Fear and paranoia

The first serious thing i remember was when i was 7 years old, when i saw a man across the street when none of my siblings could. I've seen the same figure several times till now, tall, manly but i've never seen an actual face. Across the street, outside the window, across the hall.. Sometimes it's just shadows on the wall, others is Him.

It's not always there, but when it is it scares the **** out of me.

He's not present often for the past year when i'm up and walking or during the day but I can feel him touching me, or watching me. It's still annoying and scary though.

I can't sleep at night for around 10 years now and i barely get any sleep the past few months. I sleep a few hours every two days or something. I'm afraid to even close my eyes. I hear steps outside the door or in the next room and i feel hands touching me, or hurting me.

I have to keep the windows closed even during the day and i have to check the closets and the rooms around the house all the time in order to make sure no one is there. It's like a 24/7 fear that someone is trying to kill me and i see that figure each time i close my eyes (not to go to sleep).

I'm afraid to do anything actually. I don't go out anymore at all and i have no friends left, i feel like i want to scream and run away from all kinds of social situations. I'm bored to death.

It's also really hard to work or do anything for the past year. I can't concentrate on anything, i get up to go take a bath and i end up watching videos or playing random games or reading random stuff on the internet and before i know it i've spent 5-6 hours of my life for nothing. I always had issues concentrating or finishing tasks but it's never been this severe and it keeps getting worst.

As for my mood. It's pathetic. I don't take care of myself anymore, i feel alone, empty, i cry for hours for no reason, everything is pointless. I wonder if things will ever get better and i actually hope they will. I'm 30 and my life -which has always been a mess- is falling apart for good.

I've recently decided to see a doctor again. She said it's schizotypal disorder and didn't suggest any meds, just psychotherapy. The thing is i feel like **** because i'm paranoid, scared and stressed all the time and the lack of sleep is making everything worst.

It's good talking and taking it all out, because im totally freaking out here.

Under_Construction, I am sorry you are having to deal with all these problems. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about taking a sleep med anyway. And I suggest you stay in therapy, so you can work through whatever this issue is. I hope you will start feeling better soon.

I did talk to her about sleeping meds, but she said it's not necessary! I'm actually thinking of seeing a second doctor and then decide with which i'll stay in therapy with! I hope i'll start feeling better soon too! Thanks dear!

I suggest you face this by simply shutting your eyes, sleeping, and just allowing whatever will happen to happen. Although it may be a bit scary but you will feel much better afterwords. I've never experienced anything anywhere near this level of lasting torment. However, I certainly have gotten really paranoid about nonsensical things that would just sound completely nuts and on one occasion even had the full alien abduction experience, they came in my room and stuck a needle into me, telepathically communicated and all that stuff. Thing is, I never really was abducted and none of the stuff I was paranoid about was actually real but simply facing the paranoid fears gave me peace of mind.