Roll Call 196

Nothing makes me feel better or gives any relief for even a short amount of time, past year or more.

I guess I'm just an impulsive person. Oh well.

I agree with this statement for my own case...

Hugs to you both, I hope you find what you’re looking for….

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Thanks, SP, you're always so supportive.

I'm impulsive too but it's gotten a LOT better since being on abilify. I used to be extremely reckless and do stupid dangerous things. I still get urges to do things like that sometimes but I'm typically able to stop myself, before I wasn't. Overdosing, getting high on cough syrup till I blacked out, reckless sex, overspending, drinking, putting myself in questionable situations etc

If 30mg of abilify isn't helping you you could consider asking your doctor for a different med. Have you tried any of the first gen APs like trilafon or thorazine, haldol, etc. They also have less of a chance of gaining weight. I was on trilafon and it helped my paranoia a lot but abilify was better for my overall stability, along with the thorazine, trileptal, and Zoloft I take. It took a lot of med changes and adjustments to get where I'm at now and I think it could be maybe you haven't found the right med or combo yet? It's hard but I hope you find something that helps, not every medication works well for every person, abilify helps me but it may not be helpful for you

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Everything is too hard for me to do. : depression_help

Psytrance music is making me feel a little better at least

I'm listening to music too right now. While drinking coffee and have my wax warmer on with pumpkin patch scented wax melting , and the lights dim. It's nice

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I feel euphoria when I listen to music like this

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I got 2 1/2 bag of pumpkin spice frappe mix, I don't know why, I just feel like it will last me all throughout the holidays, halloween, thanksgiving, christmas, new years, etc It's always a good time for a pumpkin spice frappe or latte

Sorry edited to add I was mistaken, it is actually 3 1/2 POUNDS

So I'm thinking about teching myself to bake and decorate things like cakes, cookies, pastries, etc and try to get a part time job at the grocery store's bakery department decorating cakes

getting Christmas and autumn themed cookie cutters in a couple weeks, and am going to learn how to decorate cookies, will take a lot of practice I'm sure but I can keep trying, I enjoy baking

Impulsively decided to book a hot stone massage on Saturday. I have to use up my $15 coupon before the end of the month anyway. I haven’t had a massage in a couple years.

I guess there are worse impulsive things to do haha.

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I did a hot stone massage and enjoyed it. The muscles in my neck and upper back are always tight.

I watched "Trip to Infinity" on Netflix. Was pretty great.

My mind is now at peace forever.. and ever..

But I guess I have to do the right stuff to have Nirvana =p I could wait until I have the free will.. Or have it now.. Decide. But it could not be the right time - And how do I know?

How do I know..

Abilify helps my depression significantly. I wish there were a different med that would just help with everything lol, but I guess that doesn't exist. I think I need to just be more accepting that not every med is perfect.

What was it about?

Got a subscription to Audible. Listening to a book now.

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Did 30 minutes on the treadmill today

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I haven’t renewed my Spotify premium for music so I’m listening to my favorite artist at work because I have all their music on my phone and I just feel there are secret messages in the music and I have this urge to go off my meds to hear them better.

Sigh.

Also my ED is stopping me from joining in a company breakfast and socializing with coworkers. It’s dumb. It’s all dumb.

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Does your Library have hoopla, it’s great for audiobooks.

Hey friends. Not sure how I am feeling. Just bleh. Hugs all around

Hugs SK

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Yesterday I started to have a therapy session with my therapist. About 20 minutes in, her brother, who lives with her, interrupted and told my therapist something. I guess my therapist's daughter had fallen a few days before and had broken her elbow and hurt her knee. But she was also getting nosebleeds. She decided to go back to the ER. I guess she has a fractured skull and internal bleeding and blood in her ear. So it is good she went back. But anyway the brother was telling my T that her daughter was going to the ER. So then my T couldn't concentrate. She said she needed to end the session. Then she said she could continue. Then she said we could talk later (no because I go to bed early). Then she said she would end the session and not charge my insurance. So we had like a 20 minute session.

I feel bad for the daughter and I know my T and I were talking about some pretty deep serious stuff because I relapsed yesterday. She said we could reschedule for later in the week but IDK. I kind of feel disappointed or something. I understand she needed to be there for her daughter. However, I think if we had been in a traditional office, that interruption would not have taken place. And she wouldn't have known until after our session. So I am a bit let down. And I don't know what to do next. And we didn't even get to the psychosis symptoms. Ah. C'est La Vie.

Well I can’t focus for **** so I’m taking a half day off work. Finishing up what I can and calling it a day at lunch. I feel restless and bored and unfocused.

Being off the lithium and slowly tapering on to lamotrigine I believe is to blame.

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