Roll Call 203

He ended up crashing until Sunday around noon. I had bought him some fresh deli meat and he wouldn't let me have any. I bought it and he wouldn't let me have any. The chicken breast I bought him went bad.

Sunday I made him take a shower bc he smelled really bad and I needed to do this leg pump machine. I have to do it every day. But I was so sleep deprived I fell asleep doing it and he opened up my door and then slammed it really hard and woke me up. It's like he wants my undivided attention.

We have both agreed that for right now overnight visits aren't a good thing for both of our mental health.

I get the feeling from you guys that I'm in the wrong somehow with the way I'm handling him. I can barely take care of myself. I definitely can't have that amount of fear in my house. If I don't get enough sleep I tend to go into a mixed episode. I came here for support but I guess I'm not going to get it.

That food I bought him came out of my food stamps. It was $154. I only get 200. I bought some groceries yesterday and now I have none. I can't afford to to be buying him food with my money. Now I'm going to be really broke next month bc I'm going to have to spend my cash on food.

Hardly anyone posts here anymore but used to be active but everyone left. ItÂ’s really just me here now and I have just been busy with some extremely stressful stuff going on in my life right now itÂ’s nothing against you I just havenÂ’t felt good enough to give support right now. I also donÂ’t have experience with what youÂ’re dealing with as far as taking care of someone with schizophrenia so I donÂ’t want to offer advice when it may not be helpful

You might find more help in the bipolar forum as it’s more active there. Or in the general psych forums or caregivers support thread

I got my locker, vest, box cutter, badge , gloves etc my first full day will be Thursday from 1pm to 10pm so a 9 hours shift. Including my commute /bus wait time that’s about an 11 hour day

Thank you for the explanation. I wouldn't consider myself his caregiver though. I think of myself more as a mother who has a son that gets violent. It's mainly only with me although the formal home he was in he started acting really aggressive and that's why they put him in the hospital. When he was first diagnosed with schizophrenia at 19, I spent days crying. It's just a very difficult situation considering my mental issues as well. I think I'll try the bipolar site since I have that too. Thanks for the information. 😊

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that all this and you’re always welcome to post here , sometimes it picks up in activity. I can try to post more/reply more too when I’m not at work

I have my meeting with social security tomorrow morning then after that I have work from 1pm to 10pm. Im there till closing so I’ll probably be in the store like 30 minutes after 10pm the. But time I get the bus I won’t get home till around midnight. It’s gonna be a long day. Then I have to be up by 6am Friday to get ready for work again. Whoever designed retail schedules to be the way they are is out of their mind.

I have Saturday and Sunday off which is nice.

Then next week I work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. My first paycheck will be on July 12th. Which will include two full weeks work plus orientation so it should be around $700 which isn’t bad.

I have a little notebook they gave me so I can take notes when I’m on the sales floor tomorrow training with someone. Hopefully it’s not too overwhelming. I’m gonna do my best. I think I get an hour lunch break because I’m gonna be there for 9 hours tomorrow.

Also I love their break room. It’s not tiny like the break rooms at my other jobs. It’s actually pretty large. The other ones were uncomfortably tiny where you’d be all up in other people’s space unintentionally cause they were so damn small and cramped. Where it felt very awkward.

Within a few months I should be back ahead financially.

Have work today from 1pm to 10pm. Hopefully it goes well.

Hi orange, i’m rarely around but I saw you’re having cognitive issues with bipolar/psychosis. For me what worked was omega 3. My favorite is an algae omega 3 from Nordic naturals.

Also regarding your son I’m sorry he gets violent but most of us relate to being out of control with psychosis but in a non violent way. What might help is if you talk about you and your experience rather than him. Most of us here are higher functioning and can’t relate to him but possibly can relate to you. I have bipolar/psychosis and found more similarities here than at the bipolar site. What we all have in common is the experience of psychosis.

I wish you luck with your son.

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Well well well. Today was interesting that’s for sure. Had tons of huge orders for huge garage doors, lumber, had to lift 800 lbs of concrete in 8 separate 100lb bags. It was a lot to deal with. It’s a little overwhelming to say the least. I just got home and took a shower. I’m so sore. My feet are swollen and painful and my back hurts. I put some biofreeze gel on my back and feet. It’s like an icy hot type of gel for pain. Idk how long this job will last or if I’ll be able to physically keep up with it. I’m gonna try. But we’ll see. It’s a lot.

I got a $10 tip from a customer today for curbside pickup. I used it to buy some drinks from the vending machine because I was sweating and walking for almost 8 hours straight. I got over 20,000 steps in today.

I have the weekend off work

Are you Sunshine ?

I work 39 hours next week. Which is a ton. I’m gonna have to talk to them after next week about lowering my hours down to about 25 because I can’t be making over a certain amount or it’d affect social security.

I can do one week like that but the rest of the weeks will have to be lower to make up for that. 39 hours is like an hour below full time and I’m part time and they said the position was 25 hours a week

I was able to do some stuff on my own unsupervised at work yesterday. I know I wasn’t perfect but I’m learning. That’s what the first couple weeks are for anyway, learning and asking questions.

I lifted three bags of 80lbs each of concrete. So 240lbs total. By myself.

I’m not trained yet to use the power equipment so I have to ask for help when I need to get stuff that’s unreachable on top stock by a regular ladder. Once I get certified on the power equipment it will save time cause I won’t have to go searching for people to help me that are certified.

I have work tomorrow from 2pm to 10pm. Then I get Wednesday off. I work Thursday, Friday and Saturday. It’s going mostly well, I did take a sick day today because I got zero sleep last night and I figured I wouldn't be productive at all if I was there and I might have had to go up on a tall ladder and that’s not safe on no sleep. I’m not getting in the habit of calling out though. That was the first and last time unless I legitimately get sick at some point like in the winter. I’m just gonna have to get my sleep back on track.

I have bruises all over my legs and arms from lifting 80lb bags of concrete, lumber, garage doors, tile, dealing with pallet jacks etc at work.

Thursday and Friday are gonna suck because I have to head to the bus stop at 4:45am cause I start work at 6am those days. Which means I’ll have to get up by 3 at the latest to get ready and eat breakfast.

I’m still doing my volunteer job too with the cat rescue but on a fill in basis now because my work schedule.

I’m doing mostly good. My mood is good. A little anxious. I have something anxiety provoking to deal with tomorrow morning before work. Other than that I’m good. I’m taking my meds everyday

Im also gonna go grocery shopping tomorrow because I really need some food in the house I’m out of literally everything. I have a few eggs and a biscuit leftover and that’s it.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next Tuesday. Shouldn’t be any changes. I’ve been on the increased dose of abilify (30mg) a month now and it’s going well. My other meds stayed the same.

Still waiting to get an appointment with a new therapist since mine died a couple weeks ago.

I went grocery shopping. Got everything on my list. I have work tonight from 2pm to 10pm. I was looking at who was scheduled today and it looks like I’ll be alone from 6pm to 10pm??? I hope that’s not the case because I still do not 100% know what I’m doing. They’re crazy if they think it’s a good idea to leave me on my own for 4 hours on my 3rd day. There’s gotta be someone there anyway cause I probably get my lunch break around 6pm and it’s an hour lunch break. Hopefully someone else is there in fulfillment cause I can’t do it all on my own yet. Basically my work day is 8 hours today but it’s only really 6 hours 45 minutes of work because I get a 15 min break and an hour lunch break.

I'm still here. Doing well. I got social security straightened out so I don't have to be worried or stressed about that anymore. I did have to leave my job because they were giving me way too many hours and I didn't want to risk it messing up my social security when I just got it fixed,

I'm just focusing on volunteering and stuff now. I feel pretty good on the increased abilify.

My meds now are:

1500mg trileptal
30mg abilify
100mg zoloft
100mg thorazine

My mood is good. I'm a lot less unstable than I was a month ago. I'm still feeling a bit impulsive but am working on that. I was like dysphorically manic for awhile, and THC was making it a lot worse especially my paranoia and at one point psychosis.

I'm trying to live a stable life now. Where I take my meds every day, go to sleep every night, do self care, etc and stay away from recreational drug use. I thought I could like do it in moderation but even the tiniest amount can send me straight into mania and psychosis so it's not worth it.

I met my new therapist last week, she seems very nice. I still miss my therapist I had for 8 years that died recently though.

Anyway, I'm still volunteering with the cat rescue. So I have that going on still. I am resuming violin lessons this month since my finances are back on track.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday. I don't think we'll need to switch the trileptal to lamictal because I seem to be doing well on the increased 30mg of abilify. So that's probably not necessary. Hoping to stay on this combo for a very long time, forever if possible. I've been through so many med changes throughout my life, I'm hopeful that this is the one that I can stay on for years.

I wish I could just be on one or two meds but he said that's not possible in my particular situation. So I just have to accept it.

Hey all, haven't seen a lot of you in a while here, but I wanted to reach back out because, well, I wanted to. I was recently psychiatrically hospitalized for a while so that was part of the reason. And just read an article about how finding support groups is good. So that's good. I suppose so.

I also taught a class on Friday, so I'm pretty proud of myself for having done that because I got out of the hospital on Monday of last week.

I worry about what my neighbors think of me sometimes. I wonder if they think I listen to music too loud. I ruminate a ton. I wonder if that's part of the reason I have depression or rather a depressive diagnosis. I don't know. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I had a therapist once say that rumination actually serves a function. I had trouble believing it.

Hey WA! Sorry you were in the hospital hope you’re feeling better now!

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Hey! Yeah I am feeling better now, thanks, I was in the hospital for 19 days! Mostly it was just boring. I am super glad I am out.

After I got out of the hospital I saw this psychiatrist and she wanted me to do some psychodiagnostic testing, I feel like it is a waste of time, honestly, it seems to me like I should just see my regular psychiatrist and go with that. Honestly, I do not know why I saw this other psychiatrist. My therapist brought it up, but I really, really do not want to do any other psychodiagnostic testing, I mean I think it's really stupid. It could help some people but I've been dealing with mental health stuff for 14 years +. So I don't know if this will help at all. And I don't wanna pay for it either.

It's good to see you WA!