Roll Call 199

Did 30 minutes on the treadmill

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My program manager is gonna reach out to his contacts and see about getting me started doing peer recovery for people who are struggling with their mental health. So I’d be someone who goes in and talks to people struggling with their mental health and I’d get paid for it

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I freelance as well. And I get it.

It's tough. Can you sit down for say, 20 minutes a day and send out marketing info to prospects? Even that, even if you don't get an ounce of business out of it, can help you feel better.

Today it's raining. Anyway, I took a bit of a risk (for me) and went out for a walk in the rain. It was pretty nice. Not going to lie.

I'm a panentheist.

1. Panpsychism emphasizes the inseparability of the physical and mental aspects of reality, while panentheism seeks a higher reconciliation of atheistic pantheism and ontological dualism.
2. Panentheism is a subset of pantheism, and most pantheists who are philosophically or theologically inclined tend to be panentheists.
3. Panentheism seeks to reconcile an atheistic pantheism with the ontological dualism of necessarily existing, eternal creator and contingent, finite creation.
4. Some panpsychists equate God with the cosmos, and hence are pantheists.
5. Panentheism is a subset of pantheism, and most pantheists who are philosophically or theologically inclined tend to be panentheists.

All of these are interesting things, but antipsychotics are important (To help with disturbance, like the paranoia of cars etc - I used to be so fearful of cars letting me cross the road - I still kind of am.. I hate especially when people yell at me from their cars, saying "Use the crosswalk" and ****...).

Cars seem to have their own consciousness to me.. Cute and scary/alien/metallic/unnatural. They make me scared, passing by - Like I could be abducted or have my soul stolen by the headlights.

But these are just thoughts - In DPDR, they bother me - But not anymore. Olanzepine helped.

It just depends on the intensity that you can handle the thoughts/feelings (Like a dial from 1-10). Some days are good, others aren't as good.

@Desoxyn thanks, that's very interesting. I'll have to read a book about it although I'm still not sure if any of those fit my belief. Just now I posted "What philosophy is this?" here at mysupportforums.org

What philosophy is this?

I think one needs to join the group before posting.

I feel so abandoned by my treatment team today. My case manager is out all month, my therapist cancelled on me, and so did my peer support person. I did learn that mixing valium and alcohol makes me take naps, which is good because my sleep has gone to hell.

From my view, all of that OCD/DPDR/psychosis stuff.., I came back right where I started (Maybe since I was born) - I realized (In my own belief) that this life is just a small piece of the infinite, and that is a piece of a higher infinite, again and again - Until it all comes back to where we are now. It's a big fractal of fractals.

One unit of time, all of us, one God, lasting eternity (With exception maybe - That's important, then not, then again, then not again.. etc.. - This might be why people get psychosis idk). It's important to know what is real, and not be solipsistic (For me). Pain is real.. Love and truth is better.

So now I can finally relax. I don't really try to figure it out anymore. I try to act like how I used to act (But it's not the same anymore, after realizing that "life is life").

The now, this is it.. "You are much more like a whirlpool in a stream flowing… You are a process." -Alan Watts.

But, I need meaning, purpose and such, still.. - So I seek things, experiences, etc... Too much to list. I like energy, excitement etc.. I just find it hard to balance life with calmness. So I would like to have some weird obsession, pursue that, and get myself lost in it - Become a master.. Get into a flow state..

- But the thing is, is that I'm one of those "interested in everything" people.... So I break apart into pieces sometimes. I'm so general minded right now.. I enjoy just taking it all in (Even though I'm scared - cuz of my past, and what happened.. How I can relate to people. But everyone is screwed up now - So it's okay).

I feel free in some way, and had a good time - But also a horrible time. I'd like to choose the positive perspective - And the horrible times will still happen, just got to accept. Idk.

We all have some sort of responsibility, as an individual (Cuz we exist - And have to do something about it, or else suffer). But we will suffer anyways, sometimes. If you really think something is worth it, then the pain to get there is worth it.

Helping other people helps, being kind, spreading love in ways through own skills and talent like art, music, or achieving something good, which will help the world - Like our TV signals match what we want, manifest. Idk.

I try to do all of these things - I'm just in awe all the time or terrified and disturbed. I really have to just feel better for a while, cuz negative thoughts really disable me hehe ^-

But it's okay! It's all okay..

"There there, it ok".. (I say to myself)..

We are lifeforms. All beautiful as divine heaven..

But still, it's important to be curious.. and not have infinite nihilism like me. Have a sense of wonder, an amazing life, but just don't break the mind.

Be careful with diazepam and alcohol

Together, they are the grim reaper swirl mixture of gabaminergic death

Edit: We didn't abandon you.. =]
Edit: Neither did they.. That stuff just happens sometimes.

Went to Trader Joes and found nothing but good old Albertsons had what I needed. Went on a long lunch walk on a different path but different like it so will go back to normal walk at sunset.

Feeling good btw

I wonder if Breaking Dawn ascended into the next reality. Supposedly there're lot of ascensions happening lately. BD was encouraging me to go 100% homeless in the forest. I feel like if I had went I would have ascended.

I think a lot of characters in this reality are of the evil one trying to influence me and some are of God. BD definitely seemed to be of God. The evil ones are too easy to spot lol

You don’t sound very good. I suggest you go see a psychiatrist.

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Am I evil =[

I worked today but since it’s the long weekend they let us out early so I was done at 130pm. Went to the gym (leg day) and then went out to eat with my mom and sister. I had chicken and ribs with veggies and sweet potato fries and a couple mocktails. Then went did a bit of grocery shopping and stuff. Came home watched TV and drank lime tea.

Going to go to the gym tomorrow morning. Then not sure. We have to summerfy our backyard this weekend. Basically put away the snow shovels and bring out the lawn chairs. Also finally put away the Christmas tree in the living room lol. Going to BBQ some steaks tomorrow.

Oh and corn is on sale so hopefully we can find it tomorrow and then we can make a bunch of corn salsa again.

Aside from that not much else going on.

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Muahahaha. On a serious note, only you know that, right?