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  #126  
Old Sep 05, 2024, 12:36 PM
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Having a goal to work towards can be helpful and give you a sense of meaning. For me it’s learning the violin and progressing with that with my lessons
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  #127  
Old Sep 05, 2024, 12:42 PM
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I’m doing okay. Dissociating some today. Idk why. Sometimes it just happens. Oh well. Trying to ground myself.

I counted all the candy corn and put it into a huge jar for the candy corn counting contest for the building. There was a lot. Over 1,000 pieces. Whoever guesses right is gonna have candy for a long time lol

I got some fall decor items. Well a coffee travel mug and a tabletop witch hat decor. I’m ready for fall for sure. Tomorrow I’m going to the movie theater to see the new beetlejuice movie. I

I got a new physical monthly/weekly planner. Excited. I love planners. Idk why. They make me happy though. It makes me feel really organized. There’s something about the physical ones that I like better than digital planners.

I’m supposed to be making a sign for the movie night today for the apartment buildings community room. The program person is gonna get the supplies at Walmart today then I’m gonna make it.
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  #128  
Old Sep 06, 2024, 04:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Having a goal to work towards can be helpful and give you a sense of meaning. For me it’s learning the violin and progressing with that with my lessons
I've been listening to TED Talks (or watching them, actually, it's cool). That's great that you've found the violin (or re-engaged in it; I don't know when you started playing, if it was recent or not).
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  #129  
Old Sep 06, 2024, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus View Post
I've been listening to TED Talks (or watching them, actually, it's cool). That's great that you've found the violin (or re-engaged in it; I don't know when you started playing, if it was recent or not).
I played violin in elementary school in my schools orchestra through middle school then lost interest for many years. I started taking private lessons a year ago at 30 years old with a really good violinist/teacher and I’m loving it
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  #130  
Old Sep 06, 2024, 06:10 PM
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The new beetlejuice movie was really good.

The honey lemon chicken I made is cooking right now in the crockpot
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  #131  
Old Sep 07, 2024, 06:39 AM
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I am practicing mindful breathing this morning, and it is really helping me be present.
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  #132  
Old Sep 07, 2024, 11:54 AM
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The honey lemon chicken came out great as usual. I love that recipe. I'm glad I found it.

I slept good. Had a panic attack last night. Forced myself to lay under my weighted blanket and go to sleep early then woke up feeling better today.

Not much going on this weekend. Just enjoying reading a lot on my Kindle. Other than that gonna practice violin since I have a lesson coming up Monday afternoon. Right now I'm learning the Game of Thrones theme song. It's surprisingly easier than I thought. The part I'm struggling with a tad bit is the second part but my violin teacher is gonna help me with that. Mostly taking it easy this weekend as I have a busy week next week:

Monday: Coffee day jn the community room, violin lesson
Tuesday: Inspection, tenants meeting
Thursday: Therapy appointment/starting EMDR, volunteer shift with the kitties
Friday: Psychiatrsit appointment
Saturday: Pharmacy to pick up my meds
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  #133  
Old Sep 10, 2024, 11:06 AM
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Apparently there's some sort of leak coming from my apartment of water, I am not sure what to do about it other than wait. I hate waiting. Anyway, on a positive note, I am doing pretty well today mentally. Just listening to some good music this morning. And typing some stuff. My thesis is going ok. Just gotta get more motivated I guess on it. I don't know how.
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  #134  
Old Sep 12, 2024, 02:32 AM
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Today I am doing well. Finally got back into my routine.
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  #135  
Old Sep 12, 2024, 12:31 PM
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How do you pass boredom without wanting to do anything? I think it's a state called apathy. But it's really hard to get through.
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  #136  
Old Sep 16, 2024, 11:15 AM
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I had my first EMDR session today in therapy
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  #137  
Old Sep 17, 2024, 11:14 AM
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I went to that Italian cafe/bakery by myself today. I got a large caramel macchiato with cinnamon on top and two chocolate covered Sicilian cannolis. It was amazing. I’m so proud of myself because it’s so hard for me to go and do things alone. I used google maps and walked there. I was worried about getting lost because I didn’t know which turns to take but it tracked my movements and told me exactly where to go to get there and the way back. And I sat at the table and enjoyed my coffee and dessert there.

I had a nightmare last night related to past medical trauma (lithium toxicity with seizures and kidney failure, ending up in the ICU for 8 days). Probably from talking about it in therapy yesterday.

Anyway, I’m doing pretty good. About to practice violin. I’m gonna record more ukulele Christmas songs tonight and post them on Facebook
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  #138  
Old Sep 18, 2024, 12:46 PM
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How do you pass boredom without wanting to do anything? I think it's a state called apathy. But it's really hard to get through.
I've gotten through this boredom, but I now have a new issue - I am realizing I am extremely lonely.
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  #139  
Old Sep 19, 2024, 11:59 AM
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I’m just dissociating right now. Have been since earlier today when I got on the treadmill
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  #140  
Old Sep 19, 2024, 12:00 PM
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Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus View Post
I've gotten through this boredom, but I now have a new issue - I am realizing I am extremely lonely.
Sorry you’re dealing with that. I’m very lonely too. I don’t really have anyone to talk to now that I broke up with my boyfriend last month
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  #141  
Old Sep 19, 2024, 12:00 PM
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Going to the food pantry tomorrow morning
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  #142  
Old Sep 29, 2024, 12:45 PM
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Hello, I got a iPad. It arrives on/by Wednesday. It’s the 9th generation one, I also got a case and screen protectors for it. Super excited about it. I’ve never owned an iPad before. I have an iPhone but never an iPad. So so so hyped. I might eventually get the first generation Apple Pencil that’s compatible with it and give a go at digital art.

Anyway, I’m doing well. I vacuumed and did laundry today. Feeling pretty good. Tomorrow I have a volunteer shift with the kitties.

I’ve dissociated maybe twice in the past couple weeks. Idk it feels like it’s happening less than it used to which is good. My anxiety is a little better too.

I had a violin lesson last night. It went well. Have a lot to work on between now and my next lesson.
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  #143  
Old Oct 01, 2024, 05:41 PM
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I got some McDonalds tonight. Also got some new games on Steam. Fae Farm, Coffee Talk 1 and 2, and Tavern Talk
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  #144  
Old Oct 06, 2024, 07:14 AM
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Feel like Pdoc thinks I’m crazy. I’m so scared of what he thinks of me
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haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin
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  #145  
Old Oct 06, 2024, 09:44 AM
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Feel like Pdoc thinks I’m crazy. I’m so scared of what he thinks of me

Hugs.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
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  #146  
Old Oct 07, 2024, 08:31 PM
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Hope you are all doing well, it's been a bit since i've posted. Was going through a really hard time, but I am doing a little better now. Trying to quit smoking, I am on day 1.
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  #147  
Old Oct 09, 2024, 09:19 PM
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Trying my damndest to not dissociate all the time. I have a therapy appointment on Friday and we’re doing more EMDR. Idk what really to expect from the next session cause it’s about something that gives me a lot of anxiety. All I can do is hope for the best. I might have to see if my psychiatrist can prescribe me something for anxiety. I have been trying really hard to not have to do that but it’s been so long and it’s not getting any better. There’s only so many distractions I can throw at it. It’s almost constant. I am probably just gonna see about getting back on propranolol for it since that helps my panic attacks. I definitely don’t want to go back on klonopin. It helped a lot but I’d like to avoid being on something that addictive.
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  #148  
Old Oct 14, 2024, 11:43 PM
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I've been smoking since my birthday. Those awful but cheap "cigars" that look like cigarettes. I'll go back to vaping at some point. When I have a decent supply I usually smoke 2 per day. I've been remembering more of my dreams lately. It's such a gift. I hope everyone is well. I took a break for a few months.

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  #149  
Old Oct 15, 2024, 03:53 PM
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Had a good appointment with my psychiatrist. He increased the Thorazine back to 200mg so I can sleep better. Also he prescribed vitamin d3 and at a lower dose. Cause he had prescribed a different formulation of vitamin D before and at a higher dose and I had a lot of bad side effects (gastrointestinal) so hopefully this kind works out better. I also have an appointment with my regular medical doctor tomorrow. Just to discuss what we can do if this doesn’t go well with the vitamin D3. Since my vitamin D levels are very low. But who knows maybe the different formulation at a lower dose I won’t have any problems with. We shall see. All the other meds are staying the same. (My abilify, trileptal and Zoloft).
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  #150  
Old Oct 16, 2024, 02:12 PM
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I had a good appointment with my doctor. He’s always fun to talk to. We talked about anime some and music and Halloween, bubble tea and Japan. He’s visiting japan next year. He’s my favorite doctor. I’ve been seeing him for a few years. He’s relatively young and very easy to talk to. But yeah he cancelled the vitamin d my psychiatrist prescribed and prescribed it at the lowest dose instead he said we’ll just take it slow and test again in 3 months to see where my levels are at. My levels were at a 9 in June. Which is very low.
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