The beginning of healing? A miracle known as clozapine.

After 16 hospitalizations, including the current one, I believe the turning point is now. Forced to stay at the ward against my will and take clozapine whether I liked it or not was quite possibly the best thing that could have happened to me.

I see life in clarity and insight unlike anything I can remember in recent memory, maybe ever. I can see my delusional and paranoid beliefs as just that; delusional and paranoid. I am no longer scared of the things that once haunted me daily. I am aware of what is reality, and people in my life already see a massive difference in my moods, and communication. My wife said I am so much sharper and more clear. It’s truly amazing what clozapine is doing for me.

I may be in the ward for another 4-6 weeks. But that is okay. I get to take my time and heal, gain insight, and rest and reset. I plan to make a return my daily life after a rest period at home and begin to go back to my rehabilitation program and photography.

I hope this remains the way it is right now. I truly believe I am about to see a much better life ahead of me.

My 23 year old son was just put on Clozapine. After so many trial and failures of drugs. In and out of the hospital. Try the same meds over and over. For the first time in Jan he became violent. We lucked into a great psychiatrist. He asks for permission to use clozapine. Why did it take this long to find this drug? Why must it be so difficult? I learn many doctors just don’t want to deal with the extra work and regulations. When you reach this point the side effects mean nothing to me. My son is basically dead inside already. What if he had access to this drug at 19? Might he be a functioning member of society? I pray it’s not too late for him to continue to get better on this drug. He was just discharged after 30 days in the hospital.

It’s difficult because it can quite literally kill you.....it’s not just extra work. The regulations are there for safety and that’s why it’s an absolute last resort.

Clozapine is now a drug of last resort since the development of the many 2nd generation APs.

Three years later and the story remains good. I have been on Clozapine for 3 years now and it truly has changed my life for the better. I have not been in the psych ward for coming up on 2 1/2 years now. I am back into my photography work. I am signed up for my first university class starting next week to see if I am well enough to eventually go back to full time university studies. My therapist wants me to do this very slowly, so as to not overload myself. She said my progress must be slow, and I have learned in recent times she is right. I am being patient with myself. Letting myself take each step slowly, and gradually.

There was a time several years ago where I could barely speak 50 words a day. I could not hold a conversation with someone. I slept 16 hours a day and was laying in bed the other 8 hours. Constant voices, fear of prosecution, delusions, paranoia. I still have symptoms from time to time now, but nothing even remotely like where I was 5-7 years ago.

Thank you all for your support. Thank you for believing in me as I heal. Thank you for your friendship. I appreciate it all. <3

So glad you are doing good, Findingreason. HUGS Kit

i was also put on clozapine a bunch of years ago. i tried every single drug or medication to help me. i was also under a psychiatrist who would not take me off prolixin. it made me get tartative dyskinosia. after moving to a different part of the city i mean the outskirts, i found a doctor that did a trial of me on the clozapine. i was doing a 21 day stay because i had a psychotic break, and i swear the clozapine changed my life, after a year on it i was able to take several computer courses and get my bachelors degree. i had most of it done already but could never feel good enough to go back and finish it. ive been on it for several years now and havnt had a hospital stay in years. i even became a volunteer in the hospitals elderly care unit. now i attend our towns local senior center. well i just wanted to share my story because i do think the clozapine was a miracle for me too!