Roll Call 201

I’m sorry, it sucks feeling that way :/ but we would all care if you died, and care now too , we wouldn’t want anything to happen to you just so you know. You’re an amazing person and are so kind and thoughtful and smart. I do understand feeling that way though, the not feeing suicidal but not caring if I die. I’ve felt like that before. Sometimes it’s finding small things to find joy in. Like petting your cat or learning about things like you enjoy doing. For me it’s music. We all have different things we enjoy that can bring some happiness and inspiration.

I hope that makes sense, it’s 1am and I just woke up so I hope that my reply makes some sort of sense lol

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. I couldn’t really sleep. I kind of tossed and turned for a few hours but am just up now at 1am and am staying up. I skipped some of my night meds again (the Thorazine specifically ) which I always do and the always regret doing because I end up not being able to sleep at all. So I will need to take that tonight and stop messing with it. I hate that my body is so dependent on it but it never works out when I stop it so I should just accept it and take it. I sleep wonderfully when on it.

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Got some cleaning done today. Been looking up tips for cleaning when depressed or cleaning your “depression house/room”. I took out the trash, swept and mopped , cleaned kitchen counters and vacuumed the whole apartment and used carpet freshener. I struggle so much with motivation when it comes to cleaning. I let it get kinda bad. Idk if I’m just lazy or what but it’s so hard to get started and keep up a regular routine of cleaning. I’m trying to get myself into one though. It’s just hard.

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My sister left =[

It was a nice week that she was here. I will miss her. But she might come back in November. My aunt and uncle will visit soon, and then we go to Vancouver Island for a 3 week vacation (In December). It's crazy that the Mexico vacation was last December - Wow that was fun!

My dad said to stay strong... Cuz I sent him the text (About the hypnosis).

An undercover cop pulled over and talked to me while I was walking to work. He asked how I was and I said "I'm good!" (Asking for a missing person - Quite suspicious to me, but what ever).

Like imagine if all these police officers were hallucinations - I wouldn't be surprised, or care. Cuz we're all being spied on by everything. NWO - "You will have no privacy, everything about you will be known and predicted" etc.

Anyway, I had a good sleep last night. Olanzepine and benzo knocked me out. I was drinking 1x alcohol, and didn't finish it. I feel happy today. Just last day of work was hard - I work my *** off, and then come home, shower, shave, etc.. Make sure garbage is taken out, put my sisters air mattress away etc..

Then I need at least 1 hour (To cool down, and relax). Then the pregabalin and second dose of Dexedrine spansules kick in, and I continue with the day...

Been dissociating tonight. Trying to figure out how to ground myself and stop zoning out into space for ridiculous amount of time

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I wonder if there’s any good apps or games that help relax you and help stop dissociating. There has to be. There was animal crossing and I played that for several years but I’m kinda burnt out on that game until they release the next one. I have a lot of games I just need to actually focus enough to play one without jumping into another activity 5 minutes in and getting distracted

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Sounds like your experience with games is similar to me. I’ve got great games to play but just never have the motivation to play much.

Ofc, Pokemon Go is a staple for me and I’m on it everyday.

I ended up playing yugioh Duel links tonight, which is a lot of fun

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I forgot to mention I recently started playing Pokémon Go , it’s a lot of fun

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I signed uo for 3 volunteer shifts for the upcoming week and a half, so I have a morning shift doing meal prep/serving food in the morning this Wednesday, Friday, and the following Thursday. They're 2 hours each. And of course I have my regular weekly Tuesday shift with Kitten Angels. I also applied to a bunch more jobs. So hopefully I hear something. Getting a little frustrated with it

I applied for a part time position with Burlington last night and now have a job interview with Burlington on Wednesday, hopefully I get it! Also it’s in the same plaza the Petsmart where I volunteer is which is very convenient

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It is a good 1am. The happiest of 1am's.

Hey hey hey.

Been good. I started taking iron pills about a week and a half ago and I feel so much better. I feel normal. No lightheadedness, no fatigue, no headache, no restless legs. All good.

Sent an email to see if I can reactive my gym membership sooner. I put it on hold for a month but a I’m all good now so I want to go back.

I downloaded the pharmacy app so I can manage my prescriptions on my phone. I love it.

Saw my doctor this morning. Told him how I’m doing. There’s still this immune response in my bloodwork so my doctor is going to refer it to this other doctor I’m seeing (an internist) to figure out if it’s either lupus or my thyroid or some other autoimmune thing.

Oh, I saw my psychologist yesterday. Talked over stuff. Did some crying. Mostly talking about eating issues and my lack of trust in people (and sometimes being over trusting and being bitten in the *** because of it). Feeling like a burden. Stuff like that. I also told her I feel mentally like I’m stuck in my early 20s back to when I first stated being mentally ill. So we’re exploring all that. See her again in a couple weeks.

Today I have an acupuncture appointment. Saturday I have a chiropractor appointment.

Been distracted at work though. I need to get work done. Last week I was so distracted but I got a second wind Friday night and worked until 9pm.

But yeah. Psychologist yesterday. Family doctor today. Acupuncture tonight. Chiropractor on Saturday. Then have chiropractor and dietician and naturopath in September. Probably more acupuncture. Then October I have CT scan, chat with the gastro doctor, see the gynaecologist, and the internist. See my family doctor again on Halloween. Maybe I’ll dress up

Pretty much all my appointments coming up.

So I’m feeling good. Keeping up with good health.

Oh, I realize I don’t feel that great eating like chips and dairy so I’m going to stop eating chips and stop eating dairy for now. Maybe the naturopath next month can give some insight to food sensitivities.

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I’m glad you’re feeling mostly well Cogladaid, I hope your appointments are helpful and provide some insight into things going on

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I overslept any a LOT and missed my volunteer shift with the kitties today. I feel horrible. I apologized to the adoption coordinator and she said it was okay. Anyway, I’m trying to get my sleep back in a normal routine so it doesn’t happen again. I feel bad/guilty about it though.

I have my phone interview tomorrow for the job with Burlington. So hopefully I get it. I also have a volunteer shift tomorrow (not with the kitties, with the shelter to serve meals to the community) so I’m going to make sure I make it to that.

I’ve been using the Pokémon Go mobile game to get myself to get out and walk more/get exercise outside. It’s definitely a fun motivator to take a lot of walks

I also started using the Pokémon Sleep game they came out with. Which tracks your sleep and makes it into a sort of game. It’s a lot of fun as well. Two games that support healthy habits (exercising and sleeping) so that’s cool

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Watched some anime (Full metal Alchemist: Brotherhood) and played a couple rounds of the yugioh card game with my boyfriend today. He won the first round and I won the 2nd round. I like the deck I’m using now, I’m doing better with it. Sorry I know this is like boring stuff to a lot of people but I love these types of card games and RPG board games , and videogames etc. lol

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I have been a victim of an energy vampire for over a year. And it's severe.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...nergy-vampires

I went full on "I can't take it". But it's okay. We're best friends still.

Have my job interview tomorrow afternoon. Hope it goes well

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