Explanation

Since I am new and, anxious to interact, I am posting this advanced version of the previous blog.
I will try to get away from intellectualization, but sometimes that need needs to be met, since most of my survival so far , resulted from education.

The phobia to be seen, derives from my Jewish mother's like preoccupation with identification issues during the onslaught of the Hungarian program, which took up slack, due to the virulent anti semitism of an incoming prime minister, during 1944' the year of my birth. This caused to avert normal identification of a Lacan type self realization, with foreseeable consequences, had my fractured family not emigrated. The new environment , would have afforded me successful entry into a gradual social assimilation, but my poor mom, an escapist herself, reinforced staying at home and watching tv, using and drinking , rather than going out to look for a job, for instance.

Apart from this, I have developed many personas to fit different situations, so that the participation in a social situation has become mystical. (Levi Strauss).

That is the reason, looking back, that I chose for a wife, a member of a primitive culture, I suppose in most part.

The persona is a facade, a variably inauthentic version of an ideal self, alternating with authenticity, with those people, With whom I can garner some
remote recognition of affinity. Well enough for now.