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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 11:13 AM
  #501
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Police raid in the apartment below me, they set off smoke bombs which set off the fire alarm so we all had to come downstairs now around 6am and wait while the police took care of things

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Wow, that sounds scary! Are you alright? How are you feeling?

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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 11:36 AM
  #502
Saw the doctor this morning. Told him I was feeling better with like my mood and eating. That I went back on the lamotrigine after I saw the allergist a couple weeks ago.

I told him I felt like I was wasting everyone’s time with this rash thing. But he saw that my blood test showed an immune response.

So he’s going to run some more testing. Says it could be a false positive but there’s a chance I might have drug-induced lupus from the lamotrigine. Which really isn’t something I wanted to hear (I laughed like Jesus this is just what I need right now).

I do another blood test in like two weeks and then I see my doctor again the next week for the results. I told my doctor I wouldn’t worry so much about it right now but he knows me I have to Google everything.

I tell my mother stuff about my medical but I’m not telling her until we know anything from the other tests because I know she will really worry.

Anyway, I see the psychiatrist on Wednesday.

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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 11:58 AM
  #503
Oh Wow! cogladaid! That sounds scary! I hope that it turns out not to be that. I would worry too though and Google! Talk here if it helps. We care! HUGS Kit

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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 01:04 PM
  #504
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Wow, that sounds scary! Are you alright? How are you feeling?
Im okay, I'm glad they were able to do it because the drug activity in the building has been a lot and it felt like an unsafe environment with all these people coming in and out of his apartment all hours of the day. And all the yelling and screaming every day and night

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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 01:05 PM
  #505
Hope things will be okay cogladaid

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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 01:14 PM
  #506
Thanks guys!

After some googling it seems that when it’s drug-induced lupus it usually goes away within days or weeks of stopping the medication. So while it’s a bit worrisome it’s not permanent or the end of the world.

It just sucks thinking if I do have it then I have to get off of lamotrigine and go on something else. I hate med changes. I’ve been good on the combo right now.

Anyway trying not to worry too much about it.

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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 05:07 PM
  #507
Those butter chicken meatballs with basmati rice were amazing

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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 05:39 PM
  #508
At this point
I am bored. And not sure what to do.. but meditate
And use psilocybin with blindfolds on
But just as I wait for all these nights to come, revolving
the planet spinning, flung through this pure darkness
It can be scary..
But as I would sit in silence, or listen to music - In the distance, coming towards me
Let my mind be one with this fractal universe
As I am a pattern that knows nothing, and has everything
I remember being in the mental hospital..
A note was written on the chair in front of me..
I was frustrated that I had to wait 3 days in that boring hell
To see a psychiatrist
But now it's okay..
There there. Quiet,
I wish silence to come to this once, non-spontaneous, analytical mind,
that has become..
Infinite
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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 05:56 PM
  #509
Sorry guys, I was just trying to write an update - And it turned into that. It happens sometimes..
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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 06:04 PM
  #510
But I'm happy that pregabalin seems to work well for mood. My brother will come visit today, so all 3 of us siblings will hang out =] Last time we were together, was in Mexico (In December). So am just chill rn, doing random things. I'll make goals and have existential crises later.
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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 09:01 PM
  #511
I googled drug induced lupus a lot and I’m left just pissed off honestly.

It wasn’t enough that I had a lymphoma scare that turned out to be sarcoidosis, a fatty liver, COVID, an anorexia relapse, a problem with lithium - had to have something else.

Finally I’m getting it together. Stable mood, overcoming anorexia relapse.

But noooo let’s give her a rare side effect so she has to stop taking this medication which was doing great.

I’m sorry I’m ranting I’m just mad at the universe. Can’t get a ****ing break.

But hey - I’m getting about $840 back on my tax return. I guess that’s the only good news I get.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 09:00 AM
  #512
I slept off my mood last night. Feeling better.

I did something I haven’t done in like over a year - I ate breakfast. Some strawberries, some blackberries, an sunny side up egg on a piece of toast (with salt, pepper, and ketchup).

It was delicious. I might have breakfast more often.

Ever since I started listening to my hunger cues more and recovering I’ve been so hungry.

I just need to balance what I eat. Good stuff. Protein and stuff.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 09:06 AM
  #513
I’m really stressed. If Foodstamps office doesn’t get back to me about rescheduling our appointment that was supposed to be on Thursday that I accidentally missed, and if we don’t have the appointment before the 1st of April my Foodstamps will get cut off. I left a message with them Thursday afternoon

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 10:34 AM
  #514
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Im okay, I'm glad they were able to do it because the drug activity in the building has been a lot and it felt like an unsafe environment with all these people coming in and out of his apartment all hours of the day. And all the yelling and screaming every day and night

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Hopefully he'll move. Hugs, Blue_Bird.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 05:10 PM
  #515
Dissociating

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 05:14 PM
  #516
I feel like I don’t do a good enough job keeping my apartment clean. I don’t know if I’m imagining that or not though.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 05:23 PM
  #517
Anyway, tomorrow morning I plan on going to church. Will be my first time going in person in 3-4 years. I’m mainly going to get out of my apartment and be in an uplifting environment and listen to an uplifting homily.

I don’t really know if I’ll ever go back to being fully practicing that faith because there are some things I disagree with. But I do enjoy the homilies. I just won’t go up and get communion.

I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong by doing that. That’s just what I want to do. I miss going and listening to something uplifting in person with people around. I’m alone so much of the time. It gets lonely.

Anyway, after that I’m going to my friends house and we’re gonna play some board games. dungeons and dragons.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 06:41 PM
  #518
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Anyway, tomorrow morning I plan on going to church. Will be my first time going in person in 3-4 years. I’m mainly going to get out of my apartment and be in an uplifting environment and listen to an uplifting homily.

I don’t really know if I’ll ever go back to being fully practicing that faith because there are some things I disagree with. But I do enjoy the homilies. I just won’t go up and get communion.

I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong by doing that. That’s just what I want to do. I miss going and listening to something uplifting in person with people around. I’m alone so much of the time. It gets lonely.

Anyway, after that I’m going to my friends house and we’re gonna play some board games. dungeons and dragons.

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Have fun at church!

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Default Mar 26, 2023 at 10:23 AM
  #519
This may sound dumb but I did something big today (big for me anyway) - I bought granola bars.

Legit been scared of granola bars and protein bars since my relapse. I know it makes no sense but alas.

Hopefully I can convince myself to eat one soon.

Oh and I got a different drink at Starbucks. A venti sugar free vanilla latte with almond milk. Still low calories but not as low as I usually get. I’m not even googling how many calories it is.

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Default Mar 26, 2023 at 10:29 AM
  #520
I missed church today because I overslept and it seems my friend overslept too because we were supposed to hang out today but they haven’t messaged back and that usually means they went to sleep

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