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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
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#601
I hope you’re okay Desoxyn
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Desoxyn, downandlonely
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
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#602
I'm just posting random nonsense on schizophrenia reddit cuz I'm so overwhelmed. I'm aware of my reactions to people.... It's just too much. I can't keep having the awareness of existing for billions of years, walking through shopping malls, being machines that need to be repaired or geometric shapes fitting together (Cuz that's all this is). Vibration, frequency, energy.
I'm taking the olanzepine again but I'm UTTERLY DEPENDENT. It has terrible terrible withdrawal. And they'll stop making it once society breaks down even more. How can I even enjoy existing if I'm going to become everyone, experience everything that includes torture - That's why my mind is torturing itself. Because I'm unhappy - But after this, when a few hours pass maybe.. I'll forget about it and get these feelings out of my system. I feel like I'm not good enough, I did this to myself. Why do people care about abortion if the baby will just get transported (Or already is in another reality before the egg and sperm meet - Or the heart beats, etc..) to another universe where it will become the baby - YES POSSIBLY a cricket having a human baby.... something stupid like that.. Everything you can imagine is possible. And the psychedelics becoming legal in Canada - It's okay for citizens because it's too late to have a 3rd eye and realize that everyones getting screwed over with the virus, destroying the economy.. controlling everyone. That's why weed is legal too already. It's too late. I need people to understand - Or a shaman. And I was triggered by the school talk - Cuz I feel like I'm too cognitively impaired from antipsychotics + I wasn't fine in the first place. No one talked to me much in my life. I've been so isolated. I don't paint, draw or enjoy myself.. I just think, like becoming buddha on my own while reading about buddhism for 15 minutes a week and another 100x 15 minutes on something else, this that. And people enjoy the american empire, learn arabic and travel to places, experience so many things but I don't just look at the big picture and torture in the world - I see movies, are drugs and brainwash. Nothing is as what it really seems. And that sociopath schiz, all the ones that smoke DMT etc, enlightenments evil twin, pure infinite nihilism.. And before for me, it was just finite.. all would end and I was being abused so why try. I held on for life. I talk to people with autism and they are okay. Maybe if I wasn't so alone and left to my own devices about not wanting to join in on society, other kids playing game when I was a kid - And not talking about existence. No one bothers to reflect on meaning, look at the stars.. who cares about space, and playing game, i cant do anymore cuz its distracting - Oh yeah.. Different realities... Escaping. I'm the only sane person back then. |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,908 hugs
given |
#603
I took a little more phenibut. Wait ~2 hours and I'll be fine.
I wanted to taper off before I go on vacation to Mexico in 2 months. I can bring gabapentin and pregabalin on the plane though. And I'm not getting heart palpitations anymore. I haven't had them in months. |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,908 hugs
given |
#604
It made me fall asleep
It's all too much. Even this day. I need mercy. Something bad is happening to me. |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,908 hugs
given |
#605
I think I've killed Roll Call.
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#606
I'm here, I just slept most of the day and am eating now
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Desoxyn, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,409
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#607
We went out to the park and had a fantastic Thai lunch today. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs! |
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SlumberKitty
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Blue_Bird, unsure123
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
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#608
I feel so agitated
I feel like punching a hole in the wall or punching myself I'm not even sure why, I'm just agitated __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,908 hugs
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#609
I have some permanent derealization
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,980
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,908 hugs
given |
#610
I'm depressed AF. The stress is too much. I give up. I want to die.
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#611
Desoxyn, have you told your doctor about these feelings? They might be able to make a med adjustment to help you
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Desoxyn
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
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#612
I'm sorry you're struggling desoxyn, I don't think people want you to hurt yourself , could the hospital help? They might be able to change your meds if your doctor isn't helping
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#613
I've felt so uncomfortable all day. I've been nauseous, too hot, too cold, can't get comfortable
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#614
I'm also really tired but I don't want to sleep, I've been having nightmares the past couple days and I don't feel like having them they're realistic one woke me up the other day I dreamed someone was trying to kill me and I woke myself up kicking and punching at nothing
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#615
Possible trigger:
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
Last edited by Blue_Bird; Sep 24, 2022 at 10:31 PM.. |
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Desoxyn, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#616
I never knew if that was normal or not? Or whether it was relevant to bring up to therapists etc so I've never brought it up. And it always felt too uncomfortable and embarassing to bring up
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,565
8 |
#617
Quote:
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s definitely not normal and it’s also not your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about. She was solely responsible as she was the adult. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#618
Quote:
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,724
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#619
Which is why I never knew if it was normal or not, I knew it was something I didn't like and caused a lot of self hatred. It wasn't really her fault because she was a kid too, I'm guessing some adult in her life did something to her and that's why she acted the way she did, I'm just guessing most 7 or 8 years old don't know explicit sexual stuff and try to do that to their friends and intimidate them by saying they'll get you in trouble if you try to leave. I was easily intimidated when I was a kid even by other kids my own age.
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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cogladaid
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,565
8 |
#620
Quote:
Oh I’m sorry I didn’t have my glasses on and read that wrong. I read it that she was 20. Sorry. But either way you’re not responsible. You didn’t do anything wrong you were a kid. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Blue_Bird
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