FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#1
I've been hallucinating almost 24/7 for anywhere in between 1,200 and 1,300 days. Visual, auditory, tactile, gustatory, olfactory, proprioceptive, thermoreceptive, chronoreceptive, and even command hallucinations. As I write this; I’m seeing apparitions and hearing voices commenting on what I’m writing about. Luckily, the hallucinations aren’t quite as intense so as to prevent me from perceiving and interacting with the real world.
The visual hallucinations became (somewhat) noticeable during waking hours sometime on and/or in between the months of July and November of 2019. The auditory verbal hallucinations became more frequent and intense sometime in September or October of that year. In between Halloween and Thanksgiving of 2019; I was most definitely experiencing both visual and auditory (sometimes tactile, gustatory, and olfactory) hallucinations every waking moment from the very moment I'd wake up to the moment I'd fall asleep. The apparitions very quickly began to appear in my dreams and nightmares and make references to them during daylight hours. The apparitions follow me around everywhere—even to an entirely different city over a hundred miles away. The apparitions have claimed to be: astral-projecting psychics, time travelers, ghosts, demons, extraterrestrials, deities, law enforcement and paramilitary personnel, federal government agents, psychologists, a neuropsychiatrist, a psychiatrist, a psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychotherapists, an aeronautical engineer (among the many labels that they've self-applied). Overall, however, the apparitions tend to collectively refer to themselves using a catch-all term, "thought-forms". By the late-2019 to mid-2020 period; I managed to count anywhere from something like 48 up to 147... at the very least (these are the ones who have shown/told me their "names" and/or faces). The thought-forms themselves have provided me with estimates as high as 10,000... 8,000,000, or even 16,000,000. They've been showing me
Possible trigger:
Last edited by bluekoi; Mar 04, 2023 at 12:33 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon and code. Administrative edit. |
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, HALLIEBETH87, mote.of.soul
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,422
(SuperPoster!)
11 22.8k hugs
given |
#2
Are you on antipsychotics…that’s the only relief I could have.
__________________ Hugs! |
Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear
|
Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
5 42.2k hugs
given |
#3
I suffer from auditory & tactile, but my visuals are like a movie in my mind. I wish so much that others who don't have these experiences would respect & believe us!
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
Fuzzybear
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,441
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.4k hugs
given |
#4
I wish too that others who do not have the exact same symptoms would respect and believe others who may not be exactly the same as them. It is frustrating and demeaning when Experts fail to comprehend. The shame belongs to the ''Expert'' who fails to comprehend, not to the ''patient'' experiencing the symptoms. imho.
__________________ |
Breaking Dawn
|
Breaking Dawn
|
Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
5 42.2k hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
|
Fuzzybear
|
Fuzzybear
|
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#6
Yes I was taking Abilify from December of 2017 to maybe up to around February, March, and/or April of 2019. Then again for 72 hours sometime in August of 2022 after getting involuntarily committed to a hospital.
|
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#7
Monday, the 22nd of May of 2023 @ 1:36 PM (PST); ≈1,237–1,422 days have passed since these hallucinations began; ≈1,237–1,329 days have passed since the hallucinations decided to remain 24/7.
It's come to my attention that certain sadistic people have the capability to remotely access total strangers' electronic devices (e.g. smart phones, smart TVs, video game consoles, etc.) to transmit hypnotic suggestion without the informed consent of the owners and thereby inducing the symptoms of various mental illnesses eventually resulting in full-blown psychosis. It's also come to my attention that this can also be done using Long Range Acoustic Devices. I suspect that certain type of software is distributed among scriptkiddies and other computer illiterate people meant to be uploaded, installed, and/or hidden unto total strangers' electronic devices purely for sadistic reasons on the part of the sort of people (e.g. internet trolls) who hijack others' electronics. I suppose that it's also possible to transmit hypnotic suggestion through people's electronics in a way that is so quiet that people can't consciously hear it. It's probably (mostly) done on people who sleep with electronics left powered on in the same room, but it appears to be possible to remotely switch on electronics... and transmit hypnotic suggestion from one room to another (e.g. from a "smart TV" in a living room into a bedroom). |
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#8
Anyway. Thought-forms continue even as I write this with the usual perverse things they've been doing using a visualization of a little boy. Unfortunately, the thought-forms want me to describe such experiences down to the smallest details--something that they've sometimes fought me over (using the little boy)... simply for not being detailed enough. Sometimes. Other times it's because I'm too detailed. They also blame me for these hallucinations for somehow being too detailed and simultaneously not detailed enough in regards to various life experiences with various mental health care providers over the years. This is something that the thought-forms now laugh at. Also unfortunately--being too detailed in regards to these hallucinations led to me being involuntarily committed to a hospital in August of 2022... and also led to me having one of my PsychForums accounts (OhItsThatGuyAgain) permanently banned a few days ago. It would be the second time I've been banned from those forums as I'd had a different account (Pseudoscientist) banned there sometime in 2017 or 2018. I also had a different account here at MySupportForums (I think it was called PsychCentral back then) throughout the 2017 to 2019 period (Metascientist) which I've since lost access to due to my losing my e-mail accounts.
The thought-forms have already gotten me permanently banned multiple times across several different forums, discussion boards, and other online communities over the course of a year or less (banned more frequently within a short timespan than any other point in my life that I've been using the internet for 24 or 25 years or so). Thought-forms continue to fight me aggressively even now that I've stopped consuming caffeine in roughly a week and my psychiatrist stopped prescribing Adderall to me nearly two months ago... thought-forms had initially suggested that Adderall and/or caffeine had been causing hallucinations (despite the fact I'd been taking Adderall since 2015 up until as recently as this year while the hallucinations only began shortly after my current psychiatrist decided to stop prescribing Abilify to me in 2019). |
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#9
Thought-forms continue using the little boy inappropriately. Forgot to add to my previous posts here that I find it difficult to describe much of this as I've already been warned by multiple moderators and administrators across several internet communities over these past few months about being so detailed in describing these hallucinations (both on the PsychForums and these forums). Unfortunately, I'm currently not allowed to post links so perhaps the easiest way I can describe this is by pointing out that (assuming you care enough to do this; I would completely understand if you chose not to--I also feel the need to warn readers about triggers especially in my PsychForums posts under the names "OhItsThatGuyAgain" and "Pseudoscientist") one can find my other posts in the PsychForums' "Online Journals" sub-forum and by using the PsychForums' advanced search engine.
|
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#10
Thought-forms have once again resumed using the little boy on the basis that (according to them) I was supposedly "blaming" some random cousin not present with me as I attempted to plan for my future and wondered how difficult it might be to be able to work in armed security after the restraining order (RO) and the 5150 finally blow over by 2025 and 2027. I actually managed to successfully renew my exposed firearm permit for the third time in 2019 (first time was in 2010 or 2011; second time in 2015) after taking the exam (which included firing shots at the shooting range) while I was already hallucinating all throughout... same time period in which I was hearing voices telling me to kill myself and others; in fact, thought-forms were already telling me right off the bat sometime in October or November of 2019 (using the face of someone they referred to by the name of a psychiatric nurse practitioner whom I was meeting with in 2015 and 2016) to "go kill us." Thought-forms now find this amusing. This same nurse would later go on to threaten to place a RO on me. Roughly two years later; a therapist also threatened to place a RO on me and was already in the process of placing a temporary restraining order (TRO) on me by August of 2019. Thought-forms showed me a list of people in 2019 which included the aforementioned nurse, the therapist, the therapist's husband, and my father. They'd later claim that the therapist's boss and nurse's husband were "in on it" as well. The TRO was upgraded to a five-year-long RO by November of 2020. "That's hilarious," the thought-forms now tell me. They're also smiling at me and telling me to smile, too.
|
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#11
"So what?"
"You betcha'." "We did this to you." "Hell yes." They continue to add. |
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#12
As for the link to the PsychForums thread:
OhItsThatGuyAgain - Journal (replies welcome) : Online Journals - Psych forums |
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#13
After putting myself through both caffeine and amphetamine withdrawal over these past 11 to 60 days based off of the thought-forms' insistence since 2019...
The thought-forms are still pulling the same thing with the little boy even this morning. As soon as I woke up about 1 or 2 hours ago, and as recently as a few seconds ago. "Nobody gives a ****," they respond. |
Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: California
Posts: 17
1 |
#14
A few days ago; I walked into a nearby police station (which is five to fifteen minutes away from home on foot) based off the thought-forms' insistence since 2019 when they first began to accuse me of decapitating a psychiatric nurse practitioner and whose murder I was apparently supposed to turn myself to the police over. I told the police what the thought-forms accused me of (voices accusing me of murder and telling me to tell the police of the murder) and the police told me that they could do nothing but call an ambulance in order to have some paramedics check my vitals. Mind you; I'd already gone looking for this nurse sometime in December of 2019 and a few months later... perhaps in 2021 or 2022. Earlier this year, in fact, I found her husband's Facebook and found recent pictures (from Septemberish of 2022) of the two together with their daughter, and the nurse appeared to be pregnant with a second child. I also looked her up on her company's web site (same exact place she'd been working at since she and I first met in 2015) and found out that she was still working there (this was information that I'd also gathered in 2019 when I went to her old office).
The thought-forms had been telling me since 2019 to turn myself in to a jail--usually showing me an image of the police station that I described above. As far as I can tell--the station is in itself not actually a jail. Although, I was kept inside a cell at the station by myself for about 30 to 60 minutes before being hospitalized for my 5150 last year. On the same day (a few days ago--sometime in May); I walked out of the police station and walked on over to my aunt's apartment. She's living with her husband (who also happens to be one of the Santeria witch doctors I worked with in between July and October of 2019--along with one other witch doctor who is now deceased). My aunt told me that everyone in the family is fine. Despite all of this--the thought-forms continue to fling accusations and using the little boy based off of these accusations even today. |
Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,024
(SuperPoster!)
8 4,929 hugs
given |
#15
You must realize that all of this is nonsense!!
Adderall makes me sleepy. Bad med. No but just know, that I care.. What you're dealing with sounds rough. |
Closed Thread |
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Forum | |||
Mixed Anxiety-Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features + Substance Use Disorder | New Member Introductions | |||
Anyone else have psychotic disorder & Eating Disorder ? | Eating Disorders | |||
Brief psychotic disorder - F23 | Psychiatric Medications | |||
Brief Psychotic Disorder | Schizophrenia and Psychosis | |||
possible psychotic disorder? | Other Mental Health Discussion |