Roll Call 202

Blue_Bird · Nov 20, 2023 at 09:06 AM

Since all the cats at petsmart with the organization I volunteer with go home to stay with their foster homes over the holiday so there’s no cats left there in their cages over the holiday, so I won’t have to go in tomorrow cause they’re all in their foster homes this week/weekend, but will be back next week and I will be back to volunteering then. So I get tomorrow off volunteering, which means I can sleep in if I can actually sleep since I don’t have work either tomorrow

WastingAsparagus · Nov 20, 2023 at 03:59 PM

So I am trying to do my thesis again. Anyway. People wanna normalize me but they never will. I am a normal person. It's just that people wish to normalize me. And that is not good. I don't like it one bit.

WastingAsparagus · Nov 20, 2023 at 04:00 PM

Also, I don't know if my girlfriend is one of those people who wants to normalize me. It's weird. I don't know how that works. It's like she wants me to fit in or something. I don't know if it's really gonna work out.

WastingAsparagus · Nov 20, 2023 at 04:00 PM

I feel sometimes as if having a significant other adds significantly more stress to my life.

WastingAsparagus · Nov 20, 2023 at 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I think I’ve been managing my borderline personality disorder pretty well. Meditation and mindfulness helps. I’m still taking my meds and I’m therapy of course. But I feel like I’ve made an immense amount of progress in the last 10 years. I was the definition of chaos and recklessness and impulsivity etc back in my teens and early 20’s. Tons of hospital stays, 3 suicide attempts, getting high on stuff to the point of blacking out one time, binge drinking, cutting, not being able to maintain a relationship and wrecking every single one I was in. I still deal with mood swings and paranoia and impulsivity but it’s on a much lesser scale now. It’s don’t act on every impulse. And it’s been well over 5 years since I was last inpatient in the hospital. I haven’t drank or gotten high on anything in years. I have job. Have been in a healthy relationship for 8 months. I feel like there’s so much stigma against people with BPD, but I have made it to the other side finally. I’m still impulsive in some areas in my life. Still get paranoid, still have mood swings, still think in black and white (all or nothing) sometimes, But I’m able to cope and enjoy life. My doctor wouldn’t even diagnose me with it at this point because I’ve improved significantly. I think I’ll always have it. It may have calmed down, it’s still there. But I think it’s under control. I just have to stay on top of it and manage it the best I can like I have been. I don’t act on every impulse. I’ve impulsively wanted to break up with my boyfriend for no reason (just mood swings) probably a dozen times in our relationship but I haven’t. I used to act on every impulse and destroy every relationship I had.

This actually really helped me to read that you've had a similar experience to mine. I am wanting to break up with my girlfriend right now, and I know it would destroy things. Reading your post made me rethink things.

Blue_Bird · Nov 20, 2023 at 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

This actually really helped me to read that you've had a similar experience to mine. I am wanting to break up with my girlfriend right now, and I know it would destroy things. Reading your post made me rethink things.

Thank you I’m glad to hear that! Yeah it’s good to work on learning not to act on every impulse. Unless there’s a valid reason for it and if your emotions aren’t getting in the way of making a rational decision. I think the best advice I could give is to sleep on decisions. Maybe for a couple weeks. And if you still feel the same way talk to someone unbiased about it like a therapist and see what they say. Basically don’t rush to make decisions you’ll end up regretting. Cause I used to do that a lot. Break up just because I impulsively get overwhelmed and think the stress in my life is caused by my relationship. I know it probably wasn’t easy to be in a relationship with me in the past , I know I broke up with boyfriends randomly then regretted it and got back together and repeat etc. it’s hard for the other person to deal with as much as it is hard for me and others with these tendencies. So try to be 100% sure about any decisions, and learn to ride out emotions and impulses. Usually at least in my case when I feel that way usually it’s stress in other areas of my life that make me feel overwhelmed and not really the relationship but I end up deciding it’s the relationship and do something stupid like impulsively break up to deal with it. And it’s not a good feeling. I haven’t done it in this relationship, I did impulsively break up with him once when we first started dating again. But since then , I haven’t. And it’s been almost 8 months. It hasn’t been easy. But it’s gotten better. I have less impulses to break up lately even when dealing with stress.

Blue_Bird · Nov 20, 2023 at 05:16 PM

Work went well. It was easy. I mean it was physically exhausting but it wasn’t stressful. Because all I was doing today was markdowns. Which is scanning items and putting clearance stickers on them if a clearance sticker prints out of the printer the Bluetooth scanner is connected to. I was also in the stock room for awhile too later in the day putting security tags and cables on coats. The $50 plus coats require a hard tag , and a 48 H cable , both different types of security alarm tags. It’s really easy. I did accidentally stab my finger hard with the pin part of the hard tag when I was trying to connect one and they’re extremely sharp and it hurt bad and bled. But anyway, I got all the coats tagged they wanted me to do. And I did all the markdowns they told me to do. It was a nice peaceful day where I could just do my work and not be bothered by customers for the most part because I wasn’t cashiering this shift. Which was a nice break.

Desoxyn · Nov 20, 2023 at 06:38 PM

WastingAsparagus · Nov 21, 2023 at 04:15 AM

I finally think I got the meds figured out (although I know it's constantly evolving as a situation, mental health, that is). I need 60 mg lurasidone. And no aripiprazole.

WastingAsparagus · Nov 21, 2023 at 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I finally think I got the meds figured out (although I know it's constantly evolving as a situation, mental health, that is). I need 60 mg lurasidone. And no aripiprazole.

Wait wait, I think I need aripiprazole. But the lurasidone for sure at 60 mg.

Blue_Bird · Nov 21, 2023 at 03:54 PM

I slept for 13 hours. That’s after only sleeping for 4 hours within 72 hours. I feel a lot better. I’m sore from work from yesterday but feel good and rested. I have today off. I didn’t get up till 2pm. I’m just laying around watching hallmark Christmas movies on the frndly subscription streaming app. Gonna see if I can get some organizing done around my apartment. I don’t work again till tomorrow night 5pm to 9pm. Im excited for thanksgiving. Also I found a Turkey casserole recipe I’m gonna make with the leftover Turkey after thanksgiving.

WastingAsparagus · Nov 22, 2023 at 10:26 AM

Does anyone know of any good self-help websites or books? I need something to read or go to when I'm feeling down and need some encouragement. I know I can come here, but sometimes I need to read some sort of motivational article or something like that.

Blue_Bird · Nov 22, 2023 at 12:19 PM

I work tonight from 5pm to 9pm then I’m off tomorrow because the store is closed for thanksgiving. Slept really good the past two nights. It’s only 12pm now. Spent some time reading. Feeling good, just listening to music now and drinking a coffee. I get paid Friday morning and I’m getting a bunch of cleaning supplies and stuff to get my apartment deep cleaned and also stuff to make it smell really good. I slacked on cleaning for a few months so it really needs it. I also need new vacuum filters too. And some aromatherapy lotion just because I love aromatherapy and these specific ones from bath and body works are my favorites. One is eucalyptus spearmint. And one is orange ginger. Getting some febreeze plug in diffusers to put around the apartment and new wax melts for my scentsy. Christmas scents.

I made a list of what I want to cook for Christmas.

So here it is

-ham
-Brussels sprouts
-mashed potatoes and gravy
-glazed sweet potatoes
-stuffing
-cranberry sauce
-dinner rolls
-homemade baked Mac and cheese
-homemade egg custard pie
-homemade chocolate chess pie
-deviled eggs

Definitely the most ambitious Ive ever done but I’m excited. And also gonna have some holiday drinks around the house. Not alcohol. I mean like eggnog, cocoa, cranberry juice, some Coca Cola, mocha peppermint coffee creamer.

Yeah, idk why I’m gonna do this but I really want to go all out this Christmas. It’s just me but I’ll have tons of leftovers which is good. Not healthy really but it’s the holidays. Then New Year’s Eve I’ll order a pizza or maybe some buffalo wings

Blue_Bird · Nov 22, 2023 at 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Does anyone know of any good self-help websites or books? I need something to read or go to when I'm feeling down and need some encouragement. I know I can come here, but sometimes I need to read some sort of motivational article or something like that.

You should check out Jay Shetty’s podcast , he was a monk for awhile. He does like motivational speaking and stuff now. He also wrote the book Think Like a Monk which is great

Blue_Bird · Nov 22, 2023 at 12:22 PM

My sister isn’t coming over for thanksgiving because her boyfriend has covid and they live together so they’re not going out for the holiday since they don’t want to get people sick.

It’s just gonna be me and my cats ; and my boyfriend over the phone and FaceTime, we’ll watch some shows and play some games.

Blue_Bird · Nov 22, 2023 at 02:56 PM

I’m doing a no buy year for 2024. Technically starting next week though. So I can buy legit essentials, and replace certain things like socks or shoes (only if I actually really need to) but no buying anything else for the entire year. I can buy reasonable gifts for people for holidays and birthdays. But no impulse purchases. No books, ebooks, games, electronics, etc nothing non essential, I can pay for my violin lessons, but that’s my only indulgence. For the whole year.

cogladaid · Nov 22, 2023 at 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I’m doing a no buy year for 2024. Technically starting next week though. So I can buy legit essentials, and replace certain things like socks or shoes (only if I actually really need to) but no buying anything else for the entire year. I can buy reasonable gifts for people for holidays and birthdays. But no impulse purchases. No books, ebooks, games, electronics, etc nothing non essential, I can pay for my violin lessons, but that’s my only indulgence. For the whole year.

I think it’s a good plan to try to reduce spending, but you gotta give yourself a small budget for some fun.

All work and no play, they say…

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Blue_Bird · Nov 22, 2023 at 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

I think it’s a good plan to try to reduce spending, but you gotta give yourself a small budget for some fun.

All work and no play, they say…

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah true, I’ll try to come up with a reasonable amount to set aside for fun stuff. I make anywhere from $150 -$270 a week

Desoxyn · Nov 22, 2023 at 06:21 PM

Doing good. I wake up - And an hour later, it's dark.

Blue_Bird · Nov 22, 2023 at 10:00 PM

Just got home from work

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Roll Call 202

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WastingAsparagus Student of Life Member Since Mar 2014 Location: South America Posts: 4,711 10 2,917 hugs given	Nov 20, 2023 at 03:59 PM #62 So I am trying to do my thesis again. Anyway. People wanna normalize me but they never will. I am a normal person. It's just that people wish to normalize me. And that is not good. I don't like it one bit. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

WastingAsparagus Student of Life Member Since Mar 2014 Location: South America Posts: 4,711 10 2,917 hugs given	Nov 20, 2023 at 04:00 PM #63 Also, I don't know if my girlfriend is one of those people who wants to normalize me. It's weird. I don't know how that works. It's like she wants me to fit in or something. I don't know if it's really gonna work out. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

WastingAsparagus Student of Life Member Since Mar 2014 Location: South America Posts: 4,711 10 2,917 hugs given	Nov 20, 2023 at 04:00 PM #64 I feel sometimes as if having a significant other adds significantly more stress to my life. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Nov 20, 2023 at 06:38 PM #68

WastingAsparagus Student of Life Member Since Mar 2014 Location: South America Posts: 4,711 10 2,917 hugs given	Nov 21, 2023 at 04:15 AM #69 I finally think I got the meds figured out (although I know it's constantly evolving as a situation, mental health, that is). I need 60 mg lurasidone. And no aripiprazole. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Nov 22, 2023 at 06:21 PM #79 Doing good. I wake up - And an hour later, it's dark.

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,497 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	Nov 22, 2023 at 10:00 PM #80 Just got home from work __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi