Roll Call 202

Things going well. Don’t know if I mentioned last week I cut my hair (chin length with bangs) and I just had it dyed!



Tomorrow I’m getting my conch redone and a septum piercing. I’m so excited!

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Looks great cogladaid! And enjoy your new piercings! I love my septum piercing. I wear it flipped up during work so it doesn’t show at all.

I actually did my septum piercing by myself cause I was too impulsive when I wanted it and I didn’t want to wait. Wouldn’t do it again myself. It came out okay I think, again wouldn’t endorse doing your own piercings. Just something I did. Thankfully it never got infected or anything and it healed great. I’ve had it for 6 months now. It probably isn’t placed “perfectly” but I’m happy with it, hold on I’ll post a pic for reference

This is mine. I want to get some different jewelry for it soon. I want a plain small dainty hoop.

Note: sorry for the weird post but feel the need to express this.

I'm feeling out of this world different that's indescribable. I barely slept at all the entire night. Overall the past 3 days I'm not eating that much solid foods. Mostly liquids. Feels like floating as if I'll soon be able to fly, an eerie good but yet very uncomfortable feeling and kinda like I'm phasing back and forth between realities and last night is when this dizzy floating feeling started kicking in a lot. It can't be TBI because it's been nearly a week and I'd be in serious condition if that was the case.

This isn't my type of posting so something's different. Any followers of Dolores Cannon? Not me but lot of people on tiktok and youtube are. She says this kinda stuff would be happening. People would stop wanting to eat solid food, especially meats, start drinking juices entirely as they ascend to 4D/5D.

I'm not an ascension follower but an open-minded scientist so I'll wait and just observe. Many say ascension is a slow process. Maybe it comes and goes in phases, a little at a time.

Somebody in my building told me I’ve lost weight which made me feel good cause I’ve lost 14 lbs, it’s nice someone noticed, I’ve been putting a lot of effort into being more active and eating healthier.

Feeling more normal now. Just going to put in a very long day of work.

Mwhahaha. Got my piercings. Redid my conch and got the septum. I’m so happy!

I don’t think I’m manic. I just wanted a change. I say to myself ‘I’m fun. I’m whimsical. And I don’t give a **** anymore.’

I always wanted to be the crazy goth chick. I love the goth look. And I’m inspired to just change my look and do what I want.

I have to save money for a while. Maybe I’ll reward myself in a while when I lose some more weight. When I get under 300lbs I’ll get more piercings.

I feel good. I’m a little more than a month off alcohol. Almost two months off caffeine. I like life.

I just need to stop spending money for a while lol.

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Good morning/afternoon. I woke up really early, showered, drew some, meditated, journaled etc. Then fell back asleep on the couch for an hour just got up, have work tonight from 5pm to 9pm. I've been meditating a ton lately. It is really helping me cope with some of my BPD symptoms. I always feel in a better mood and more mental clarity, calmer and focused after meditating. Also working on having a more positive mindset and focus on gratitude.

I went to the library yesterday and got some books. I had yesterday off work and I wanted to get out of the house so I took a walk there. It was nice.

Have work tomorrow too from 11am to 3pm, then I'm off for 3 days. This friday my building is having a thanksgiving meal in the community room so I'm looking forward to going to that. I also get a free turkey basket which is a free whole frozen turkey and all the sides and stuff you could need. I get that next Monday. So I'm gonna cook it on thanksgiving day, I have thanksgiving day (next thursday) off. I'm gonna basically eat turkey and sides for a week because I'm trying to save money and this will help a lot.

Probably gonna read for awhile before I go to work later tonight. Maybe draw some more.

Here's a quick sketch I did today using a tutorial

I've been feeling more and more bla numb neutral lately over the past 3 or so days. For some reason I won't let myself laugh or get happy about anything. It's almost like it's illegal for me. Just feeling so weird lately. The dizziness is slowly fading but still can notice it. It's a drury rainy day.

Pokémon go and my Fitbit have both made it a lot easier for me to get myself out of the house even when I don’t feel like it. The more I walk the higher my step count gets on Fitbit and I love to see that and I love to challenge myself and the more I walk the more Pokémon I can catch and the more different PokéStops I can check out and spin and check out different Pokémon gyms around the city. It’s really helped my anxiety a lot with getting out of the house. Also even though I don’t feel like going to work tonight I’m motivated to because I can get steps in and catch more Pokémon so it works out

At work on my 30 minute lunch break. They asked me to stay till 11:15pm so I won’t be home till well after midnight and have to leave tomorrow at 9:40am for my next shift

Just got home, it’s about midnight. My back hurts and my feet hurt. My coworker gave me and another coworker a ride to the bus stop tonight since we were both going to take the bus

I hate when customers linger in the store till 2 minutes before closing then decide to come up to the register and with a huge cart filled with items. Or when someone comes up with like 8 items 2 minutes till closing and sits there and is indecisive about every single item while they hold us basically hostage in the store while they wait decide what they want or want to put back. Like I was stuck at the register till like 11:18pm tonight with one guy and the store closes at 11pm. He came up to the register 2 minutes till closing and decided to stand there and be indecisive about what he wanted. And then both his cards declined.

Anyway yeah part of what I did today was recovery (picking up all the clothes and items customers throw everywhere and putting them back) and then part of the night I was the cashier.

'Look, I’m too stressed out
Don’t even know what to think about
Always in and out
My mind, a place where it’s divine
A friend of time
A friend of mine
A friend that always got my ride
A friend that could lead to crimes

If, you take the wrong line
But, that’s if you apostate
That’s if you can cooperate, or appreciate
De-realization
Always got me feeling wasted
Got me feeling different locations

Too much to fear
Too much to hear
I couldn’t take it all in my ears
Seeing black figures near
Feeling death, as my heart pumps faster than my breath
Hearing voices, left and right
Yeah, no one in sight
Couldn’t take my eyes off the light
Feeling like I was in flight
Feeling like I had to fight
Feeling like I was right
Feeling like my heart was about to explode

On another note, I felt it getting cold
Third eye so bold
Too bold, to the point where I see too much
Having your third eye open is a curse and a blessing
Cuz you’re always stressing, always tested
And you always find a misconception
But then again, it could be your friend
It’s there ’til the end
It will show you what you fear worse
Near as long as you don’t oversteer

See, it’s not something cool, just to feel
So don’t do it just cuz it appeals
It’s the real ****ing deal
It’ll make you question who the **** I am
Cuz once you messed up, you’d be like damn
Making you feel like you don’t know who you are
Feeling far, feeling like your mind is at the stars
Yeah, you’re not even close to where you are
So, just stay in place
Breath and pace, and just cooperate
Stay safe, and always behave
Cuz, I’m always here for you, even if you’ve had no clue
I’ll still be here even through the blues
Sincerely yours,

“Timelesz”'
- DPDR lyrics

I feel pretty good mentally. Things are going well with work. I'm getting used to it, getting into a routine with it. It's been 2 1/2 months there now. Pretty proud of myself to be honest. I never thought in a million years I'd be able to handle something like this

Slept about 3 1/2 hours. It’s better than nothing. Heading out in about an hour to work. It’s only a 4 hour shift today. Then I can come home and relax and I’m off for 3 days. Just gotta make it till 3pm today. Tomorrow I get paid

I had a minor toothache all night until early morning. Last night's dinner wasn't soft enough so it disturbed my broken tooth. Doing laundry by hand and will start work soon.

Often I send out to the universe that I'd rather not exist. A voice told me that my wish will happen tomorrow. But no worries I have no hope. That voice has been promising me eternal sleep for a long time. After the 1000th time you start to lose hope.

During times like this it helps me to know that eventually I'll be at peace.

They asked me to stay to 5pm tonight so I’ll be there till 5pm