possibly shizotypal please help :(

I don't know what problem i have. I feel like Billy from the novel Slaughterhouse-Five but with mental disorders instead of time travel.

I have so much to say that I don't really know where to start. I have a unfortunate hunch that Schizotypal Personality Disorder might be the anchor of my problems however.

Early Child hood (elementary school)
I've been peculiar since as long as I can remember. Beginning in 2nd grade I started having dreams of extraterrestrial life. I have had many dreams on that topic ranging from many different home planets. I woke up bedazzled by how vivid these dreams were. I began to communicate with them inside of my head. I have memories of being in my 2nd grade class, just putting my head down so I could daydream and communicate with my many home planets. I spent lots of time looking up into the sky wandering when someone would come pick me up to take me home. I had to abstain from emotions like crying because they were human emotions that we did not have back home. I also had fantasies about being naked with women but I did not understand why at that time but that was not also allowed. I had created a safety shield which was in my head where my alien friends could not contact me where I could go to experience emotions and sexual fantasies with out being judged. This safety shield was somewhere I went. It was like being inside of a sphere with an "eraser" at the top that was capable of erasing each and every single movement of time from history.

I used to not be able to swallow while looking at anyone ugly. Otherwise I would have to create their image in my head and say a spell "Super ready set go-go-go-go-go-go-go,etc." and wipe the image away every go I would clack my tongue with my throat to make a noise.

September 11, 2001 I was at recess when when the planes where flown into the twin towers and the pentagon. Being only 15 miles outside of DC fighter pilots where scrambling over the skies. I was spinning around in circles laughing hysterically about being attacked. I'm not saying I'm psychic.... It's just weird because that's not the first time something like that has happened.

Middle child hood (middle school)

To be honest I don't really remember middle school. I remember elementary school much more clear than I do middle school. I remember being bullied a lot. I started to isolate myself but I still fit in with the "nerdy" kids. I don't care about bathing. I go 2+ weeks with out showering at a time. I made my mother cry before because I refused to bathe. I only wear shorts and baggy sweat pants and super baggy shirts. Shorts+shirts are worn in the freezing winter time and sweats plus hoodies are worn in the summer. I don't groom my hair either and I do let it grow.

I still believe I have magical powers. At this time I was still invited to come play basketball and football with the neighborhood kids. I believe I can influence the movement of objects in the air like basketballs and footballs by moving my index and middle fingers in the direction the ball needed to go to avoid getting a basket. I still talk to the aliens even though I stop having dreams. I have a bearded dragon as a pet in my bedroom. I won't get changed/naked in front of him because he is transmitting the visual information to an other room full of other people. The people in the room change from the aliens in my head to girls at school to people who I don't even know. Other animals like flies will also do this to me.

late child hood (high school)

I'm completely isolated now. I no longer have any friends other the two Mormon kids at school. They are the only ones that will be my friends because they were in a similar situation due to their religion. My hair is completely grown out now down to my shoulders. I wear my hair in front of my face so people can't see me. I wear my hood for extra protection when I can until a teacher tells me to take it off. EVERYONE thinks I'm on drugs. Upperclassmen walk up to me and ask me if I can sell them weed, teachers call my parents to find out what drugs I'm taking, and my parents yell at me and corner me to get me to tell them what kind of drugs I'm on and won't take "I'm not on drugs" for an answer. Silently weeping myself to sleep is common.
end of 9th grade - 10th grade
I'm still playing little league baseball despite all of my problems. I guess I do have some friends so I'm being to hard on myself. I take up Weight lifting class and find that I put on muscle extremely easily and quickly become one of the biggest and leanest kids in high school even in the 9th grade. The football coach wants me. I start to play football starting in the 10th grade. I cut my hair and my teachers think they have a new kid in class, girls start to notice me and a lot of people are talking about me. I became popular over night. Even though I'm huge, I don't feel like I'm capable of exerting all of my strength. I can only do that when I'm angry. Giving me the nickname "hulk, tarzan, and even jesus?" I'm pretty useless on the football team but a lot of girls like me anyways because I'm cute. I am however socially awkward and not capable of even having basic conversation with them. Any girl with a crush on me quickly disperses as they learn who I am.
11th grade-12th grade (nothing is really wrong with me at this stage other than obsession)
I start reading pick-up material as in how to get girls to like you and the such as I realize that I'm good looking and my self-esteem improves. I meet a girl one night when I'm out in town. She is really good looking. A perfect 10 in looks and personality and she becomes my girlfriend.

I got her to become my girlfriend by writing an essay pretty much that was supposed to be a spell, folding the paper 7 times, cutting myself and drenching the paper in my blood and then burning it in fire. She was supposed to be my girlfriend until I stopped loving her. Which once I stop loving her, she broke up with me.

I am truly one of the most talked about people in school now despite the fact that I don't talk to anyone. I am Mr. Mysterious. People don't think that I'm socially awkward instead they think that I'm just to cool to pay them any attention. Little do they know that I won this girl over my manipulating her.. I lie and lie and lie my way into a stronger relationship. She thinks I am someone completely different; I'm ok with this. I outsmarted a girl with a 4.0 gpa and have her eating away at all of my lies. She suspects nothing. She does finally break up with me though after I graduated from high school. This tears me apart and starts a new chapter in my life.

after graduation to present life

The fact that she breaks up with me turns me crazy. All of my problems come back. The magical thinking. the weird thought patterns, etc. I have no friends again. I quickly turn to the stoners as they are the only ones who will be my friends now and I partake is smoking weed for my first time. and then blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I drop acid blah blah blah blah blah I drop more acid blah blah blah blah blah blah blah more acid blah blah blah blah hey maybe I have problems? blah blah blah blah more acid blah blah blah blah a little mdma here and there blah blah blah blah amphetamines and pain killers blah blah blah blah I've spent to much time on this I don't even know what this is supposed to prove

And I'm only diagnosed with adhd -.- I just had to rant man. Even if no one reads this it still helps. I went from sober to drunk since I've started writing this. Being drunk has been happening a lot just to dull the pain.

Well...i've only been diagnosed Schizotypal for about two weeks lol. But I don't know that there are any other "active" Schizotypals on here, so i'll tell you just what I can from my two weeks of experience and research.

You say you've felt peculiar since as long as you can remember - I have felt "abnormal" but could never figure out why.

In regards to your safety shield - it could very well be a coping mechanism. I've never had the "eccentric fantasy world" - mine is more based on life as I currently know it. I do think that second grade is too early to diagnose anyone with anything. Many children have vivid imaginations and I think (could be my 'odd beliefs kicking in') that as a people, we are too eager to rush/dismiss those ideas and for children to act like mini-adults. Fantasy is a part of healthy development. In regards to what you actually fantasized about (aliens, and naked women) - i'm not qualified to interpret what that meant for you at the time. I'm sure there was some symbolic relationship around it - but again, thats not something I would be able to identify for you.

I think that the September 11th incident is an ironic coincidence - but I will say "ideas of reference" (which I do do but on a more personal level) is a symptom of Schizotypal.

I'm opposite of you. I barely remember pre-middle school. In fact I often don't feel like I existed before 6th grade. I know on a biological level I did, but my memories (the few I have) don't feel real to me. I can't identify any emotions to many events that I do happen to remember. There just a blink of a memory - never in detail and never complete.

However, you say you were bullied. Dissociation or disconnecting emotionally would have been a very plausible coping mechanism for you during that time period and could (but not necessarily does) explain why you have lost track of those memories.

Believing in having magical powers (again, something I don't have) is considered one of the biggest "symptoms" of Schizotypal PD. I always wished I had super powers (like Matilda) but I never actually thought I had them. I do remember trying very hard to get things to move with my eyes at one point - I felt I could if I focused enough. But I couldn't. And that didn't really surprise me but it was a nice effort lol.

Do you talk to the aliens because they are actually aliens who've developed (like a sibling or real friend) - or you just talk to the aliens so that your subconscious has "someone to talk to"? I talk to myself a LOT but i've kind of realized its because my mind is running too many ways, and thoughts start to counteract each other and when I talk out loud I can focus on one (or two) opinions at a time. Talking to the people in "my other world" is more to gain clarity and develop thoughts. Either way - yours or mine - would probably classify nicely under Schizotypal.

I had one of those popular overnight moments as well (but not for good reasons like you) and still remained (may have even enhanced it) socially awkward. I've always been very good at speaking (and debating, writing, etc.) but i have a "rushed" speech and a lot of people have trouble keeping up. When my depression hits, my speech isn't as rushed but I go off on wild tangents. Its become my norm.

The breakup with your girlfriend (especially as you entered early adulthood specifically) could have very well been a trigger to agitate Schizotypal symptoms if you did indeed have them. I've read that a high functioning Schizotypal is easy to blend in as just eccentric until a stressful event occurs and the "oddities" become more clear.

I think if you truly feel like you have more than ADHD, you should find a local therapist. Explain your dilemma and ask them if they could offer you a way to diagnose. My diagnosis was revealed between my T (who said she already had a pretty good idea what was "wrong" before taking the test) and the Millon Personality Inventory. The only way you'll truly find out is to seek help or guidance from a professional. Otherwise anything I say, anything you think, anything the internet tells you is purely speculation.