Roll Call 200

Anyway, I had a decent day. Met with my program manager as I posted above he gave me info and a recommendation for that job.

Also had an appointment with my therapist. Talked about the progress I’ve made. Told her about the possible job opportunity. Told her about the violin lessons. Talked about my volunteer position and how that’s going. Talked about cats for a bit. Lol (she traps feral cats and brings them to rescues on her time off). My mood is stable. I’m sleeping well. Plans to go back to college in January. Etc. said she’s very excited for me about everything.

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I'm a soul. I like music.

And intelligent thinkings

I observe an eternal fever dream

You’ll never get 100%. People are human and we all have limitations. Put into place things like therapists that you trust or other friends on this issue to protect yourself.

We watch this show Indian matchmaking and she’s always like aim for 70%

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Thanks that’s a really good idea, it’s only one thing so it’s not like it would cause the relationship to be bad or anything.

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I just noticed you joined Pc one month after me and we both have our ten year member badges now.

Yup it’s been a long time , hard to believe

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So I have 3 professional references for my job application and one personal reference. So that’s good. Hopefully it increases my chance of getting the job.

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Practiced violin. My lesson is tomorrow afternoon

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Was sui at work cuz of stress, confusion, lack of meaning, intrusive thoughts, low self worth, paranoia, resentment etc.

I took the 20mg of Dexedrine, 75mg of pregabalin and then 10mg of diazepam.

I'll report back in 1h, and see...

Ah I should have taken 5mg. Very relaxed. It's what I needed though. To quell the intense stress.

I'll be back.. and explain, all that can't be explained.. I try.

Anyone have any tips for trying to get the energy to exercise. I haven’t done it in a few weeks and I just feel really kinda lethargic lately, due to my meds. I need to start exercising again.

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My mom is a hyper hypomanic ADHD/OCD nut (No offense to nuts). She gets me out to go hiking and skiing etc.

My little sister will visit - And we'll hike a 1km high mountain (10k ft above sea level). It takes around 5-6 hours, constant up hill. I did it twice (Once in 2020, and again in 2021). During the Spring/Summer, it's best to prepare for it.

I tried going to the gym (When I first moved here), but the gym here really, is outside.. A few km away.. I used to lift weights (When I was 14-16), and liked that. I remember, when I lifted weights (At 16)? The depression lifted, and I felt "Hypomania/Intense euphoria" (For the first time in my life) - Almost as intense euphoria as when I stole half a bottle of Jack Daniels from my ex step dad.

I would like to get rid of fat, and not become super big.. But like ripped (I like that type of body form - Cuz I'm already strong, with my coordination etc..). I'd love to do Martial Arts (That was my dream for a long time - To do that, and meditate, something like Tai Chi) - Be able to defend myself, if someone were to attack me.. Or just show people that I can be a monster than can not be ****ed with.. I tried Martial Arts (When I was a kid - And my dad paid for it), but I was waaay too anxious, and had to quit. I think I needed some type of mentor/couch/guru or w/e, to teach me about life and such.

It can take other people to motivate you.. Some people just naturally want to exercise - But the more you exercise?, you become addicted to it. I went mountain biking a few times too (There's just a lot of bears here, and it can get quite hot, some summers). But it's good exercise.. I never wanted to go further than others, and went the shorter path.. I'm kind of lazy that way, and feel accomplished very easily (Once I do something that I like enough).

Some people don't really have many thoughts, and just like to exercise as well.. And not do much else, and ignore intellectual pursuits, and balance of other things in life.. Everything has to have balance.. Addiction of anything is no good.. But if it's not harming self or other people (And you're happy), that's okay. Like I have a "coder" gf.. Genius, but doesn't balance life. It's not good to be on the computer or inside all of the time, not socializing even.. People get agoraphobia etc that way.. It can take "others" to give insight, advise, hope, encouragement, support etc.. - To get out of their bad habits, and face fears.

The antipsychotic and beta blocker do make me unmotivated to exercise (I can't even get mad or pissed off - Even when I need to be), and agitation/anger/irritability can be used for creative endeavours.. The stim helps.. An antidepressant or psychedelic psychotherapy/ketamine can help too - Cuz they mimic exercise in the brain (Neurologically).

Thanks Desoxyn, I need to start walking more outside and using my weights and resistance bands too, and doing crunches and yoga. I used to go on nature hikes a few years ago. They were fun. I don’t know anyone who wants to go on them now so I wouldn’t know where to go or how to get there. I always feel a lot better after exercising it’s just getting myself to actually do it is the hard part. I procrastinate a lot with it and put it off. Gonna try to stop doing that though.

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Kind of annoyed. I got a copy of my last blood work from my family doctor and the liver doctor. The one my family doctor ran last week were all good. I talked to the liver doctor yesterday and she said everything was fine, but looking at them today it showed my iron level was 4 (normal is between 6-27).

So… why didn’t anyone tell me my iron was low? My family doctor didn’t test my iron last week so he didn’t know, but the liver doctor had the results and said I was fine.

I called my family doctor and asked if I should be retested or should I take iron pills or something. The receptionist said she would pass on the message and call me back. It’s almost 5pm and no one has called me. So that’s a bust. And my doctor is on vacation next week.

I see him on the 22nd so I’m just going to take iron pills until then. See how I feel. Whatever take this into my own hands.

Yeah so I’m annoyed. I’m not mad at my family doctor just healthcare system in general.

I’m trying to save money but I just want to go out right now and get some Starbucks or a milkshake or something to make myself feel better.

I’m going to try to cut out chips. I eat too many chips and they don’t make me feel good really. I have some sweet potato chips I gotta eat but aside from that going to stop eating chips.

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We gotta live we gotta live we gotta live =]

But feel alive too. That's the most important.

Being bored is okay too - That happens.

Also, transhifting, geometric, dissociating, Venn diagram, vortex, soul-machine, stormy (With lightning and undiscovered particles) into a funnel of MIND - Confused, all infinite human (And non-human) emotions and experiences, horrors and delights - Those things can happen too.

Remember, to live this life.. We are put in certain shoes (Just the way that things spawn - Don't worry, we're everywhere, all at once anyways) and.. There is a punishment (Hell), and a reward (Heaven). If you don't feel like heaven?, mess around - Find out. We'll be okay. Wisdom will be gained as a byproduct.

For cogladaid:

Do you have access to Life Labs, Dynacare, etc...? You can set up an account and view your results. Some offer the service for free.

If you see the liver specialist at a hospital (and get your blood drawn at the hospital), you can access the results if they have a patient portal. The service is free. All you have to do is register with the clinic or with health records.

I really like my hospital's patient portal. I can see my results and read the visit summaries (as long as the visit isn't listed as sensitive).

I don’t have any access to anything like that. I don’t know if they have that here in Canada? I have to get the results from my doctor. I usually get a copy when I have an appointment but you have to ask.

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Oh you are in Canada. Hmm I’ve never heard of anything like that. I guess I’ll look into it.

Edit: looked it up and Dynacare (lab where I get all my testing) is $10 a year premium to get the results. I’ll consider it.

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Speedy feelings today. Cuz I slept from 6pm-10:30pm, and then 3am-8:30am.

Catecholamines replenished, and cortisol decreased!



Wait a second.. ChatGPT is being inaccurate. Nvm.

Had a really good first violin lesson today. Learned a lot. Have a lot to practice. The teacher is awesome My next lesson is in a week

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