Roll Call 196

I don't know what to do with life today =/

I can't plan.. I need to plan..... Just existential

In kind of a dark mood today. I want off of the Klonopin.

I watched this show on Netflix with my mom;

'Take Your Pills: Xanax' - On Netflix - An Informative Documentary - Martin Cid Magazine

It was good, informative. I already knew.. My mom was anxious watching it (Has taken 1mg of Ativan every night for 5+ years), I said not to worry.. To prepare herself for getting off - But it's so short acting that slight withdrawal happens during the day, like a stimulant - To be awake.

She said that if she takes it too early, she'll be up at 3am, tossing and turning. Or if missed a dose, same thing.

Too much benzos can cause dementia (Because less of the brain is being used over time from decreased receptor activity).

Then things about Lil Xan, taking 24mg Xanax a day, glorifying drugs (Young generation - I'm guilty of that too), people ordering on Snapchat, fentanyl laced, whole thing in this dystopia. But balance is key.

So 2 weeks - 1 month, Valium can be used.. But benzos are to be used as tools until coping mechanisms are gained, during stressful life situations or PRN (To feel safe, carrying them around just in case), etc.

SP! Benzo withdrawal can cause psychosis.. You have a point

I hate Klonopin honestly. I really would like to get off of it.

It is difficult.. Don't give up. It can be done.. How much are you on? 2mg?

In the hospital (At one point), I was on 0.5mg 3x a day - But not long enough to get withdrawal... Unless they gave me antipsychotics for it..

Cuz I was always "agitated" and kept asking for olanzepine (Sublingual 5mg) - So I'd take that + 12mg of Invega, Abilify and 50mg of Seroquel 4x a day.

Olanzepine and Seroquel are 'kind of' benzos.. Higher olanzepine dose could allow you to get off more easily (Not medical advice).

If it is 2mg (For a while) - It's not good. Would take a while to get off. I don't mean to talk lightly about it.. I remember hearing about people "taking pieces of a benzo pill off, every few weeks" - Or titrating using water "volumetric dosing".

It shouldn't be excruciating if done correctly, but difficult. If it's too much mental suffering, wait a while until you're ready again.. Hugs though Enjoy the least anxiety moments that you have RN.

Ashton Manual - Benzodiazepine Information Coalition

Not feeling great tonight. Extremely anxious to the point of being paranoid and also dissociating.

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And I feel like crying all at the same time.

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Hugs BB.. That's the worst mental state to be in (I've been there).. Sounds like the time to take a PRN benzo (If you think it will last a long time).

You've mentioned really vulnerable stuff, and have been honest AF recently - So it can run in your subconscious for a while. We're all proud of you! Time to distract/enjoy something for now I guess, or rest.. Process..

Thank you Desoxyn, you’re always so supportive, I really appreciate it. yeah I might end up taking a klonopin then go to sleep, it’s been 38 days since taking one so it’s probably fine to take one now. I also didn’t sleep well the past two nights so that’s not helping things

I just got a new pair of gaming headphones so might play a game or watch something for a bit before I go to sleep

The cats got their new scratching post so I put that together for them

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Good morning, I took the klonopin last night. It helped my anxiety and I slept really good, slept from 9:53pm to 6:12am according to my Fitbit. I did a meditation from Deepak Chopra before bed, he has some meditations on the Fitbit premium mindfulness app.

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The cats are happy with their new toys and their scratching post

Did some cleaning today, took a shower, sat outside for awhile in the cold. It's 30 degrees so not super bad, it kind of feels refreshing. After 15 minutes of sitting there though I was too cold and had to come inside. I forgot to bring gloves too so my hands were freezing. And I was wearing leggings so definitely not the warmest pants. I just want to get out of my apartment more because I've been inside too much recently due to some reoccurring semi agoraphobic tendencies.

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I am not liking this Latuda stuff. It is not going well at all. I want to increase my olanzapine back up to 15 mg and my Abilify back up to 30 mg.

Eh on the same vein, I am only on 40 mg of Latuda, which isn't much.

I heard the max dose is 80 mg, but you can go up to 160 mg if necessary.

I’m on 120mg and it works great for me.

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Went grocery shopping today.

My grandmother from my fathers side (he left when I was 2 months old and I didn’t meet him , only once when I was 22 I met him. And I never met my grandmother or any others of them in person. Anyway I have that side of my family on Facebook. My grandmother wants me to call her today so we can talk some so I agreed to call her today at 12:30pm. It’s gonna feel awkward to be honest because I don’t really know her other than from Facebook over the years and that was just her liking and commenting occasionally on my posts. She’s 74 now. She randomly sent me a Christmas card which I got the other day. I’m a little nervous about talking to her. I don’t like talking on the phone in general especially with people I don’t usually talk to. It makes me nervous. But I agreed to call her so I will be doing that in a few minutes from now. She called and left a message yesterday and it caught me off guard so I texted and asked her if we could talk today instead because I wasn’t expecting her to call and didn’t feel up to it yesterday.

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Well it was.....interesting. She pretty much talked the whole 10 minutes non stop. And randomly threw in a comment about how she hates Biden how he is turning America into Russia. It was a very odd phone call, but it's over with

Dealing with lots of sadness....BUT we have four of my sister's kids for the next 5 days. The oldest one is working so he didn't come. I will only see them in the afternoons and evening because I am working but still.

Although my niece threw up in the middle of the night. Great. So I am hoping we don't all get sick. But it was just once. So IDK.

Had my first meeting for my Peru trip. I had to fill out an application and stuff like that. Kinda crazy. What if they don't accept me?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Well it was.....interesting. She pretty much talked the whole 10 minutes non stop. And randomly threw in a comment about how she hates Biden how he is turning America into Russia. It was a very odd phone call, but it's over with

Thanks for the update! I was totally wondering how it went. Sounds like if she calls you won't have to think too much about what to say. Just a lot of "yeah, um-hm and wow. " I guess sometimes it works out great when all somebody wants to do is talk about themselves.