[Dunno924]

I'm drunk. I've fooled the doctors. Hell, even my blood tests for Clozarine hasn't indicated intoxication. Tell me something (and to be perfectly honest, you seem to be the only ones who could honestly tell me the objective truth), when all you know is the ridicule your mind attacks you with, isn't there an excuse to want to just throw in the towel, declare life as a sick joke, and attempt to slowly (and enjoyably) kill oneself. I feel ashamed over saying what I just did. What if somebody read it and was negatively influenced. All I know is that this is the only place where I could "let it all out," safely.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Dunno924

... when all you know is the ridicule your mind attacks you with, isn't there an excuse to want to just throw in the towel, declare life as a sick joke, and attempt to slowly (and enjoyably) kill oneself....

Yes. But it's better to come here and say what you have to say.

[PsyChris]

Do you feel better after writing that?

[tonalized]

Dont feel bad. Ive started drinking just about every night. I dont feel good about it, but I dont drive or anything. My SZ has been under control for a few years now, but Im depressed, cant seem to find work, and in need of some relief.

"There is one too many faces,
With dollar sign smiles.
I gotta find the shortest path,
To the bar for a while!"
Uncle Tupelo

[Dunno924]

Originally Posted by PsyChris

Do you feel better after writing that?

I wanted to post a message to all of you new friends; however, it seems that you can only reply to posts. I just wanted to apologize for dragging anybody else through my mud. I've been hurting really badly these last few days. I even tried (after I sobered up) to get psychcentral to no post my careless message. The nice thing about this group is that you are qualified to tell me the way it is. I just called my case manager, and asked her if she could find me a new therapist (my last one left). I plan on finally take this ship into shore and really let my doctors help me. I am going to tell them I've been drinking. From here on out I'm going to really try to try out to their suggestions. Like I originally stated, this post is for all you who replied.

[Dunno924]

Originally Posted by tonalized

Dont feel bad. Ive started drinking just about every night. I dont feel good about it, but I dont drive or anything. My SZ has been under control for a few years now, but Im depressed, cant seem to find work, and in need of some relief.

"There is one too many faces,
With dollar sign smiles.
I gotta find the shortest path,
To the bar for a while!"
Uncle Tupelo

Believe me,

I understand. I somehow made it through college in of all things computer science. I know that mainstream people don't want to acknowledge this, but the only thing that got me through those years was the bottle. It's been five years since I've been employed. They told me if I quit drinking I would be my old self again. I stayed sober for two years and suffered even more. Finally, about two months ago I started drinking. I know that many people would call me a bad influence, but my thersapist told me to be honest. I am not fishing for attention. I just want this to be over with. I really appreciate your post. It took guts.