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Default Nov 05, 2023 at 10:08 AM
  #941
Have had a very productive morning. Cleaned, did laundry, organized, brushed my teeth, took my meds, meditated for about 20 minutes, read for 30 minutes.

Back to work tomorrow. Have my work bag ready and my outfit picked out for tomorrow.

Have my violin lesson today then am gonna finish cleaning, practice violin some more, shower, read, meditate again then bed

Also made a meal plan for today through next Sunday.

I work Monday, volunteer tuesday, work Wednesday and thursday, then am off Friday, saturday and Sunday

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Default Nov 05, 2023 at 10:26 AM
  #942
I too did laundry. No machine here so clothes are soaking in bag of warm water now.

Yesterday was one of those horrible days where bad luck explodes everywhere. It makes me feel like I'm imprisoned like a rat by entities who are experimenting and tormenting me or who feed off pain. Sometimes I get visions and deep feelings of knowingness about that. But it's unhealthy to think about such things.

Life was best in my 20s. I had a friend, a good job, didn't have unhealthy beliefs about my reality. I actually felt a little bit normal. My advice for everyone is to never ever allow yourself to start philosophizing about the nature of reality!

Just wish I had a friend. Life is too lonely and terrifying. Giving today another chance only bc for now I'm too afraid to go to the forest and fade away.
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Default Nov 05, 2023 at 12:40 PM
  #943
Had a great violin lesson.. My teacher has a show up near here in January, so we might get to meet in person

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Default Nov 05, 2023 at 01:24 PM
  #944
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I too did laundry. No machine here so clothes are soaking in bag of warm water now.

Yesterday was one of those horrible days where bad luck explodes everywhere. It makes me feel like I'm imprisoned like a rat by entities who are experimenting and tormenting me or who feed off pain. Sometimes I get visions and deep feelings of knowingness about that. But it's unhealthy to think about such things.

Life was best in my 20s. I had a friend, a good job, didn't have unhealthy beliefs about my reality. I actually felt a little bit normal. My advice for everyone is to never ever allow yourself to start philosophizing about the nature of reality!

Just wish I had a friend. Life is too lonely and terrifying. Giving today another chance only bc for now I'm too afraid to go to the forest and fade away.
I can't stop obsessing about these things but they do drive me nuts. I have the same idea/thoughts about entities or w/e doing that.

That's why I get suicidal. But I've wanted to die for over 10 years now. There's good and bad days. Hang in there friend =]
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Default Nov 05, 2023 at 03:54 PM
  #945
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I can't stop obsessing about these things but they do drive me nuts. I have the same idea/thoughts about entities or w/e doing that.

That's why I get suicidal. But I've wanted to die for over 10 years now. There's good and bad days. Hang in there friend =]

You too, dear Desoxyn. It only got worse for me. I thought for sure I'd figure out my reality, and there were plenty of times that seemed to happen, but it never lasted. Over all on average the more I learned about my reality the darker things got. It just led to more questions.

There's a happy balance to everything. Philosophizing with friends every so often seems healthy. Becoming obsessed with it and taking it to the extremes was the worst thing for me. Don't get me wrong, taking the academic approach with the academic community seems fine. It's the lonely extremist path I strongly caution against.
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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 02:20 AM
  #946
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You too, dear Desoxyn. It only got worse for me. I thought for sure I'd figure out my reality, and there were plenty of times that seemed to happen, but it never lasted. Over all on average the more I learned about my reality the darker things got. It just led to more questions.

There's a happy balance to everything. Philosophizing with friends every so often seems healthy. Becoming obsessed with it and taking it to the extremes was the worst thing for me. Don't get me wrong, taking the academic approach with the academic community seems fine. It's the lonely extremist path I strongly caution against.
Best reply I've ever got! TY! =]

I told my mom about the really dark thoughts, and misunderstandings, reality etc.. She reassured me - Then I saw this post, relief - I took phenibut, lied down for 2 hours.. I got up again, better..

I need to tune everything down.. Just it's gravitating, like a moth to a flame as well.. But all things will be ok. Manic psychosis (Positivity? Ok, I guess that's not just being positive), or psychotic depression (Negativity.. I think that's pretty much as negative as can be..).. But anyways.. All good. I'll keep trying.
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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 02:25 AM
  #947
I wanted to philosophize with friends so badly as a kid.. But it only happened like twice, for 5 minutes =[

My dad though (Especially when he drinks, and tells stories), holy crap.. He's a real nut (No offence to nuts - I'm just saying this cuz he's my dad).
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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 02:35 AM
  #948
Well not things are negative.. But things can get dark.

People warn me of many things.. But I curve ever so slightly around them, and do it in an unknown way... That is my life.

But I appreciate you all very much.
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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 08:48 AM
  #949
Heading to work in about an hour. Nervous and excited to be back.

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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 09:22 AM
  #950
I have to get back to putting in at least 14 hours per day work. Out of frustration I've been taking long breaks past few days because of sudden streaks of bad luck. When it rains it pours.
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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 10:52 AM
  #951
At work about to clock in, training to learn to run job orientations

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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 03:13 PM
  #952
I've been getting so easily irritable lately and don't like it. I wonder if meditation can help.
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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 04:16 PM
  #953
I'm home now, work went surprisingly well

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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 04:17 PM
  #954
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I've been getting so easily irritable lately and don't like it. I wonder if meditation can help.
I find meditation is very helpful

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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 04:19 PM
  #955
My fitbit inspire 2 came today, I just set it up! It came with fitbit premium for a year

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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 04:49 PM
  #956
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The chili I made
Not seeing your pics now. Shows up as a broken square.

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk
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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 04:53 PM
  #957
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Not seeing your pics now. Shows up as a broken square.

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk
That's odd, they show up on my laptop and phone on this website

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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 05:01 PM
  #958
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That's odd, they show up on my laptop and phone on this website
Maybe Tapatalk has to get updated or something. If I find out what the problem is I'll let you know. Roll Call 201

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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 09:06 PM
  #959
Good day today =]

And I guess the European Union is collecting data on me here.

Yeah EU, - Just know.. I'm your biggest fear. Don't forget that.
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Default Nov 06, 2023 at 09:14 PM
  #960
What did you expect, searching keywords from here, Central Intelligence Agency people...

My soul is more divine than any of your immortality projects. I will make sure that they will never come to fruition. Mark my words. You will fail.

Unless you arrest me for breaking a law that doesn't even exist yet. If I go out, the whole universe does too. So my best advice is that you watch me closely, but keep distance.
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