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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 08:39 PM
  #581
My sister said she’ll help me with finding a place to volunteer at or work part-time at that’s low stress, so hopefully after the holidays we can find something

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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 09:49 PM
  #582
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I don't know what to focus on though. I'll figure it out... o.o
I focused on many things... I am exhausted. The spirit realm.. And morals - How they relate to the world and self reflection..

Sometimes I just want to jump off a cliff. But I have to keep going.

And... I hope I'm on the right path (I think I am) - But my god it's all just too much. It's so predictable (Everything, all patterns).. Like I might as well just be in an animation or movie.

Everything is constant argument.. and misunderstanding.. What do I want? Idk.. Just peace (At night) and excitement (When I wake up). I've NEVER had depersonalization/derealization in the morning - That's when I feel invincible/strong minded (When I'm not tired and foggy brained from sleep inertia..) - I usually FEEL better, at night though.

I do look now, for medium/long term things.. Or how to deal with the afterlife (It's just a string in a glass bowl - The parts where it connects to itself are death points) - Some short term indulgences are okay.... But I got to keep my head balanced, focus on the future (Mostly).

I know too much...
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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 10:13 PM
  #583
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WastingAsparagus; have you read anything by Thich Nhat Hanh

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Yeah I have. "The Miracle of Mindfulness" is good.

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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 10:15 PM
  #584
This is not going well with the medicine. I need to tell my doctor to quit fiddling with things. The way things are going is fine, and I don't need to switch to some other medicine. I know that Zyprexa and Abilify work for me. So why change it? Sorry, I'm not angry with anyone here, just need to vent.

And I feel like talking to my parents about it is just an echo chamber.

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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 10:21 PM
  #585
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This is not going well with the medicine. I need to tell my doctor to quit fiddling with things. The way things are going is fine, and I don't need to switch to some other medicine. I know that Zyprexa and Abilify work for me. So why change it? Sorry, I'm not angry with anyone here, just need to vent.

And I feel like talking to my parents about it is just an echo chamber.
How long have you given it? Generally med adjustment require two difficult weeks….

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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 10:40 PM
  #586
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How long have you given it? Generally med adjustment require two difficult weeks….
A few days... But I feel like something is lost whenever I go off of Abilify or Zyprexa, so I have experience of doing this before.

I haven't even started the new med yet (Latuda). I just feel like my pdoc gets me to agree to these schemes on really short notice, and I don't like how that goes.

It just seems like my pdoc and I make these knee-jerk reactions that do not end up serving me in the long run. I think I can just manage my weight and my appetite in other ways, such as exercising a lot. I mean, it's just too difficult when I go down on any of the medicines I currently take, because my symptoms return and my depression starts again, and then I'm back at sqaure one basically. It sucks.

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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 10:56 PM
  #587
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A few days... But I feel like something is lost whenever I go off of Abilify or Zyprexa, so I have experience of doing this before.

I haven't even started the new med yet (Latuda). I just feel like my pdoc gets me to agree to these schemes on really short notice, and I don't like how that goes.

It just seems like my pdoc and I make these knee-jerk reactions that do not end up serving me in the long run. I think I can just manage my weight and my appetite in other ways, such as exercising a lot. I mean, it's just too difficult when I go down on any of the medicines I currently take, because my symptoms return and my depression starts again, and then I'm back at sqaure one basically. It sucks.
You could be having withdrawal from the olanzepine (It's similar to benzo withdrawal but less severe) - Especially from a whole 15mg.
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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 12:18 AM
  #588
I've been meditating a little bit more recently. I write down every med/chemical/nootropic/supplement that I take - I just write down in this way;

1st[]2nd[]3rd[]4th[]5th[]6th[]7th[]8th[]9th[]10th[]11th[]12th[]13th[]14th[]
15th[]16th[]17th[]18th[]19th[]20th[]21st[]22nd[]23rd[]24th[]25th[]26th[]
27th[]28th[]29th[]30th[]

... And then fill it in (But it's a full page of just copying and pasting it once every month and filling it in once every day).

I'm gonna add from the "list of healthy things", "Meditation, reading, podcasts, fasting and exercise" - And just take note of "if" and "how much" I do these every day.

Then, after vacation - I'll try and set some realistic goals... Now is just a time where I feel like I'm just in "No mans land" of my life.

I already sleep 10+ hours every night... So I don't have to worry about that at all...
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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 06:22 AM
  #589
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How long have you given it? Generally med adjustment require two difficult weeks….
On second thought, I think I am going to try it again (it meaning the Latuda).

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 07:37 AM
  #590
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My sister said she’ll help me with finding a place to volunteer at or work part-time at that’s low stress, so hopefully after the holidays we can find something

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I feel like it's super difficult right now for everyone trying to find jobs and/or volunteer positions. At least in my own case, it has been super hard to commit to anything. Kudos to you for trying to find something; it's really not easy.

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 10:30 AM
  #591
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I feel like it's super difficult right now for everyone trying to find jobs and/or volunteer positions. At least in my own case, it has been super hard to commit to anything. Kudos to you for trying to find something; it's really not easy.

Thank you Same to you

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 10:31 AM
  #592
Have the food cooking in the crockpot , it will be finished around 3:45pm. It’s 10:30am now.

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 11:52 AM
  #593
headed to new orleans for a saints game, leaving in an hour or two, staying through monday. going with my dad and brother.

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 12:06 PM
  #594
Fresh bacon is cooked and set aside to crumble into the recipe later. Cooked the bacon in the oven. Was nervous about cooking but I managed to do it

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 01:23 PM
  #595
Ordered a turkey baster set

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 01:56 PM
  #596
I received a really nice random note under my door from the lady across the hall (the one who does the yoga class). It said she was happy to see me at the community meal and sorry that she missed talking with me, her neck hurt, she also wrote she hopes we can talk more next time, and hopes I’m having a lovely weekend

Like right before I got the note I was sitting in my living room thinking about how much I hated myself and wished I wasn’t alive, so it was a very nice surprise

I rang her doorbell and told her thank you because I was having a bad day and it cheered me up

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 03:29 PM
  #597
Today isn't as good as yesterday but still good.
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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 04:42 PM
  #598
The food came out delicious. I had some of it on a sesame bun. Dishes are done, now I’m relaxing in the living room with the cats with the Christmas tree on.

I got a new cookbook so I’m looking through that now , trying to get ideas for Christmas and New Year’s Eve

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 04:47 PM
  #599
Sorry about all the posts about food lately. I’ve finally gotten the motivation to cook after almost a year of not cooking pretty much most of the time. And I’m excited about getting over my anxiety about cooking and eating. I actually enjoy cooking and baking, making things, when I’m able to get over my anxiety and do it that is.

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Default Nov 19, 2022 at 05:08 PM
  #600
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Sorry about all the posts about food lately. I’ve finally gotten the motivation to cook after almost a year of not cooking pretty much most of the time. And I’m excited about getting over my anxiety about cooking and eating. I actually enjoy cooking and baking, making things, when I’m able to get over my anxiety and do it that is.

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I just put in a grocery order to make a curried pumpkin soup…..

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