[larmstrong1]

Alright, this is getting a little too much for me to handle.

About four years ago, I started hearing voices. Nothing much, I thought everyone heard them. Then they started insulting me, and started telling me how I was going to die a gruesome horrible death for no reason. Then eventually others started to appear and even started talking to EACH OTHER.
Each one has a different personality.

Then started the social anxiety. I couldn't go out and make friends anymore. I couldn't talk to people because they scared me too much.

Oh. The paranoia. The paranoia is the worst. I have to turn on all the lights in a room before I enter it, check the closet, check under the bed or anywhere else there's even a little space, because I'm so scared of being murdered.

Before I sleep, I have to do all of that, and I have to keep the light on. The light keeps me awake, so I barely sleep. Even if I leave the light off, I jump out of bed at even the smallest creak.

I keep seeing myself being murdered in my own home. I don't want to think about it, but I can't help imagining someone coming up behind me and plunging a knife into my back.

Even now, I can't eat much because I think it's poisoned. Every time my parents or my friends make dinner for me, I can't eat it.

I barely pay attention to anything anymore. The more I focus on schoolwork, the more my mind is drifting off even at the sight of a scratch on my desk.

And, as you can see, I have these little episodes. Where I cry and claw and cut away and tell myself over and over that I'm not crazy, it's all in my head, but it never helps. These episodes are starting to happen more and more frequently.

Yes, yes, I know this is all crazy and I'm just whining.

I told one of my friends and she said I should get help.
So I considered going to a psychologist, and I even told my dad, because I thought I could trust him. And he told me not to seek any sort of help because it would only put more stress on the family.

So, as you can see, that's my dilemma. I can't deal with this anymore, but I can't seek help.

So... Any suggestions on how to control this at home?

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by larmstrong1

I told one of my friends and she said I should get help.
So I considered going to a psychologist, and I even told my dad, because I thought I could trust him. And he told me not to seek any sort of help because it would only put more stress on the family.

So, as you can see, that's my dilemma. I can't deal with this anymore, but I can't seek help.

So... Any suggestions on how to control this at home?

Help for you would put stress on the family? How about stress on you?

I think it would be worth trying to figure out some way to get help in spite of what your father said.

[avmds]

What you write reminds me of myself in a lot of ways, with some differences. Even my dad remains opposed to any efforts I make to get help, as he has for over a decade when I first sought assistance.

I'd agree with the assertion that you need to seek help. If I had listened to my dad, I'd have never gotten help long ago and who knows where I'd be today?

I know you said you can't get help as has been suggested, and you were looking for at-home self-help advice. Well, I don't know anything that would be effective in that regard if it is schizophrenia we're talking about. For the past year I've tried to go it alone without help (the usual meds/appointments), but now it's worse and I have an appointment with the psychiatrist next week. Not trying to scare you since it may be different for each person experiencing this, but I'm just letting you know my own experience in trying to handle this without professional intervention.

I hope you can find a way to get help. Good luck... sorry if what I wrote didn't help much, but I am not an expert, just someone who has it.

[marcelodlanod]

You need meds dude... if you want this to stop.. you NEED help, tell your dad to please get you a doctor. Good luck, and... practice yoga, i heard from my doc, that it helps A LOT.

[larmstrong1]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Help for you would put stress on the family? How about stress on you?

I think it would be worth trying to figure out some way to get help in spite of what your father said.

He said getting help would only worry my mother more, and getting help would mean having a giant black mark on my record forever.

Last night I even tried to tell my mother, and she just came right out and said that I should stop whining because there's bigger problems to worry about than 'hearing voices that aren't there' and to quit being stupid.

[tarabug922]

Something that has helped me in the past is trying to take control of my mind and telling the other voices/people/thoughts that I am in charge and they can't move or talk or do anything until I say so. It usually doesn't work for very long but sometimes its the key, hope that helped,
tara

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by larmstrong1

He said getting help would only worry my mother more, and getting help would mean having a giant black mark on my record forever.

Last night I even tried to tell my mother, and she just came right out and said that I should stop whining because there's bigger problems to worry about than 'hearing voices that aren't there' and to quit being stupid.

Sorry, I don't agree with your parents on this. YOU need help, and are worth getting it. Looking for real help does NOT put a black mark on your record; it puts a bright mark on it for your being brave enough to try.

[e_sort]

Originally Posted by larmstrong1

He said getting help would only worry my mother more, and getting help would mean having a giant black mark on my record forever.

it doesn't matter. ok, so it will be on your medical record. that's because it's a medical problem. you wouldn't avoid treatment for cancer just because it goes on your record. you have this illness, it needs to be treated, it doesn't matter about any records.

Originally Posted by larmstrong1

Last night I even tried to tell my mother, and she just came right out and said that I should stop whining because there's bigger problems to worry about than 'hearing voices that aren't there' and to quit being stupid.

that is a terrible thing to say. you know you can't "quit being stupid". is there anyone else who can help you?

[larmstrong1]

Originally Posted by e_sort

it doesn't matter. ok, so it will be on your medical record. that's because it's a medical problem. you wouldn't avoid treatment for cancer just because it goes on your record. you have this illness, it needs to be treated, it doesn't matter about any records.


that is a terrible thing to say. you know you can't "quit being stupid". is there anyone else who can help you?

No, there's only me and my parents. But thank you, for reassuring me. I think I will get help. My parents can go to hell.