Schizotypal Personality Disorder I guess or not?

I really need help about about my personality disorder..I tried all the test about personality disorder in the internet and read all the description and some post related to it..The most common and high result I got was Schizotypal Personality Disorder and when I read other post about the same problem,I found out that I'm pretty similar to what they describe...I guess.I need some confirmation,so that I can handle the problem soon.If things continue,I might turned crazy.

When I was 4-5 years old,my father always hit me when I was being naughty and stubborn and locked me in the toilet for a several hours when he was angry.I think that was the reason why I hate to be alone.When I was in primary school,I did everything and even hurt other people to get attention..I had the urge feeling of being the center of attention and made people praise at my awesomeness but little I know,how much they dislike me about my aggressiveness.I tried to change on the following years but I can't.In the same time,I want to be special and being different from other people.I was really imaginative and tried to make a special character for myself.A character that have a great superpower in somewhere along the universe.With just what I have created,I gain my strength to be strong and be special.When I was 11,my classmates were disliking me more because of my personality.I tried to change again but they still treated me the same.The reason why I became so unsociable with people and like to be alone with my own imagination.It's continue until I turned 13.

When I was 13,my social life was getting worse.The people around the school treated me differently.I was in a boarding school and my family weren't always there for me.I became more unaware of myself and started to feel something special goings on around me..I felt that I can control wind and water and sense the feeling of the tree.I also felt that I have other two more people who lived inside me and control my emotion and movement.It made me feel happy and people started to call me freak.I acted like it was normal but then one night,I got frustrated and broke down.I cried and laughed and felt confused.I tried to be friendly but I had the feeling that they hate for some reason.I was afraid most of the time and hard to control my emotion.The only friend I had that I could share my problem was a boy who sat in front of me.He was a good listener and I was a bit happy to befriended with him until we fought and I was left again to be alone.I hate myself for making people looks down on me or giving me sympathy.I didn't want any of that,I just wanted to be cared by someone and made me important in their life.I fought with this one girl and was called by counselor.She decided to give me holiday and when I returned to the school,I didn't even have the feeling to have a talk with any of them and hate them for the rest of the year.I got to change to a new school which made me feel at ease.

My new school is just like in my previous school,I was still called freak but I took that as compliment.I tried to be friendly and they started to liking me and my grade turned the better.I started to forget everything in past and turned to a new person and gain a lot of friends.I was happy for two years and when I turned 16,it started all over again.I was on my low-esteem and stressed out a lot when I started to think that people around me were acting differently.I didn't want them to hate me and left me alone.I was on depressing and until now,I'm 17 this years and things returns just the way I hate it..I faces a lot of mood swing and sometimes,something that's small made me angry and they said that my behavior was getting weirder and became more scary.It just that,I got the feeling that all the people around me hate me when I fought with any of them.They treated me cold and for some reason,I cried every 10 minutes just only thinking about it.Then,automatically,I became like an innocent and cheerful child and started to cling on them to gain comfort and attention,the feeling of making me feel at ease and calm.Not just only that,My speech is getting worse and when I tried to elaborate something,they just could't understand what I was trying to say.Unconsciously,I just mixed everything and every word up and I didn't know the reason why.My tongue is like twisted.I started to forget things easily especially people's names and it's hard to remember something too.I often got into fight with my brother because of small things and my mom wasn't pleased by our action.When I was in the toilet,I felt that I can control the current.When I switched on the light and it flickers,I would feel that my emotion produce electricity and I felt everything is so awesome just like the feeling when I was 13.When I saw my nail has a small white spot,I had the feeling that someone from other world was dying and he need my help.I really want to travel to the other world and help everyone in there with my superpower.I still hoping for no reason,I just want everything to happen..I still waiting..or maybe I was being watched by some agency or black spirit and they are trying to test and attack me? Maybe I have superpower after all??

I'm losing myself..Do I have schizotypal? or borderline? or Histrionic or anti social personality disorder? I just don't know..sorry if what I wrote,made you hard to read or understand.By the way,thank you for taking time reading them. I need some confirmation.This is true,I'm not making it up..I have been writing it for 2 hours just to explain my feeling and what had happen in my life.For now,I just will try my hard to move on in reality and live happily just for the better..

Hi Core. I did read everything you wrote, and I do believe you. I'm sorry to hear about your dilemmas.

Honestly, no one here is going to be able to "diagnose" you with anything, so I think the best thing would be to seek a psychologist who is better equipped at that sort of thing.

From what i've read throughout the site and my own struggle with SPD, I read traits that could suggest Schizotypal, borderline, bipolar, histrionic, narcissistic and antisocial pd. So honestly, its not really a simple "cut and dry" scenario. And the truth is, you can have more than one disorder (i have schizotypal and dependent) or none at all.

I do think you'll benefit from seeing someone (a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist) and being tested, but also the relationship that therapy provides (comfort, listening, safety). However, I know you're young, so you will probably have to go through your parents at least until you are 18.

I do wish you the best of luck and hope things get better for you. Feel free to private message me if you ever just wanna chat.

Hi tealBumblebee,thank you for believing me and gave me advice..I'm so happy that someone finally reply my first post.I was so scared if no one read and reply it..
All these time,I thought that I can handle everything myself,acting that I can change people for better but in reality,I just pretending to be okay..actually I don't even recognize myself anymore..sometimes,I felt helpless..
Do you know what,my ambition is to be Psychologist..I want to treat people who had the same problem as me.I believe that every experience that I can overcome,I can share it with them..but I still can't overcome these problems all myself..Do I deserve to be like them? I really want to meet someone who can treat me but I am afraid that they don't believe me..As for me,the personality disorder sound so serious and I might be just wrong about everything.Of course,my dad wouldn't believe me because there is no one in my family has the same problem as me or maybe they have but thought that it's simply just normal..I don't think it was normal because I'm not alone.There are people out there who are facing the same problem and they are under treatment from professional..The only treatment I have is listening to the great songs.It made me calm and motivated for a while but still not enough to heal me completely.Sharing problems with someone close is good too but then,I'm afraid that they will give me sympathy or maybe running away from me.When I'm remembering my past,I just want to cry..the feeling of great emptiness..Do you feel the same way as me?

Sorry I took so long to reply.

You're welcome. Glad I was able to give you a reply (although i'm sure you have a million by now on your other posts!) I understand about not recognizing yourself anymore, it happens to a lot of people. The key is to tap into those parts that seem foreign and to make a conscious decision to change those for how you want them to be (as opposed to how they are or how they have been).

If your dream is to be a Psychologist, I say go for it. Never allow any one or any illness stand in the way of your desires. I believe the mentality you have about sharing your own experiences can be quite affective as my T does the same quite often with me.

Personality disorders are quite serious I imagine (I can't tell if i act my label or my label is legit sometimes). I don't think you're "wrong" per say, I think that a professional would just more astute on the subject as opposed to you or I's mere speculation.

I get the whole, maybe the family has issues as well without realizing it. I actually read that a lot of people with Schizotypal PD (and other pd's) don't actually seek treatment for the disorder, they seek it for something else and the disorder is detected. For instance, I didn't. I went to T because I was having suicidal thoughts and know from experience that thats a bad trend for me. After some evaluation, she decided a test was in order and it revealed Schizotypal among the other things. Was a great way to summarize my issues as a whole

Music is actually a very good coping mechanism, so you're right, although it doesn't heal - it does comfort. Even if you were to get treatment from a T, music could still provide you with a little extra leverage. Don't give up on it! I would be wary about sharing problems with someone close though, maybe because I have trust issues, but basically in doing that you just never if the response will be good or proper so you're taking a big chance there.

I do feel empty a lot, though not so much lately thankfully. It's a common description that depressed people offer when describing how they feel, so yes I totally do get it.

Have you made any progress since the last time we spoke?

Both Coregurlz and Helpme2013

really tealBumblebee said it best so far. We can not diagnose anyone. How can we? Even doctors some times are wrong and they are trained professionals. You really both need to see some one for help. Core, see your school counselor they may be able to get you in touch with the appropriate people to help you. Helpme, you need to see a doc asap before you spiral out of control.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. When some thing is wrong with our body we see a general practitioner doctor, when there is some thing wrong with our minds we see a psychiatrist. Both are doctors and we need both!

Good luck to both of you!

I've been okay how am I gonna spiral out of control?

I'm fighting pure -o / harm-ocd/intrusive thoughts/ intrusive images/ false memory / delusions / and I quit weed already for 4days

I quit weed cause I need to be sober when the intrusive thoughts hits me I use my memory of reality to fight it off