[iskm12]

Everywhere I go I am reminded of another place and time...

I believe I know why it's so awkwad when you leave an institution.
It's like this...
You're in a world
Where everyone tries to help, it's not dog eat dog. Your esteem goes toward other likings. When removed, you're in a world of open shame, because of course the institution is shameful, just well hidden. And you're NAKED to the rest of the world.
I wonder still, which one is real...

confusion becomes madness right? and madness has a patter? I'm not mad. I'm not insane. I'm just tired. Tired of life?

[skymonk]

I know how you feel. I haven't been hospitalized since 2003, but I definitely had that post hospitalization shock you talked about when I checked out. You get so scared that you can't do things alone, of being alone of all of the blackness coming back without the constant help that's available in the hospital. I sometimes feel that way when I've isolated myself for several days. It's like "Oh, there are other people around&they have no idea what it's like to be in my shoes." I was diagnosed bipolar in 2000, but have now been diagnosed as schizo-affective disorder w/bipolar affect. I don't know how to feel about this or what all it entails-I'll be doing some research. Hope things get better for you&that a sense of reality returns-I know how hard it is when you don't feel right. Best of luck

[tarabug922]

Iskm12,

I know you're not insane. Life outside of the hospital becomes more difficult with every day that you're inside. I was in the hospital for nearly a month earlier last year and when I got out I couldn't function. I could hardly walk, for lack of exercise inside and everything took all the energy I had to do. It took a good few months for me to get back on my feet. Thank God for disability. It took probably three weeks to venture further than five miles outside my house and those visits were all to my shrink. So I know how you feel. It's a horrible feeling, but it does go away. I hope you stick it out and know that you're not alone.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[iskm12]

i just want to go back to the hospital where i know i can thrive... its what im use too... outside i feel like everyone is watching me and knows that im crazy... i get scared when walking outside.... alone atleast if im with my boyfriend im fine... co-dependancey strikes again...