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Old 09-20-2022, 05:26 PM   #581
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

I saw my friend today! I just happened to be in the lobby and I looked up and there he was! We got a wonderful hug. He just dropped by to give me a phone charging cord.

I have a headache though that keeps recurring. If I want to leave here I'll have to try to get a month of rent at a motel here. And look for a new apartment. They might already be much too expensive.

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Old 09-21-2022, 12:48 PM   #582
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

I'm glad I got back into art again. It's good to have another thing to do with my hands because whenever I don't have anything to do with them I obsessively pick at my skin for hours and can only stop if I am doing something with my hands like journaling, drawing, playing ukulele, etc

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Old 09-21-2022, 09:22 PM   #583
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

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I'm glad I got back into art again. It's good to have another thing to do with my hands because whenever I don't have anything to do with them I obsessively pick at my skin for hours and can only stop if I am doing something with my hands like journaling, drawing, playing ukulele, etc

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To keep your hands busy, you might also try keeping modeling clay in your hands. You can squeeze it, make stuff out of it, it sounds like fun to me and I will probably see if I can get some. Roll Call 195

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Old 09-21-2022, 09:26 PM   #584
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

There was a smoking day, after at least 2 months. It might have been 3 months, not sure. So I got to use my vape! It was wonderful! And it was very bright out, I put my sunglasses on and kept forgetting. Roll Call 195

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Old 09-22-2022, 06:26 AM   #585
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There was a smoking day, after at least 2 months. It might have been 3 months, not sure. So I got to use my vape! It was wonderful! And it was very bright out, I put my sunglasses on and kept forgetting. Roll Call 195

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Glad you had a good day

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Old 09-22-2022, 06:26 AM   #586
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To keep your hands busy, you might also try keeping modeling clay in your hands. You can squeeze it, make stuff out of it, it sounds like fun to me and I will probably see if I can get some. Roll Call 195

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That’s a good idea

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Old 09-22-2022, 06:27 AM   #587
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

Have an appointment with my therapist later today

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Old 09-22-2022, 12:15 PM   #588
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

It's so hard to make sense of such a nonsensical world.

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Old 09-22-2022, 03:31 PM   #589
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It's so hard to make sense of such a nonsensical world.

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yes, I agree
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Old 09-22-2022, 03:54 PM   #590
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

I have a lot more self awareness/insight than I used to. It used to be when I got paranoid I had zero insight and was 100% certain of my beliefs, no therapist or anyone could convince me otherwise, now I am aware that occasionally some of my beliefs are odd, and paranoid. Which is good, because I'm able to challenge them and recognize that they're not right even if I mostly feel like they are. Also, I have more self awareness in terms of like knowing what causes my anxiety, panic attacks and my eating disorder symptoms etc. Like when my therapist asked me why i thought I started bingeing again, I said it helped my anxiety and made me feel comfort. Which is true. Obviously it doesn't help long term but I have insight into it now. Normally when people would ask me why I'm anxious, why I'm having trouble with my eating disorder, etc my answer is I don't know. Also I went through a phase of not eating enough before that which tends to alwayas at some point backfire into a week long binge sometimes longer.

Anyways I had a good appointment, she said it's good I've gone a year withouth purging. Which is great, because normally when I binge I end up purging but I've managed to completely stop that behaviour finally, permanently it seems.
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Old 09-22-2022, 06:49 PM   #591
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

I have been off line for a while cause I'm making big decisions and stuff. No just kidding. But kind of.

I have missed the opportunity to chat on here.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing fine and having a decent night.
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Old 09-22-2022, 06:51 PM   #592
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

Been kind of entertaining the idea of pursuing a doctorate.
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Old 09-22-2022, 06:52 PM   #593
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

But work! The real world does work, don't they! Idk. I have trouble accepting that my path is atypical.
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Old 09-22-2022, 09:38 PM   #594
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Been kind of entertaining the idea of pursuing a doctorate.
The thesis for a doctorate runs at least 100 pages fyi, normally longer.
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Old 09-23-2022, 11:44 AM   #595
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

Worked out yesterday, treadmill, weights, squats. Feel sore today. Took a walk to the store today to get some food. Been practicing ukulele a lot. Learned a new song, have it memorized so I don't need sheet music to play it now. It's Oh Come All Ye Faithful.

Called my doctor's office, he's on vacation apparently, requested a referral to an OBGYN for a women's wellness exam, left a message with the nurse to let him know. He can technically do those but I'd prefer someone that's not him to do it because it would just feel awkward having him do it. And I have to do it, because it's been over 3 years since I've had one and the case manager here made it one of my goals, which sucks but whatever. I'll just get it over with, it's just so anxiety inducing.

I actualy had to turn the heat on today, it's 50 degrees outside and windy, and it was in the low 40's last night. Like a week ago it was hot as hell out. It sure changed fast
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Old 09-23-2022, 11:46 AM   #596
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

I'm going back to college in January, so a little over 3 months from now. I'm not sure if I'm ready but I'm going to do my best. I don't know what I'm majoring in, I know I want to change my major just am not sure what to yet. I'm just going to work on getting all the basic math, history, science classes out of the way first
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Old 09-23-2022, 11:50 AM   #597
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

I'm excited to volunteer on Tuesday. I'm going to show up and do my best. If I mess up or get nervous it's okay, it's not the end of the world
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Old 09-23-2022, 02:22 PM   #598
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The thesis for a doctorate runs at least 100 pages fyi, normally longer.
I used to think I could do that but not anymore, sadly
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Old 09-23-2022, 04:09 PM   #599
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

Randomly really missing my therapist today. We just talked on Tuesday. Boy I'm lame.
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Old 09-23-2022, 04:10 PM   #600
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Default Re: Roll Call 195

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The thesis for a doctorate runs at least 100 pages fyi, normally longer.
Yeah to all those people who keep telling me to go back to college to get my PhD.....this. This. This. I don't want to do This.

I keep saying I'll get my PhD when I retire. In something I want to get it in. Like Medieval History or something. Not Business. Or Accounting. Or anything like that. Yeah so I have like 25-30 years before I retire. Lots of time to talk myself out of getting a PhD.
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