Roll Call 198

Blue_Bird

This is the app I’m referring to

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__________________

My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Desoxyn

Looks good! If it's useful (For what you need to do) - That's good.. I'm really confused, and would like to have less "systematic chaos" - And more clear organization... And for it to be fun to do as well =]

I've been asking "ChatGPT" (My therapist) a lot of questions.. I'm not used to being this clear minded, focused, motivated etc... Improvement happens every day, just got to get used to it..

And the way people make use of things, create etc.. That no one is the same/are unique and not one thing works for every person - So I just need to alter any systems according to what I need..

There's just a lot of time I've wasted (Lately, it's been on the news/corruption, social media FOMO stuff - Which is what I needed.... I trusted that intuition..). Just way too many things, exploring I've done. And I think I get the message..

I remember being in the "Independent living unit" in the psych ward.. and I couldn't make goals (It was impossible) - I was just too young and inexperienced, isolated. I'm trying my best not to isolate myself from everyone - And..

.. In the past, I was a real hedonic.. The memories I have - Underneath, was despair, but funny.. I don't want to just think that I'm fine right now (Cuz negative thoughts could happen at any time - I'm really sensitive to them) + Paranoia, OCD etc.. But as long as I'm in the present, and to know that I'm okay (And can take on all of the doubt, uncertainty, shock, etc), things will be fine... Idk. I'll figure it out.

My dad really helps and supports me (+ The rest of my family) - I'm just bothered by a lot of things that need to be solved. I know I'm kind of all over the place, been criticized by those video chat people (While in DPDR) - And so much information.. I'll just try, my best.. No suicidal thoughts (Like last night or the night before) - The main thing I'm going to try and do is meditation, learning about spiritual things..

Desoxyn

Like for example;



All I needed was this... It's not difficult, Idk why people found it so hard to understand what I was asking for..

And I want to keep myself in tune with;
13 Approval seeking behaviours you need to stop - liveyourtruestory.com

The way I've been interacting with people, it seemed all fine (But people in high school - I think they really judged me. And all they cared about was whether I was gay or not - Even though being severely depressed with AvPD, and eventually psychosis). If only I talked to people instead of being so "quiet", although I didn't even want to be there.

I was so stressed out (From so much homework in Ireland, learning 3 different languages etc), and moved to the middle of no where, where no one cared what I did.. I was given the permission to go completely nuts..

But w/e, I'll stop talking for now..

Blue_Bird

I think you're doing a great job with continuing to make goals for yourself. Meditation is really helpful. I read somewhere that usually you notice the most benefits 8 weeks of daily practice. But obviously there's immediate benefits from it too, I've kind of slacked off on it recently but will get back to it. It's great to help with focus too.

I hope you're able to find a good app, the one I use is pretty simplistic but it has helped me. There are a lot of good apps out there though

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__________________

My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Blue_Bird

You don't have to stop talking if you feel like posting. I'm always here to listen and give support when Im able to. As for the video chat people that is very traumatizing. When I was 13 years old I was on a forum and people could anonymously leave private messages. Someone kept sending me messages harassing me literally telling me to kill myself, to commit suicide, over and over. I ended up attempting suicide at 14. That wasn't the only reason, I was already struggling mentally and with my environment. But I told the mods and they did nothing about it. It really hurt a lot. Some people are just cruel and I'm sorry you had to deal with that

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__________________

My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Blue_Bird

But anyway, I think creating goals is great. It's always good to have something to strive for in various areas of our lives, just take your time and you will get there

Also it's completely okay to not have goals for awhile as well, if you need a break or are content/happy with things in your life

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__________________

My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Desoxyn

I'm so sorry BB.. That happened to me as well. I went onto a depression chat, and the owner (Out of all people) would leave a message (Every time I entered), "Gay and autistic - Kill yourself" (In all caps), and I kept going in (Because I thought that it wouldn't bother me - And that I was stronger than that), but it happened like 100 times - To the point of it being disturbing. I was 16.. Around that time, I attempted too.

But thx for the supportive words ^-

Desoxyn

That's good advice.. I needed to hear that.. thanks..

cogladaid

I feel like I ate too much. But I know it’s not bad. Ugh I’m just so torn in my mind.

I ate some meatballs with marinara, then a bowl of taco dip with chips.

I feel so full and I hate it.

I ate a burger and 1/2 a bowl of sweet potato fries last night.

Now this. I still have to eat dinner.

I just don’t know.

Edit:

Posted from somewhere else I was posting in:

Like again it’s not even about losing weight anymore. I haven’t lost weight lately. I’m stuck. And I just don’t want to eat and then I eat and I hate it and then I try to convince myself it’s okay because my doctor and family would be happy that I ate. Then I eat one meal a day next thing you know.

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Blue_Bird

The prior authorization for my crown replacement was approved. The one being redone is 7 years old and according to my dentist needs to be replaced/ recemented. They called me and left a voicemail telling me to schedule an appointment since it was approved, so I called and left a message saying I was ready to set up an appointment. Now I'm waiting on them to call back.

Also got a foodstamp recertification thing I had to fill out. I still qualify but it still makes me nervous, I have a phone interview with them on the 23rd of March. Have to mail out the recertification paperwork filled out back to them first.

__________________

My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Sometimes psychotic

I just read an article about such a website that specifically targets people with disabilities in that way….there are some dark places out there

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Hugs!

Desoxyn

What is even wrong with me? Depression?

I thought I had/was diagnosed with OCD, and then told I have/was diagnosed with schizophrenia...

But I have a low mood disorder.. and have been hypomanic. I have trauma. And dissociation from drugs. I respond well to stimulants.

I'm very aloof IRL.

Anyways, I hope you're all having a good day =]

cogladaid

Ive been okay today. Had a massage. Had Starbucks. Did a bit of grocery shopping. Ate some meatballs and spaghetti for lunch. I’m making a lamb and goat curry for dinner.

Going to see the new Ant Man movie tomorrow with my sister. Going to have a Coke Zero and popcorn with it. Then go home and I’ll make Korean tofu stew.

I have next week all planned for meals. I’m enjoying cooking and meal planning.

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WastingAsparagus

Hey everyone sorry for the hiatus. I am doing fine. Just realizing that Abilify is not for me. So I am going to stop taking it and revert back to the meds my U.S. psychiatrist had me on. Anyway, it's not like I'm not following a pdoc's advice, just reverting back to what my doc in the U.S. wanted me on anyway. So that's that. Anyway. I need some support around that. It's been really hard lately (stress). (Stress) is destroying me it feels.

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"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

WastingAsparagus

You've got this Desoxyn!

__________________
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

WastingAsparagus

Got to figure out what to eat for dinner tonight. Ugh. Eating has been a struggle for me lately. Just figuring it out is exhausting. I sometimes just have oatmeal or yogurt for dinner.

__________________
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

WastingAsparagus

Also I've been socializing or trying to do so a lot lately and I am just utterly exhausted.

__________________
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

WastingAsparagus

The only thing I really look forward to right now is a cup of black coffee that I'll make myself tonight. I don't know why it seems so exciting. Maybe just to get rid of some of the anhedonia?

__________________
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

WastingAsparagus

Sorry for the excess of posts, but I also was going to do this mindfulness diploma thing at my university down here. Turns out the director wanted to talk to my psychiatrist to make sure I was like fit to do it, you know? I still haven't heard from the director even though we talked like two weeks ago. It is just silly, I feel like giving up on the whole thing. They're literally making me feel worse about myself by acting like I wouldn't be able to handle it.

__________________
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

Sometimes psychotic

Hug’s WA….meds are rough but staying on a particular med that works is for the best.

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Hugs!