A whole lot of nothing

I was diagnosed as being schizotypal a few years ago. I looked up the criteria and with the exception of magical thinking it fit me to a T. The doctor prescribed me 1 mg Klonopin a day for anxiety and that seemed to help quite a bit. He was a really nice guy and we got along well but he recently moved his practice.

I was able to find another doctor to continue prescribing me medication but I didn't trust him and after only a couple visits decided to stop seeing him. I slowly tapered myself down from 1 mg daily and am currently at .25 mg a day, which really doesn't do anything for my anxiety, but I'll be able to finish tapering myself off without any foreseeable problems if I can keep my anxiety in check.

Finding another doctor isn't an option. My physician is willing to prescribe me an SSRI but is against prescribing me a benzodiazepine, and I'm against taking an SSRI so we're at an impasse. I don't want to go doctor shopping for a doctor that will continue my Klonopin so I'm just going to stop taking meds.

I have other potentially serious health issues my physician wants me to address but I'm not planing on it. They involve some invasive procedures and treatment will leave me in a bad way for an extended period. I don't have anyone I can depend on and can't afford to feel any worse than I already do, so I'm going to decline and take things as they come. I don't see the point anyway.

I have my own apartment, live alone, and spend almost all my time home alone. The only time I go out is to go to the store or laundromat and it's been almost three years since I've been to anyones house socially or had a visitor. I don't trust the people I used to consider friends and before I stopped visiting them it seemed like I couldn't wait to get out of there and get back home if I did. A phone is an unnecessary expense and I'm going to cancel my service when my contract runs out.

I live in a large apartment building but generally stay to myself and speak if spoken to. I stepped into the lobby a while back just in time to hear a couple of the people who work in the building talking about me, and to hear one of them say "There he is now" before they both stopped talking. They all look at me funny and now I feel like everything I say or do is fodder for gossip, so the less interaction I have with anyone the better.

I'd like to move but am on a fixed income and a good apartment is hard to find. I'm in a good location and it's within my budget so I can't really afford to move, but feel like they could kick me out at any time, or at least be glad to see me go.

Trouble with neighbors, trouble with management, trouble with people in general. It goes on and on but I don't want to go into detail or bore you anymore than I already have.

if you want an antianxiety that isnt an ssri or benzo you could try buspar. it works great for my anxiety.

Thanks, but at this point I'd just as soon get off meds if at all possible and not have that hanging over my head.

I have liver problems too and that's one of the things it lists to advise your doctor of before taking Buspar.

It sounds like you should be on something. How dangerous are your health problems? You're not really clear as to what the doc wants to do. I think you should keep pdoc shopping.

I get you when it comes to not going anywhere or having people over. Meds kind of helps but I think age has got me stuck in my ways. I also think the local police have 'clued in' my new apartment manager--was psychotic and had run-ins with cops a few years ago. I'm good now but it's not like the cops keep track.

I just had some blood work done and my cholesterol levels are high enough to worry him. He stated that according to some Heart Assn chart it doubled my chance of a heart attack or a stroke in the next 10 years.

He wants to start me on a Statin drug but is concerned about it effecting my liver. I have Hepatitis C, so he wants to refer me to another doctor to treat that and then deal with the high cholesterol.

Treating the Hep will involve a biopsy, which I don't want to have, and I don't think the guy he wants to refer me to will treat me without one. I saw him about this time last year and had one set up, but I couldn't drive myself out and back and a cab wouldn't do. I didn't have anyone to drive me, or sit with me for several hours afterwards to make sure I didn't bleed to death, so I canceled out on it.

Even if I go through with the biopsy, treatment consists of 3 months treatment on the new drugs which go for a total of over $80,000 for the 12 week course. From what I understand from people who have taken it it still has a lot of bad side effects. That's if I can get approved for the new drugs. If I have to go on interferon, which is like chemo, that's even worse.

Right now I take care of everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. myself and don't have anyone I can depend on to help me out if I'm sick as a dog for 3 months. I already deal with fatigue and can''t afford to feel any worse than I do already.

If he would do it, I'd like for my doctor to treat me for Hep without having the biopsy and let me try to get the cholesterol level down by a change in my diet over the next 3 months while I took treatments. My next appt isn't till next month so I haven't asked him yet, but am doubtful he'll go along with it.

If not I'll probably forget about it and deal with it. I've lived with it for over a decade. It hasn't killed me yet and if it does I can't say the thought scares me any. I came to terms with my mortality years ago. I don't want to have a stroke and end up in a nursing home though. That would be a fate worse than death IMO.