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WastingAsparagus
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Default Aug 10, 2022 at 07:30 PM
  #1
Have at it!

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Default Aug 10, 2022 at 08:31 PM
  #2
I got levodopa at the healthfood store

Common and Rare Side Effects for L-Dopa oral

The side effects are so bad that I might take it back.

I have a chair that arrived so I assembled it, moved my bed and stuff around. Now I'm sitting here, paranoid about people seeing through my window.

I smoked weed 3 times yesterday and I cried with my mom - Although I wasn't sure if I should cry, laugh or get angry/apathetic or anxious. She said "See it's the weed" - But this isn't the first time this happened. I wasn't able to make eye contact and was wringing my hands, shaking. I took clonazepam, woke up still feeling agitated.

I think about what happened in isolation/the basement and I feel like it DEFINES me. It probably does. I can't shake the feeling and I can't stop thinking about this regret so much that I want to kms - And I told her. She seriously asked me if I needed to get help (Go to the psych ward) and I said NO. All of the healthcare workers are exhausted and psychiatrists are assholes. They'd take away the stimulant (As usual), give it back and change meds etc, put me on an SSRI. Lord help me.

But this morning I felt better, took the Vyvanse (Which I skipped yesterday - Felt a lack of dopamine-weirdness/pain). I took phenibut. Slight self medicating will work for now.

I'm stunned by everything moved around - All of my interests that I procrastinate... the video chat people/sociopath soldiers and what they said. My self-esteem is at a complete low.
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Default Aug 10, 2022 at 08:55 PM
  #3
Idk if I'm even serious or not.

Edit: I shut the blinds. It'll do for tonight.
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Default Aug 10, 2022 at 09:27 PM
  #4
But I feel good, calm.. Lol. Ignore me.
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Default Aug 10, 2022 at 10:04 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
I got levodopa at the healthfood store

Common and Rare Side Effects for L-Dopa oral

The side effects are so bad that I might take it back.

I have a chair that arrived so I assembled it, moved my bed and stuff around. Now I'm sitting here, paranoid about people seeing through my window.

I smoked weed 3 times yesterday and I cried with my mom - Although I wasn't sure if I should cry, laugh or get angry/apathetic or anxious. She said "See it's the weed" - But this isn't the first time this happened. I wasn't able to make eye contact and was wringing my hands, shaking. I took clonazepam, woke up still feeling agitated.

I think about what happened in isolation/the basement and I feel like it DEFINES me. It probably does. I can't shake the feeling and I can't stop thinking about this regret so much that I want to kms - And I told her. She seriously asked me if I needed to get help (Go to the psych ward) and I said NO. All of the healthcare workers are exhausted and psychiatrists are assholes. They'd take away the stimulant (As usual), give it back and change meds etc, put me on an SSRI. Lord help me.

But this morning I felt better, took the Vyvanse (Which I skipped yesterday - Felt a lack of dopamine-weirdness/pain). I took phenibut. Slight self medicating will work for now.

I'm stunned by everything moved around - All of my interests that I procrastinate... the video chat people/sociopath soldiers and what they said. My self-esteem is at a complete low.
I thought levodopa was a prescription-only medication? Maybe not.

This might strike you as an off-kilter question - but have you considered going off of the stimulant? Or perhaps you could switch to modafinil or something more mild? I am on modafinil and it helps me a lot. I don't really get tired. (Except when I should get tired).

Postscript: I don't know how stimulants work.

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Default Aug 10, 2022 at 10:24 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus View Post
I thought levodopa was a prescription-only medication? Maybe not.

This might strike you as an off-kilter question - but have you considered going off of the stimulant? Or perhaps you could switch to modafinil or something more mild? I am on modafinil and it helps me a lot. I don't really get tired. (Except when I should get tired).

Postscript: I don't know how stimulants work.
Edit: Nvm just a little BPD on my end

Last edited by Desoxyn; Aug 10, 2022 at 11:35 PM..
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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 06:46 AM
  #7
I see my doctor today! Half day at work. Then tomorrow I see the gastro doctor and see how that’s going. I have the day off tomorrow. So I get an extra long weekend with some appointments inbetween.

I don’t know what else to do with my time. I thought maybe I could go back to doing university courses but I’m waiting to see what the government says about the university because there’s a fight they’re threatening to pull funding. No pointing registering for classes if they lose funding and go bankrupt.

I feel my motivation lacking. I have worked out a bit lately but it’s hard to get motivation. Hard to get motivation to brush my teeth or shower. Idk. I think I need an SSRI or something to help perk me up. Idk. I’ll talk to my doctor today.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 07:48 AM
  #8
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I see my doctor today! Half day at work. Then tomorrow I see the gastro doctor and see how that’s going. I have the day off tomorrow. So I get an extra long weekend with some appointments inbetween.

I don’t know what else to do with my time. I thought maybe I could go back to doing university courses but I’m waiting to see what the government says about the university because there’s a fight they’re threatening to pull funding. No pointing registering for classes if they lose funding and go bankrupt.

I feel my motivation lacking. I have worked out a bit lately but it’s hard to get motivation. Hard to get motivation to brush my teeth or shower. Idk. I think I need an SSRI or something to help perk me up. Idk. I’ll talk to my doctor today.

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Hope you enjoy your long weekend, and that you're able to take classes again. Hopefully your doctor has an idea of something to help you with with motivation

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 07:56 AM
  #9
Good morning, Mustachio harassed me into getting up at 7am. She kept meowing and biting me (gently lol ) and licking my nose, so I finally got up and just gave them their breakfast. I think even Maybelle was on the bed bothering me at some point in the morning which she usually doesn't do, she normally just stares at me at a distance, I am unsure because I was really tired but I do think I saw her get up on the bed and meow at me.

It's going on 9am now. I'm going to the library in about an hour to print out some documents I need.

Have been having some olfactory hallucinations (smelling things that aren't actually there)

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 08:01 AM
  #10
It's my nephews birthday today. He's in prison right now, has been for the past 5 years (drug related). I miss him, he should be getting out soon. He turns 28, same age as I am. May be weird but yeah my mom had me when she was older (39),she had my sister when she was around 18 years old. So there's a big age difference, my sister is in her late 40's, and I'm 28. Which is why I have a nephew the same age as me

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 08:14 AM
  #11
Plan on doing some cleaning today

Sweep/mop
Vacuum whole apartment
Clean bathroom
Organize all my paperwork into different folders
Change/clean the litterbox

Saturday I'm going to my friend's house to hang out for awhile. Sunday I'm going to try to go to church for the first time in over 3 years. Next week I have 2 dentist appointments, grocery shopping, and some events in the building to go to (coffee and tea social day)

Then on the 22nd I start volunteering! Very excited.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 10:08 AM
  #12
I feel pretty crappy still. I don't know if it is depression or what. Bleh.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 11:44 AM
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I feel pretty crappy still. I don't know if it is depression or what. Bleh.
What was helping you most IP?

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 12:52 PM
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I am just monitoring my email today. I mean that's really all I have to do. I get obsessive about checking email and other notifications and stuff.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 12:54 PM
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Also meditating with a candle is really nice. It helps me focus.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 03:09 PM
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What was helping you most IP?
I'm not sure. I guess I just forced myself to not worry about stuff happening outside of the hospital--work, whatever. Just focus on that stuff.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 03:24 PM
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My Pdoc probably hates me. I've been pestering him too much, last week for the hospitalization, this week for medication changes, a couple of months ago because my GP was freaking out. UGH.

The hospital took me off one of my anti-depressants and two of my anti-psychotics and raised the dose by triple of the third anti-psychotic. I think the anti-psychotics are fine, not that I am not having hallucinations because I am, and I am also having dizziness and stuff which I figure is from the A/P. But I think I need the A/D back. So I messaged my pdoc through the portal and asked him if I could restart the A/D that the hospital took me off of. I am waiting for a response. He probably hates me right now. I can't handle this depression. It's too much.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 03:26 PM
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I talked with a crisis line during my lunch break. She didn't really have any useful suggestions but it was sort of nice just to be able to talk about my thoughts in a non-judgmental platform. Kind of took the edge off of things.

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 04:13 PM
  #19
I want some chocolate. MMM

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Default Aug 11, 2022 at 04:22 PM
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My Pdoc probably hates me. I've been pestering him too much, last week for the hospitalization, this week for medication changes, a couple of months ago because my GP was freaking out. UGH.

The hospital took me off one of my anti-depressants and two of my anti-psychotics and raised the dose by triple of the third anti-psychotic. I think the anti-psychotics are fine, not that I am not having hallucinations because I am, and I am also having dizziness and stuff which I figure is from the A/P. But I think I need the A/D back. So I messaged my pdoc through the portal and asked him if I could restart the A/D that the hospital took me off of. I am waiting for a response. He probably hates me right now. I can't handle this depression. It's too much.
I'm sorry, and I am sure your pdoc does not hate you.

I struggle with similar feelings that I am pestering my pdoc.

However, it's their job to help you. I have called my pdoc three times this week if it makes you feel any better.

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