break from reality

I've had one counselor tell me I had Schizotypal tendencies. I ignored him at the time because I felt he was full of it. Like so many other councelors he just strung me along, week after week, with no substance or progress until I quit going.
Recently I've finally made the connection in my behavior and with the help of my wife I can totally see that I have Schizotypal traits. Basically the way I talk and interact with people makes it obvious. I really am 'that guy' that I used to also talk about. WHatever disconnect I have, and I can't explain what it is, makes me say things that sound off, or wierd to other people. I don't ramble nonsense. All I know is that in emails, IM, phone calls and in person, when I think I'm having a normal conversating, there will be awkward pauses, and I will see other people exchange knowing glances.
I know I'm paranoid, but just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't judging me and that I'm not weird!
My big fear now is that this will cause me to get fired. I work at a pretty corporate job, with all the backstabbing, gossip, etc. I do damn good work, because I'm smart, but I'm also super conscientious and I don't want anyone to think I'm slacking off. I don't project enough self confidence and I know people don't like that. How do you other people with Schizotypal deal with the workplace?

Hello ghtyui: I'm sorry I can't comment with regard to your concerns. I was once given an MMPI to complete. The report said I had "schizoid traits." I still don't know what that means. No one ever discussed the results of the test with me. They just stuck it in a file somewhere & that was the end of that. I think the only reason they gave it to me was because they knew my insurance company would pay for it. Anyway... since this is your first post here on PC... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

well thanks, I'm welcome to be welcome here. Thank you.

Hi Ghtyui!

I've been diagnosed with Schizotypal personality, for I guess a couple years now (time flies!). I'm sorry that you have had a bad experience with prior therapists. Having one you mesh well with makes a HUGE difference.

It's totally okay, to observe and evaluate your actions. I remember when I was first diagnosed, everything I did, seemed odd or wrong or weird. Then, I went through the "just embrace the wierdness" phase, and finally it's just something on my record that explains a few of my oddities and nothing more.

What may seem obvious to you, may not necessarily be obvious to them. Most people have never heard of it, outside of the psych realm. I've explained it to quite a few people who've been receptive of it and "get it" - and also don't associate it with schizophrenia.

I understand the disconnect you feel. It is me to a tee. Those awkward pauses and glances that they don't think you noticed, but you notice all too well can make you feel soooo crappy.

I have been working at the same job for about 5-6 years now. The environment i'm in (emergency room) has a quirky atmosphere in general. I work very hard to stay out of gossip and if i'm speaking of an oddity (I have a problem with saying highly random things that can throw people for a loop), I just preface it with "I know this is random but..." My coworkers are just as gossipy as the next, but they have gotten used to my oddities and the newer people who have yet to figure it out I either leave it to be their problem and not mine, or my coworkers will explain my personality (they dont all know of the dx) to people who just don't understand.

I work adequately, am super friendly and have good intentions. It's all I can do to do my best. The rest is a "them" problem not a "me" problem. I suggest you continue to work hard, encourage yourself with positive self talk, if a situation feels testy TALK about it! Call people out (in a respectful way, I usually use a joke). If they're glancing, let them know - "Yes, I know that was an awkward moment wasn't it?!"

I hope this is more than just blabber and helps a little bit

That's so awesome you get what I'm talking about. Thanks for the comment!