so she said i'm psychotic.

i don't feel that way.

the only problem that i have is that i can't believe that people care about me. that i think all the people in my life are lying to me all the time. that my family will leave me any time. sometimes when i'm waiting for them at the train station, i think they will not come because they've decided to kick me out without telling me.

that my only friend doesn't really care about me. that my boyfriend is with me just because he wants to do a good deed. i don't believe he loves me - he's just waiting for something better to come along.

you told me once i made you smile, we both know damn well i didn't

on some days i feel like i'm at the top of the world, like i could conquer everything and i don't need these people who are lying to me and are there just to be "good people doing good things to miserable people" - but it's true - i don't need people who don't want to understand me.

now i think that i feel & act this way because my therapist told me i sounded psychotic. she also found out that i quit risperdal and now i have to take it again. i just won't take it, however, it makes me feel bad, all i do is sleep and every time i try to get up in the day time i feel bad. i took 4,5 mg the other day and spent yesterday in bed mostly.

-sigh-

if all antipsychotics make you feel this way nothing will help me. i realise i might need to take one to make the paranoia get better. i don't know. i don't want to accept that i need to take an antipsychotic. i was doing so well in april and may. i only screwed school up. everything else was ok.

my situation is not even as bad as it was last winter. i'm not hallucinating.. except for a few insects. but i was tired. it was 4 in the morning and i had deprived myself of sleep for 32 hours. no wonder i was seeing them.

and now i feel that the people who should want the best for me don't want me to feel - they don't want me to be manic or anything. it's my gift from god. something that nobody can take away from me... and i will proceed reaching for that goal if it is to come..

it is, still, all that i have. if i don't have my boyfriend, and it seems that i wont have him in my life for long, i will only have mania. the only thing that makes me proud of me. the only time in my life when i feel worthy in my eyes, that i am not a complete piece of ****.

why is this so hard? i don't even know what's wrong. i'm torn between halos and horns. :-( (heck my keyboard wanted me to type a smiley face - crazy keyboard)

katie

花鳥風月

c'est tout ce que j'aime

i don't want to accept that i need to take an antipsychotic.

((( Katie-Kaboom )))

Have you told the Dr this? Maybe you could try a smaller dose or a mood stabilizer and see how that works.

Hang in there. Hope you feel better soon.

(((Orange Blossom)))

I have kind of told that I dont want to take them but they keep telling me that I just don't understand that I need them. I'm already both on antipsychotic and mood stabiliser - I agree the antipsychotic could be on a smaller dose. Risperdal makes me so drowsy at 4 mg. I think I will start on 1,5mg (the smallest I can get now, I only have 3 mg tablets that I can split in half) and then see how things get going...

Thanks for your reply - I think I'm managing :-)

花鳥風月

c'est tout ce que j'aime

oh god here i go. the most pathetic creature ever. listening to "i'm a raver baby" and crying. this is crazy. i make no sense even to myself. :-(

花鳥風月

c'est tout ce que j'aime

(((((((((katie)))))))))))

i think the whole world is f-ed up. maybe if we accept that we're all f-ing psychotic and manic and BP and BPD and what ever else then we can all get off the meds and all be crazy together, knowing we are all crazy. i know i was doing better in school before i started the AD i'm on.
hugs to you kiya

((((((Katie))))))

I know the mania is the hardest thing in the world to give up. Perhaps you could ask for a different antipsychotic that brings you down a bit, so you can feel a little bit more even-keel. Sometimes finding that middle ground with medication takes a bit of trial and error. Don't give up on it though. I've seen many, many patients who take their meds get well, feel better, and live happy, productive lives.

What kind of life do you want to live? What are your goals?
Love,
Okie

((((hugs)))) Psychosis is a very serious illness, unfortunately. You do need to take your medicine to be better and to have the best life you can have. If you could remember that your doctor does know best in this case, and remember also that one of the hardest things for you will be to stay on your medicine, then you will do better. It is totally normal for someone with psychosis to go off their medicine, or not begin it, because they don't feel/think they need it (anymore.) That is part of the illness, telling you that, and you simply must have medicine for this.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

Although the giving of medications for "psychosis" is probably the "accepted" mode of treatment in the US and other Western countries, there are other opinions even within the medical community as to what "psychosis" actually is, and the most successful methods of coping with it. One might want to take a look at some of the links in this message:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...93&fpart=1

and other messages posted previously on this forum.

You know... this is exactly what I had been wondering...

"Most Americans are unaware that the World Health Organization (WHO) has repeatedly found that long-term schizophrenia outcomes are much worse in the USA and other developed countries than in poor ones such as India and Nigeria, where relatively few patients are on anti-psychotic medications. In undeveloped countries, nearly two-thirds of schizophrenia patients are doing fairly well five years after initial diagnosis; about 40% have basically recovered. But in the USA and other developed countries, most patients become chronically ill. The outcome differences are so marked that WHO concluded that living in a developed country is a strong predictor that a patient will never fully recover. "

Pachy, thanks for the links!

It is spiritual_emergency's message and research that she has found all these links. They provide an alternative to investigate and see if you think some of the ideas fit you.

/bows

Grateful for all the replies.

I often read spiritual emergency's posts at a time of despair - which help a lot.

However, I gave the med route one more try. Looking forward to psychotherapy as well.

This is so weird. On other days there is no future and on days like this the world doesn't look like a bad place after all.

花鳥風月

c'est tout ce que j'aime

> This is so weird. On other days there is no future and on days like this the world doesn't look like a bad place after all.

Upsetting, isn't it?

(((pachyderm)))

Heheh, oh well, I'm glad there are people who understand.

花鳥風月

c'est tout ce que j'aime

im on meds and id love to ge off of them but it doesnt wortk for me. i tried to do it myself but it just didnt work. i literarly went crazy but i went off them completely, maybe if i do it gradually it would work. good idea anyway.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
maybe if i do it gradually it would work.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I think the same result would emerge once you were totally off them anyway: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
i literarly went crazy

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Discuss any med change with your prescribing doctor, and do what you agree to.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

i tried to get off them, as in completely and suddenly quit taking pills one day with the help of my T and prescriber, but after about two days i could no longer really control myself. i was drowned in severe depression and i didnt sleep at all as long with me doing obscene stuff which endangered me as well as other ppl. it was just too overwhelming to handle by myself. im really considering dropping one of my pills at a time.
like dropping my schizo pills one week, insomina pills the next, depression the next, and so on until they're all gone.
do u think this tatic would work? bc i always hated taking pills and i hate the side effects and really dont wanna stay on them long enough to see they're long term effects.
any advice?
thanx and best of luck everyone.

I agree with Sky: discuss it with a competent authority that you trust (if possible). Going it alone is not always the best thing to do.

Sku: Psychosis is a very serious illness, unfortunately. You do need to take your medicine to be better...

Pray tell.

Katie Kaboom, listen up...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
My personal definition of recovery is based on two essential elements:

- You can say about yourself: I am getting better.

- Those around you, those you identify as your support team can also say: You are getting better.

Source: Personal Definitions of Recovery


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Do you identify that medication as being helpful to you? Does your support team identify it as being helpful to you? If it's helpful, I suggest you continue. If it's not helpful, I suggest you investigate your options.

Your chances of coming off successfully will be increased if you do the following...

1: Inform yourself about the medication -- the benefits, the risks, the side-effects.

2: Inform yourself about the realities of withdrawal. There are some links in the Resources area that can help you in that regard. In particular, I recommend the guide on coming off psychiatric medications, the mind.org link on why people come off, as well as a book by Dr. Peter Breggin titled Your Drug May Be Your Problem.

3: Investigate alternatives -- this could include alternative treatments (i.e., nutritional, talk therapy) as well as coping skills.

4: Solicit the support of your immediate circle -- your family and friends. Some may be supportive, some may be frightened. It's possible you can win their support if you help educate them. That's why the first few steps are so important -- you have to demonstrate that you know what you're talking about.

5: Attempt to solict the support of your doctor. I recall you saying once before that you'd tried to talk to her and you felt easily intimidated. You might find it easier to write her a letter. In the letter, include pertinent details from your homework. Bear in mind, you will have to decide if you're opposed to a specific anti-psychotic (i.e. Risperdal) or all anti-psychotics. If you're content to switch from one to another, that's one thing. If you'd prefer to not have any, that's another.

As an alternative, you may prefer to go doctor shopping for someone who will support you through the coming off process. It may be easier for you to inform your current doctor that you are simply switching doctors rather than attempt to gain her support if you don't think you'll be successful.

Ideally, you will be fully informed and have the support of your family, friends and doctor before you attempt to withdraw. You may find the withdrawal process goes very well; you may find that it's a rough go for you. Remember, you're the one who's in the best position to determine what is helping you and what isn't.

And now, backing up....

Katie Kaboom: the only problem that i have is that i can't believe that people care about me. that i think all the people in my life are lying to me all the time. that my family will leave me any time. sometimes when i'm waiting for them at the train station, i think they will not come because they've decided to kick me out without telling me.

that my only friend doesn't really care about me. that my boyfriend is with me just because he wants to do a good deed. i don't believe he loves me - he's just waiting for something better to come along.

One of the reasons I've been a bit quiet on this front is because I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with a young woman who recently went through an "experience". She's about your age and I assure you, you've crossed my mind in the times I've been talking with her.

One of the things she's found helpful is Jung's Model of the Psyche, particularly the part related to dealing with shadow content. Listen...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The downside to the shadow work is that it involves confronting parts of ourselves which are located in the Shadow precisely because they are frightening or shameful. Jungian analysts advise that this work be done only under the supervision of a Jungian analyst, ignoring the fact that this eliminates a large class of people who cannot afford the services of such a professional. Another book (ref?) suggests that at very least one should do the work with the help of a very close friend whom one trusts in order to have a reference in the external world, an anchor and safe haven and source of reinforcement when dark realizations seem to be all out global truths of complete personal unworthiness.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I have to keep reminding that young woman that I can see her goodness, even if she can't. I also have to keep reminding her that there was a time when I couldn't see my own either but I was very fortunate to have a few people around me who could.

There may be times when you need to borrow the perspective of other people around you. I assure you, I can see your goodness. I have no doubt of it. And I know that the reason your family and boyfriend are there with you is because they can see it too.

You take very good care of yourself Katie Kaboom and pay no mind to the naysayers.

psych16m: like dropping my schizo pills one week, insomina pills the next, depression the next, and so on until they're all gone.
do u think this tatic would work? bc i always hated taking pills and i hate the side effects and really dont wanna stay on them long enough to see they're long term effects.
any advice?

The recommended advice when withdrawing from psychiatric medication is to always withdraw gradually -- never abruptly. It's important to know that many people recover without medication but many other people identify medication as being enormously helpful to them. This is why it's so important that you be able to make your own choices -- because you're the one who knows.

Aside from that, I suggest you follow the recommendations that I made to Katie above. If you're having difficulty finding information, let us know and I'm sure someone here will be happy to point you in the direction of a helpful resource.

Just in case you weren't sure where it was, here's the link to the Resources Topic where you can find the guide on withdrawing from meds as well as the mind.org link I mentioned to Katie. I'd forgotten that teejai also posted a link to a website hosted by Rufus May called comingoff -- another good resource.

<blockquote>
Sky: It is totally normal for someone with psychosis to go off their medicine, or not begin it, because they don't feel/think they need it (anymore.) That is part of the illness, telling you that, and you simply must have medicine for this.

I find that attitude to be completely unacceptable. There are a number of valid and reasonable reasons why individuals who have been prescribed antipsychotic medications might want to not take them -- diabetes, stroke, organ damage, tardive dyskinesia, neuroleptic malignant syndrome, brain damage, death, etc.

It's not enough to suggest that an unwillingness to take medication is a direct result of their "illness" when it may well be that the "patient" has a better understanding of the benefits, risks and drawbacks than others may have.