Roll Call 195

Much better today...

Almost finished with the 3rd episode of Rings of Power. I know a lot of people are upset with it because they feel the acting isn't great, etc and other reasons they believe it isn't good, but I'm enjoying it and honestly don't care what other people think. It's not The Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit movie quality but I still like it a lot. I don't know, I feel like when people don't like something they tear it down and try to force other people to hate it as well and get mad when others like something they think is "bad quality". Just let people enjoy what shows, books, movies they enjoy

There's very few things that I don't like. I appreciate all things for what they are. Am idealist.

I can't hate life in general a lot of times either. If you love life, life will love you back...

I can't take the pain anymore. I do what ever I can do to stop it short term. I can't concentrate enough for long term - But I still try.

I'm figuring things out.. Need healing somehow

Hope you're doing okay Desoxyn

I'm like that too, didn't know there was a word for it, idealist, that's cool

Good morning, woke up at 4:30am and couldn't get back to sleep I'm up for the day, it's about 7am now.

Going to my friend's house later, we're gonna play the Pokemon TCG, the Digimon TCG, and also watch a movie, really looking forward to it! I honestly can't wait, it will be nice to socialize for a few hours.

I'm doing pretty well. Haven't missed a dose of any of my meds in over 2 months I think. Been taking them very consistently. My final appointment with my psychiatrist of 6 years is on Wednesday, she's leaving to go work at the hospital, so I'll be seeing someone else, whoever they get next at the clinic I guess.

Have an apartment inspection on Monday. Should be fine.

I want to build something with legos. I don't have any legos anymore but for a few years I was buying those sets that you build. They were a lot of fun to do.

I will miss her.

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You're brilliant des!

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It always cheers me up when you post.

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Thank you very much

I deleted a reply cuz it doesn't make sense - But idealist = "One whose conduct or thinking is influenced by ideals that often conflict with practical considerations".

So my friends that I made through work - who I thought I was pretty close to. Well they decided I’m too negative and created a Snapchat group without me in it and stopped talking to me. I know this because one of them told me about it and thinks the other three are acting like children.

I have some messages from some of them but honestly you know **** them. Two faced *****es. Except the one that stood up for me. I can’t face the messages and the mea cuplas right now.

They constantly complain about everything and I’m giving positive messages and create conversation but as soon as I say something negative I’m the bad guy? How dumb. And instead of talking to me about it or showing concern if my attitude is negative they ghost me? How immature.

I’m not going to defriend anyone or leave any chats. If they have a problem with me they can ****ing leave.

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People can be assholes sometimes. **** them.

I like you! You're realistic, hoping for better, struggling with those 100 things you've mentioned on here - It's not easy. You handled that well though, maturely.

Am in the middle - Hyper and calm. And I like it here.. Although not perfect at all (Working on self constantly).

I'm sometimes leave chats cuz of Avoidant PD. For people to understand each other/and not judge.. That's key.

I feel like I'm an idealist too. Until recently, I was under the impression that most parents were not abusive. Apparently I was wrong...

Sorry that happened to you Cogladaid, that is really hurtful

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An idealist being abused is a whole different game. It can seem like it sucks even worse. Then you've got intrusive thoughts about the past, how you've missed it all, didn't stand up for self.. Could have made a better life.

But we live now... to accept.. But even society/system works that way - An idealist is child-like, innocent to the reality (Caught up in imagination) SMACK.. "Pay attention!"...

And people will put you down too, especially for me (Without much common sense about life), "This is the way things are" - No validation... No worth. "Accept the bitter truth, you're nothing and always will be".

Then you have to do meaningless tasks (Like I did, as a slave in isolation), having what seems like unobtainable dreams + coworkers abusing you (Because they feel bad about themselves and must project), the pain is unbearable..... Life, not fair.. But it doesn't mean that all dreams have to be crushed, as we create our own thing...

To lift others up, never put them down...... Relate to pain, be compassionate, understanding.. Make decisions in your best interest (When all crushed fully), be yourself..

And... Even then, I have moments of snapping at people, imagining that they are abusive (By thinking about the past too much - Dissociatively thinking that I'm standing up for myself, back then), then feel bad...

PTSD, rip. It's what the elite psychopaths wanted. Now they feed on our blood, make MDMA (Trauma med) psychotherapy illegal. Destroy and cause decay, drain everyone of wealth for basic needs.

But love prevails, etc. And maybe this as destiny is the way to go.. To colonize in the stars through inter dimensional consciousness based time machines/teleporting, like people did to other continents.. And live life with more improvement of meaning, cycling/swirling geometric realities, ever changing (Like they're supposed to). As nothing is ever the same.

There will always be pain on the other side, wherever it is being hidden.

You can attend to pain by looking inward (From what has been caused), feeling it and helping others (If you want) - Or feel demonic energies within (Effect), allow them to grow and put others down. Who decides that type of free will? The one..