Roll Call 195

cogladaid · Sep 25, 2022 at 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Which is why I never knew if it was normal or not, I knew it was something I didn't like and caused a lot of self hatred. It wasn't really her fault because she was a kid too, I'm guessing some adult in her life did something to her and that's why she acted the way she did, I'm just guessing most 7 or 8 years old don't know explicit sexual stuff and try to do that to their friends and intimidate them by saying they'll get you in trouble if you try to leave. I was easily intimidated when I was a kid even by other kids my own age.

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My suggestion would be to talk to your therapist about this. As you said it caused a lot of self hatred. Anything that causes such strong emotion should be discussed to help you move past it and deal properly.

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Blue_Bird · Sep 25, 2022 at 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

My suggestion would be to talk to your therapist about this. As you said it caused a lot of self hatred. Anything that causes such strong emotion should be discussed to help you move past it and deal properly.

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Thank you I will do that, I’m glad I’m finally saying something about it after so long. I just remember feeling really guilty and self hatred for years as a little kid when I was 8, 9, 10, 11, and a lot of confusion about it. I remember it keeping me up sometimes crying. I feel like if I told someone about it as a kid it would have helped to talk through it but I was too embarrassed to ever say anything.

As an adult now it doesn’t really cause me issues now but I think it could have played a small part in some of my depressive episodes when I was 11-14 and when I tried to

Possible trigger:

commit suicide

when I was 14. I think keeping it a secret caused me a lot of internal grief

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Blue_Bird · Sep 25, 2022 at 08:38 AM

Anyone else hate the idea of cleaning, etc but when you’re doing it you actually really enjoy it. Like I hate the idea of doing the dishes, vacuuming, doing laundry, etc. until I actually am doing it. Once I start I really get on a roll, something about it is so mindful, organizing and cleaning feels very calming and I actually enjoy it.

Same with showering, brushing my teeth, etc. I hate the idea of doing it but once I get started I really like it

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downandlonely · Sep 25, 2022 at 08:47 AM

I've never minded doing laundry. But I feel the same way as you about dishes, showering, and brushing my teeth. I have a really hard time getting into the shower, but once I'm in I do enjoy it.

Blue_Bird · Sep 25, 2022 at 01:12 PM

I keep getting all these random phone calls from unknown numbers everyday throughout the day all day. And 99% of the time there’s never a voicemail, and occasionally there is but it’s usually just silence or some random machine noise. I think someone got my number when my Facebook was hacked and gave it to a bunch of scam bots or something.

I put my phone on do not disturb mode and have left it on that for several weeks because I got tired of my phone constantly going off

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unsure123 · Sep 25, 2022 at 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I keep getting all these random phone calls from unknown numbers everyday throughout the day all day. And 99% of the time there’s never a voicemail, and occasionally there is but it’s usually just silence or some random machine noise. I think someone got my number when my Facebook was hacked and gave it to a bunch of scam bots or something.

I put my phone on do not disturb mode and have left it on that for several weeks because I got tired of my phone constantly going off

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I get loads of random phone calls from unknown numbers. It's usually Indian men claiming they work for Microsoft and I've got a virus on my computer. Sometimes it's a robot voice that says there's been fraudulent transactions from my bank account and that I need to verify my details.

Blue_Bird · Sep 25, 2022 at 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unsure123

I get loads of random phone calls from unknown numbers. It's usually Indian men claiming they work for Microsoft and I've got a virus on my computer. Sometimes it's a robot voice that says there's been fraudulent transactions from my bank account and that I need to verify my details.

Yeah it's so annoying. That's usually what mine are too. I just changed my phone number 5 minutes ago so I'm hoping that helps at least for a short period of time. I didn't want to change my number because I liked the number I had, I had it for like 6 years, but I already did it. Maybe that will slow the calls down a bit

Blue_Bird · Sep 25, 2022 at 06:12 PM

Someone on a game forum I'm on requested a Pikachu drawing from me so I'm going to start working on that

Blue_Bird · Sep 25, 2022 at 06:22 PM

Having really severe anxiety tonight. Had to take some of my klonopin because it keeps getting worse

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Blue_Bird · 06:49 PM

I feel like people in my apartment building are after me. I know it’s not logical it’s just the way it feels. It feels like they’re all coming after me and trying to get rid of me

I’m having a hard time relaxing. I hope the klonopin kicks in soon and helps my anxiety

I'm considering doing a small amount of "retail therapy" next weekend. Just get myself something small. I'm having a hard time the past week or so, and am unsure of what else to do. But do I buy something I need, like new shoes or something frivolous I want like a new journal. Maybe both, I'll see

I think what I'll do is pre-order the new Pokemon game Pokemon Scarlet, it comes out November 18th, so that gives me something to look forward to

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Desoxyn · Sep 25, 2022 at 06:58 PM

I can't focus - I drank a lot of rum. I'll take a magnesium capsule. I took too much stim too so my heart is beating faster.

I'm really stressed out but I'm okay - Apart from having a dead cognitive ability.

I hope for better days. I just wanted to get into reading again. That's all I wanted to do today - But I make everything so complicated.

I want to.. Understand psychedelic therapy and pharmacology.. talk to spiritual leaders, contribute to the thing. That's what I want to do. I want to have fun too - Focus on interesting things, learn, heal, live.

But I feel like I can't. And so I feel like taking acid as if my mind can't be even more screwed up. It hurts!.. to be so useless.

Desoxyn · Sep 25, 2022 at 07:07 PM

The autistic person I talk to..

I think he might be one of the smartest people in the world. What was this post going to be about? I forget..

But like.. Ah **** it..

Desoxyn · Sep 25, 2022 at 07:22 PM

Every time I watch the news, my problems are completely insignificant - How could that possibly be any worse lol?

Desoxyn · Sep 25, 2022 at 07:25 PM

I should read "Brave New World" - Is that a good idea...

Blue_Bird · Sep 26, 2022 at 07:28 AM

Finished the Pikachu drawing. Waiting for the person to decide whether they want it colored in

I have an art thread on this forum, in the creative corner of this forum if anyone is interested in following

Blue_Bird · Sep 26, 2022 at 07:29 AM

Here’s a link to it

My art thread

Sometimes psychotic · Sep 26, 2022 at 11:18 AM

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SlumberKitty · Sep 26, 2022 at 01:33 PM

Pretty SP!

SlumberKitty · Sep 26, 2022 at 01:34 PM

My therapist did a home visit on Saturday. It was nice. I got two hugs. Her hair is MORE PINK! It's kinda fabulous! I had dyed my hair back to brown because I had a lot of blonde highlights but the brown is kind of washing out and some of the blonde is coming back. I'm trying to decide if I should color it again or just forget about it.

My T and I agree I am having a few psychosis symptoms. Not a lot. Nothing to like freak out about or think time to go to the hospital. We are just going to keep an eye on it.

Desoxyn · Sep 26, 2022 at 02:31 PM

Yesterday was hell. I drained all of my happy chems. Today = Good day though. No alcohol or anything - I'll try to read, meditate, organize..

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Roll Call 195

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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Sep 25, 2022 at 08:47 AM #624 I've never minded doing laundry. But I feel the same way as you about dishes, showering, and brushing my teeth. I have a really hard time getting into the shower, but once I'm in I do enjoy it.
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,741 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Sep 25, 2022 at 06:12 PM #628 Someone on a game forum I'm on requested a Pikachu drawing from me so I'm going to start working on that __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,741 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Sep 25, 2022 at 06:22 PM #629 Having really severe anxiety tonight. Had to take some of my klonopin because it keeps getting worse Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Sep 25, 2022 at 07:07 PM #632 The autistic person I talk to.. I think he might be one of the smartest people in the world. What was this post going to be about? I forget.. But like.. Ah **** it..
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Sep 25, 2022 at 07:22 PM #633 Every time I watch the news, my problems are completely insignificant - How could that possibly be any worse lol?
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Sep 25, 2022 at 07:25 PM #634 I should read "Brave New World" - Is that a good idea...
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,741 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Sep 26, 2022 at 07:29 AM #636 Here’s a link to it My art thread __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,409 (SuperPoster!) 10 22.8k hugs given	Sep 26, 2022 at 11:18 AM #637 Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs!
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Sep 26, 2022 at 01:33 PM #638 Pretty SP! __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,986 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Sep 26, 2022 at 02:31 PM #640 Yesterday was hell. I drained all of my happy chems. Today = Good day though. No alcohol or anything - I'll try to read, meditate, organize..
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