Roll Call 201

I know how it feels . Heart OCD almost killed me (Even though my heart is fine) - But for you, it's real more complex. Take certain times to not Google, and live usual life - Then plan a specific time to Google again.

Roll Call is dying... Everyone is on TikTok =[

And a lot of the mental illnesses there aren't even real =[

It's China, trying to destroy America.

Sometimes we just need to talk about things.. That's all. Truth and understanding, love, etc. If not, gloss over this - It's just me, writing here - For many decades.. About my thoughts.. and schizophrenia..

It has been a long road - Wrestling with infinity, medicated on Invega Trinza.

You will all be okay btw.

Truth doesn't lie.

Ordered pumpkin spice cookies…like break and bake and then the Oreo kind.

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Oooh sounds good! I can't wait till I get my first pumpkin spice thing of the season

Here's a few of the songs my teacher is going to help me work my way up to (eventually, it will take a lot of time and practice)

Vivaldi violin Concerto in a minor 1st mov._Suzuki violin Vol.4 - YouTube

Lindsey Stirling - Carol of the Bells (Official Music Video) - YouTube

David Garrett-Summer (Vivaldi Four Seasons.Presto Storm) - YouTube

Love all of those!

Right now what I've been playing/posting videos of on Facebook is a beginner version of carol of the bells, Lindsey Stirling's version is much more complex but we're gonna work up to that over time Right now the goal is to be able to play this version I've been working on all the way through perfectly by Christmas time

I caved in and took 5mg of olanzepine and 0.25mg of clonazepam. I feel anxious, and also like I'm an insane person.

Imagine how much people pretend to feel normal, and then cave in. Lol. It sucks.

But at least no DPDR (Otherwise I wouldn't be able to write until it's over).

Hope you feel better Desoxyn glad to hear you’re not having DPDR

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I had a good day, violin lesson went well, spent time with my boyfriend watching anime and playing yugioh together, then talked about music theory for awhile with him. His guitar teacher and my violin teacher know eachother, his guitar teacher recommended her to me since I was looking for a teacher. She is really good. She plays violin in a band, and her grandmother was a professional violinist. I'm currently learning about the circle of 5ths, this is the link my teacher sent me after our lesson, to read and look at

What is the Circle of Fifths in Music Theory? | by Thomas Chase Jones | Medium

She said I have a very good ear as far as being able to tell when a note is off/too high or too low and my ability to self correct it when I hit something wrong, and she was impressed at my progress over the past week and is excited to have someone excited to actually practice and learn. I'm in this for the long haul, super excited about it

I'm hoping to take lessons for at least 3 years. Hopefully longer but we'll see how my financial situation is in 3 years from now cause things can always change who knows

. I couldn’t really sleep. I kind of tossed and turned for a few hours but am just up now at 1am and am staying up. I skipped some of my night meds again (the Thorazine specifically ) which I always do and the always regret doing because I end up not being able to sleep at all. So I will need to take that tonight and stop messing with it. I hate that my body is so dependent on it but it never works out when I stop it so I should just accept it and take it. I sleep wonderfully when on it.

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Got some cleaning done today. Been looking up tips for cleaning when depressed or cleaning your “depression house/room”. I took out the trash, swept and mopped , cleaned kitchen counters and vacuumed the whole apartment and used carpet freshener. I struggle so much with motivation when it comes to cleaning. I let it get kinda bad. Idk if I’m just lazy or what but it’s so hard to get started and keep up a regular routine of cleaning. I’m trying to get myself into one though. It’s just hard.

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My sister left =[

It was a nice week that she was here. I will miss her. But she might come back in November. My aunt and uncle will visit soon, and then we go to Vancouver Island for a 3 week vacation (In December). It's crazy that the Mexico vacation was last December - Wow that was fun!

My dad said to stay strong... Cuz I sent him the text (About the hypnosis).

An undercover cop pulled over and talked to me while I was walking to work. He asked how I was and I said "I'm good!" (Asking for a missing person - Quite suspicious to me, but what ever).

Like imagine if all these police officers were hallucinations - I wouldn't be surprised, or care. Cuz we're all being spied on by everything. NWO - "You will have no privacy, everything about you will be known and predicted" etc.

Anyway, I had a good sleep last night. Olanzepine and benzo knocked me out. I was drinking 1x alcohol, and didn't finish it. I feel happy today. Just last day of work was hard - I work my *** off, and then come home, shower, shave, etc.. Make sure garbage is taken out, put my sisters air mattress away etc..

Then I need at least 1 hour (To cool down, and relax). Then the pregabalin and second dose of Dexedrine spansules kick in, and I continue with the day...

Been dissociating tonight. Trying to figure out how to ground myself and stop zoning out into space for ridiculous amount of time

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I wonder if there’s any good apps or games that help relax you and help stop dissociating. There has to be. There was animal crossing and I played that for several years but I’m kinda burnt out on that game until they release the next one. I have a lot of games I just need to actually focus enough to play one without jumping into another activity 5 minutes in and getting distracted

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Sounds like your experience with games is similar to me. I’ve got great games to play but just never have the motivation to play much.

Ofc, Pokemon Go is a staple for me and I’m on it everyday.

I ended up playing yugioh Duel links tonight, which is a lot of fun

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I forgot to mention I recently started playing Pokémon Go , it’s a lot of fun

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