better prepared and know I've made it through it before

I guess maybe this is good exposure therapy
Do you know what your triggers are is it social or just being outside the house….online classes might work for you.

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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 08:10 PM
  #448
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Do you know what your triggers are is it social or just being outside the house….online classes might work for you.

Several things. Social, stress of assignments in general etc.

But yeah I am taking the classes online

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Default Sep 04, 2022 at 07:51 AM
  #449
I feel better today, I slept some last night, probably not enough but better than the just 2 hours I slept the previous night

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Default Sep 04, 2022 at 09:47 AM
  #450
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AD! I remember you well =]


But damn.. I'm sorry about what happened. I remember last, talking to you at the end of 2019. You helped me with a few things on Roll Call, and then you disappeared (For better or for worse I thought).


So much stuff happened but all drama. It's amazing that the ECT helped (Although definitely, people lose memory).
HEY!!! I remember you too! I miss talking to you! I had no idea I was helpful to you but, I’m really glad I was able to be. I’ve been through a lot but… I’m still here you know? Still breathing and all the other “yes I’m alive” stuff.

Drama is inevitable, I’ve dealt with quite a bit of it elsewhere online lately. Thankfully it’s been easy to resolve.

I disappeared for a lot of reasons, none of which were voluntary… I’ve missed being here and being able to chat with people who understand (at least in part) what I’m going through.

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Hi, just wanted to say I've had ECT as well, and it sucks but it has helped me longer-term. I think at least. Sorry you've had such a rough time lately.
Yeah, it does suck but I have to say it has definitely helped me in the long term, too. Thank you.

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I remember you AD…sorry you’ve been through so much but hopefully the worst is over….
You somehow always make me smile, I remember you too. I’m glad you and other familiar faces are still around. Helps me get more oriented because a lot has changed around here. And I’m three years older… doesn’t seem like a lot but it feels that way when two years of those three are erased from your memory.


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I remember you! It's good to see you, I am sorry for everything you've been going through
Hey, I remember you… I hope you’re doing okay I know you like everyone else here goes through a lot.

thank you all for the messages. I guess I’m not as easy to forget as I sometimes think I am.

In a lot of ways I’m doing better but I still have rough days, and I’ve had a rough few weeks so yeah… figured I’d check in and say hi to some of my favorite people. Roll Call 195
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Default Sep 05, 2022 at 07:45 PM
  #451
I don't feel good today, very anxious, panicky and also really tired for no reason (I slept fine the previous night) and I feel like I'm getting a sore throat. I also feel out of touch because I haven't actually talked to anyone in a couple days

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Default Sep 06, 2022 at 01:34 AM
  #452
Talking to autists through encrypted messages in my computer terminal is a trip.

Big forest fire sizzled the electricity wires. Power will be out for around a week. I always have feared power blackouts - Especially with this decaying, meth society full of clowns.

I visited and had dinner with a cousin and her husband - They asked me questions.. and at the time (Before I took the olanzepine), I was feeling exactly like what BB is describing - Just massive anxiety and couldn't say much. It's quite horrible.

I wonder if ket BDNF neuroplasticity could benefit with olanzepine.. Idk.

I saw on the news, the culprit for a horrible event.. My mom said "He must have been on drugs" and I said "Drugs didn't do that to me..", she said "Thank God - Must be good genetics".. But like.. Don't I have schiz? It's nonsense.

I'll visit with my dad tomorrow, we'll talk etc.. I hope that I won't have much cognitive impairment. I'm supposed to get the Invega Trinza injection tomorrow but I'll prolong it for a few days. I think most people (Including my parents) have worse mental health than I do. Although, in the past.. I was super, super handicapped from isolation.
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Default Sep 06, 2022 at 09:27 AM
  #453
Hi everyone, hope you're all well. Just thought I'd drop in and say hello. Roll Call 195
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Default Sep 06, 2022 at 02:11 PM
  #454
I never feel hungry for breakfast or lunch. With my dad, I'll drink an alcohol.
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Default Sep 07, 2022 at 03:14 AM
  #455
Hello Roll Call 195- I’m trying to see the forest through all the trees. Roll Call 195

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Default Sep 07, 2022 at 12:53 PM
  #456
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Hi everyone, hope you're all well. Just thought I'd drop in and say hello. Roll Call 195
Hi Unsure! good to see you

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Default Sep 07, 2022 at 12:54 PM
  #457
Had to go get an x-ray of my neck yesterday. I've had shoulder pain for years and now I have numbness and tingling in my arm. I got the results in an email from the radiologist. I am trying to contact my Dr. but her out of office message is on, so probably someone did not switch the phones over from the answering service. Ugh. Likely she won't read the report until tonight though because that is when she usually catches up on all that stuff so maybe I will hear from her tomorrow. It sounds like my C5 and C6 are messed up.

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Default Sep 08, 2022 at 12:37 PM
  #458
The Queen just passed away Roll Call 195
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Default Sep 08, 2022 at 03:02 PM
  #459
The doctor that gave me the Invega injection was a ****. "Having any odd thoughts?" - Why does he even bother asking? He doesn't care. How many people have told me "Everyone else is going through the same thing" - Just cuz of the ****ing schiz diagnosis.

I wanted to KMS since I was a kid. Idk why I even asked for treatment. Nothing's changed. I was just too scared to do it - But I bet he WANTS me to KMS. And i bet all of those doctors talk about me.

I had a good visit with my dad - I was feeling numb, cuz he was getting me to buy things on the computer and I was anxious and couldn't focus. He said I'm "okay" - But the power is on and off cuz of the fire, my mom had super stressful day at work, took codeine, lorazepam and alcohol.. I got mad at her and then was talking with a Ukrainian migrant (Really smart) - And I see.. I should be grateful. But I knew society would be like this - That's why I went out of control. And so many other mental torture I went through.

The will to live was stripped from me long ago.. Psychologist would ask me "Any odd thoughts?" **** HIM. I was isolated as all ****.

And so, the Ukrainian woman dismissed my philosophy about "Infinity" - Like.. I doesn't matter. She had it worse, why would (Some bipolar guy that is her coworker) would buy drugs or w/e in a manic state "Wtf why are you doing that stuff" - And my interest in neuroscience and pharmacology.. It doesn't matter. They're just "Drugs..", live for a better life - All of that.

I gave my mom a hug and said that I'm proud of her for quitting drinking for so long - And then she asks me to plug her phone in - But it happened 4-6 times!! And it's like when she's confused, intoxicated, she does it on purpose for attention. And I SNAPPED. I ****ING SNAPPED BIG TIME, And then acted like nothing happened. She said to my dad "He could be in a psychotic state" - NO IM NOT. Even my dad said "He's okay!" and I was calm, I fell asleep. I took codeine, clonazepam, phenibut and alcohol. It was fine.

I sat by the fire at the end of the night with my dad and we listened to a cool podcast - He fell asleep. It was a good visit.

But now I just feel like throwing EVERYTHING away. This reality is ****ed. I could kms and end up on an alien planet or somewhere like hell idfk. **** this. **** DP/DR. Nothing is worth this. No one even tries to understand me. Everything I say, it could be said better but IDGAF. I want help but not like this.
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Default Sep 08, 2022 at 05:38 PM
  #460
The power is still off so I'll meditate once my devices are drained. For now I'll search up how to do it properly.
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