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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,829
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given 
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Jun 17, 2023 at 08:07 PM
#221
I find boredom intolerable. Thanks to BPD. So I have to be doing something 24/7 otherwise if I have time to get bored I get impulsive and self destructive.
So today I practiced fingerstyle on ukulele for an hour, I’m working on learning Hey there Delilah on it, and worked on painting one of my miniature figures tonight. Maybe someday I’ll get good at these things, with a lot more practice. I’m trying to start dedicating more time to things like that than scrolling through social media. It’s more fulfilling and I can be proud when I make progress. I do feel somewhat less anxiety now that I got my bloodwork results the other day and it was basically perfect in every area. So I’m in really great health. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom  8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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 cogladaid, Desoxyn, Job 30 26, MuddyBoots, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,829
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given
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Jun 17, 2023 at 08:19 PM
#222
I didn’t get around to exercising today. Mostly cleaned, listened to music, did my hobbies, ukulele, painting, games, reading, and FaceTimed with my bf/watched anime with him
Exhausted now. It’s going on 9:30pm. Got up at 5am. I should probably go to bed soon but I want to stay up and listen to music. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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cogladaid, MuddyBoots, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,829
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given
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Jun 17, 2023 at 08:21 PM
#223
Season 3 finale of demon slayer on Crunchyroll releases tomorrow. (It’s an anime, a really really good one) So excited. Watching it with my bf sometime tomorrow.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots, Sometimes psychotic
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,923 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 12:15 AM
#224
Had many thoughts. I wrote pages (As usual). Then smoked plant (Possibly not a good idea) and a CBN gummy (For sleep), and diazepam - So I'll go to sleep at around, half past midnight.. Wake up for work.. Take caffeine pill (To wake up).
Then at least Monday, I don't work.. I'd like Sativa, have interesting ideas.. I'll buy some at the weed store tomorrow. I know this is a schiz forum - But this is just the way I'm dealing with my confused, soul.. I take my antipsychotics.. (The Invega Trinza - Which I can't stop anyways =/ But still, the 5mg of olanzepine!). All is good (I hope!). |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,923 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 12:17 AM
#225
This is definitely a bad idea (For schiz - But I don't take the diagnosis 100% serious, otherwise I'd be crippled under my own inability to be myself, cuz I barely have much symptoms of something abnormal, for a while.. so..)
Any criticism is valid, so there's no need.. I don't have good coping skills - Or at least, the ones available aren't working right now.. And I'm changing my perspectives and such, being more mindful. Again, I recommend against. I'm an idiot (But that's okay for me right now..). I am learning lessons! I've gotten so far (With progress).. No one has any idea, cuz I could be really low functioning, in the hospital.. I haven't been in the hospital in years. "Why is he always doing these same things" - I know.. I judge even myself, too. "I'm a horrible person", I could say to myself... But I gotta be kind to self.. I hope everyone is symptom free tomorrow =] Sleep well, angels. |
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MuddyBoots
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,565
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,112 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 05:24 AM
#226
I think my annual summer mixed episode is starting. At least it's been delayed this year.
Gonna take a PRN but I'll wait until tonight so I don't spend all day eating sugar and carbs (and inevitably vomiting them up). I hope if I take the extra meds I can stay out of the hospital. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,411
(SuperPoster!)
11 22.8k hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 09:05 AM
#227
Quote:
I never want to go back to the hospital….it’s so terrible… Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs! 
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,565
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,112 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 09:20 AM
#228
Quote:
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,411
(SuperPoster!)
11 22.8k hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 09:28 AM
#229
Quote:
State hospital no way ever. __________________ Hugs!
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 MuddyBoots
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,829
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 09:58 AM
#230
Waiting on the demon slayer finale to be released. It was already released in Japan earlier today I believe. It comes out 1:45pm EST which is where I am. So a few more hours.
I have to cook today and I don’t feel like it. But I have ground chicken that needs to be cooked today and pasta to make. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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cogladaid, MuddyBoots, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,829
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 10:44 AM
#231
I haven’t been in the hospital since July 2017. I used to end up there a lot, mostly involuntarily and one time in the back of a police car with a MIW (mental inquest warrant) order from a judge. I’m glad I haven’t been in so long. I hope to never go back. Not that they’re not helpful but yeah. I was in one for 28 days straight one time and they were thinking of transferring me into a year long residential one when I was 14, thankful they didn’t. I can’t see myself ever ending up in one again as long as I take my meds and am proactive with my treatment and self care, sleep etc unless something really bizarre and unforeseen happens where my mental health deteriorates severely. Hopefully that doesn’t happen though.
I should mention only one of the places I ended up I’d consider a necessarily “bad” experience. Staff was mean and almost aggressive to everyone there. And we were all kids. But other than that my experience were they were helpful and safe environments Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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| MuddyBoots, Sometimes psychotic
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,565
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,112 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 11:06 AM
#232
I've been in the hospital a lot too. Only involuntary 5 times (two times from getting a CD revoked though, probably about to get a third). I've engrained in my head once everyone on my team asks if I need to go to the hospital to say "yes" or I go to the state hospital so that's why I'm IP so much.
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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| Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,829
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 01:27 PM
#233
Played a few rounds of the yugioh card game with my boyfriend. Drinking a cappuccino now and am trying to get motivated to shower
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,923 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 01:48 PM
#234
Work done for the week! =]
Weed last night, gave me "Musical anhedonia" (Severely - I didn't freak out this time, cuz I knew it'd be over when it wore off). "Hypo-dopaminergic anhedonia" (Is depression, from weed). Musical anhedonia - Wikipedia "Northeastern University professors investigated whether the correlation between music and the brain can impair "social bonding". They could link similar images of the brain of an autistic person with the images of the brain of a person with musical anhedonia." |
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MuddyBoots
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,565
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,112 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 03:40 PM
#235
I do my training for the animal shelter next Monday! So excited!
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Angelique67, Blue_Bird, cogladaid
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,571
11
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Jun 18, 2023 at 05:05 PM
#236
Quote:
I don't ever want to go back to an inpatient psych unit again. The place traumatized me. I remember two patients who tried to end their lives while I was there. One almost died due to an OD. The other lady was very vocal about it and everybody knew. She tried to do it on hospital property. -- It was traumatizing to the other patients. One doesn't forget stuff like this. Quote:
I can understand why someone did that. When I went through psychosis pictures of people in magazines, on TV, billboards and my reflection would stare at me. It was penetrating. I felt transparent that my inner being was visible to everyone. My privacy was gone. __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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| MuddyBoots, Sometimes psychotic
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,923 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 05:33 PM
#237
I wish there was an AI robot that could analyze my life
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MuddyBoots, Sometimes psychotic, unsure123
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,923 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 05:36 PM
#238
 
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,923 hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 05:38 PM
#239
Quote:
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MuddyBoots
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,829
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given
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Jun 18, 2023 at 08:41 PM
#240
Watched the season 3 finale of Demon Slayer with my boyfriend. It was really good.
Practiced ukulele for an hour today. I’m starting to develop light calluses on my left hand from practicing everyday. Making some progress with learning fingerstyle. Don’t have much going on during the week. Tuesday I have my volunteer shift. Wednesday I’m going to the food pantry. Next Sunday I’m going to church with my friend and then playing some of the Digimon card games and other games together. I feel pretty good Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Angelique67, cogladaid, Desoxyn, MuddyBoots, Sometimes psychotic, unsure123
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