Roll Call 200

Thats awesome and thank you for the advice!

I'm aiming to practice 30 minutes a day. I have a violin mute I can put on my violin which lowers the sound a ton but I still don't want to be practicing for long hours because I don't want to bother my neighbors.

Here is a good video I found the other day by the psychiatrist Dr. Tracy Marks that talks about specifically the benefits of playing a musical instrument versus just listening to music. I found it interesting

I..

I was just too young to see!

I was just too young to see..

(+ Avoidance, abuse, severe isolation, drugs, and neglect - Of course).

Then the trip.

Remember, me ... repeating my traumas. I apologize. I'll be okay.



It'll be okay. It's all little bit heavenly.

It's a little bit SICK.

Something's in the way
Somethin' has to change
It's killing me
Silence in the heart
Sickness in the brain
Now I know

I got some candy the SW was saving for me in her office, but I'm a moron the more forgetful I get. I knocked, but I thought she was still on vacation. I tried the doorknob and it opened so I thought I'd wait for her in her office. Bad decision. Her door was closed because she didn't want to be bothered! She was working and I barged right in. I am so stupid.

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Got a good 12 hour sleep. Not sleep deprived anymore!

What a beautiful day

Yesterday was exactly 4 years ago, since my last cigarette ^-

I’m trying to find a part time job. It’s hard though because no place I’ve applied to has given me a chance, probably simply due to my lack of experience. No one wants to hire a 29 year old without work experience

I feel you.

The work at the cat shelter should help. I’m sure someone will take a chance on you soon.

Thanks I hope so

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Congrats on no cigarettes for 4 years, do you vape or are you completely off nicotine?

I sleep around 12 hours too. Maybe a but long but if it’s good quality all is good..

Congrats on 4 years without cigarettes!

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Watching the movie Predator. I’ve never seen those movies before. Then after I finish all the ones in that series I’m gonna watch the movies in the Alien series which I also haven’t seen

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Oooh the last Predator movie was Prey and it was so awesome. Better than most of the other predator movies.

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Lol I remember (When I was a kid), my brother told me "Not to watch *some alien predator movie*" - And I was curious..

So when he was at school, I put the CD in - And watched it. It was good.

It's like with the "Pirate Bay" thing - He looked at my computer and was like "You're downloading Torrents!" (Cuz he did).

Too funny.. When someone tells me not to do something, I must do...

I chew nicotine gum ^- It's expensive.. But helps with my cognition.. It will pay off, when I make millions..

Since then, I consumed 80 grams of pure nicotine..

I’m currently on the 1st one , the 1987 one , I look forward to seeing that once I get through the older ones

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From what I’ve seen of the first one so far it is really good, almost finished with it , gonna finish up tonight glad you enjoyed it too

I’m kinda that way too when people tell me what to do or not to do lol

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I have a volunteer shift tomorrow morning. After that coming home and getting some cleaning done, then practicing violin and piano. I practiced violin for 30 minutes today. my posture has gotten so bad over the years so playing in the correct posture/ and hand postion really made me sore. It will get easier over time though the more I do it, I'll rebuild the muscles. I want to have better posture anyways just in general everyday life so this will be an incentive to make it better.

Have an inspection on wednesday. Trying to not stress over it like I used to get over them. It's just my monthly meeting/inspection. No big deal. They just check to make sure everything is working.

Gonna finish the 1st Predator movie tonight then maybe read for a bit and then go to sleep. Super excited for my lesson Saturday. Honestly having this (weekly violin lessons) and practicing to look forward to is helping me dealing with the loss of my psychiatrist of 7 years. Her leaving just hit me really hard. I don't know if that's weird or not, but she was my biggest support and I trust her a lot, it's been great working with her over the years and I feel I've made a lot of progress with her.

I have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday

When I was younger my dad sat me down and watched all the Vietnam films as well as the Alien ones.

Heading out to my volunteer shift. Ughhh don’t feel up to it, I’ll be home in a few hours though

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Just got home. The adoption coordinator was there today. It’s normally just me by myself. Someone was stopping by to adopt the cat Tipsy so she came today. So it was nice to get to finally meet her in person, I’ve only known her through text and email since I started volunteering there in March. She’s really nice.

Today went well. I did have to carry two 40 lb bags of cat litter and it was a workout to say the least. Anyway, I cleaned all the cages etc and played with the cats. A lot of them were extremely messy. Like a few of them dumped half their litterboxes all over their bedding. So that was a lot to clean up. There was a cat there today named Big Daddy, he had a few extra toes , really big paws. All the kitties were sweet except one which scratched me several times and I bled because every time I tried to get my hand in his cage to clean he would start batting at me. Forgot to use the biting gloves for him. Those are just big gloves like oven mitts kinda that you use when dealing with aggressive/scared cats.

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Saw my doctor this morning.

Blood tests show no signs of anemia. So that sucks. Wish it was a simple answer with a simple solution.

Did an EKG but it’s normal. Could be something like a post infection syndrome thing that’ll go away soon.

Or it could be something like POTS.

I talk to the liver doctor on Thursday to go over other test results so I’m going to ask him if there’s anything there that could explain.

Otherwise I just sort of sit around and try to do life as much as normal as I can. Doctor might refer me to a cardiologist or something if nobody has answers soon.

So yeah that’s fun.

Also TMI but I had my period end of June and then it was back two weeks later and doctor says that’s not a good thing at all and is referring me to a gynaecologist. Also fun.

I put my gym membership on hold for a month. Hopefully I can get back to it after that.

For now I just sit here occasionally dizzy, occasional headache, lightheaded upon standing, and super tired.

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