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Desoxyn
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Desoxyn We are one mind
 
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Default Oct 24, 2019 at 07:46 PM
  #1
I was talking to people on tinychat and they're saying to get a girlfriend and I said I'm asexual but might when I'm older and finished working on myself first. I just don't want to be in a relationship I'd rather be alone.

There's this person that has been giving me advice and he says I'm lost and need to find something like a passion or something worth dying and living for but I have no idea I've been depressed most of my life and see a pointlessness to a lot of things.

He said to stay away from religion but I don't need religion and I'm way passed that and idk.. I never saw the point of people dying for their country..

He said I could end up a serial killer but there's no way that I could be that. I love people and have my own basic passable morals more than most people. He was accusing me of thinking of hating women because I said that I'm asexual and I said that I'm not an incel that has been rejected by women. I just never wanted a boyfriend or girlfriend in the first place.

He said that I could easily end up being angry and that anger is bad. I don't get angry because I'm not lost.

I'm sick of people putting me into boxes and assuming things about me. I wasn't moving because I was anxious and he was judging my body language.

Am I actually lost? I know exactly who I am. I just don't like talking about sex because it's boring and that's a lot of what people seem to talk about.

I'm sick of people judging me because I don't want to have sex. I tried every drug and no one else does. I don't tell them to do that exact thing.

They wanted me to join a sports team like wtf? Why? That makes me anxious because it's pointless to me to do something that I don't want to do to make friends. I'd rather have no friends or find friends that do things that I do like.

I went to the community outreach centre when I moved here and didn't feel like doing any of the things that people do to socialize. They all seemed boring and childish.

Maybe I should just be cynical. Maybe life is just what I thought it was all along when I was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder.. Life is a meaningless game to procreate and die. Not for me though. Maybe for most people that is all they see.
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Trig Oct 26, 2019 at 05:48 AM
  #2
I am 25 and I get the same questions asked to me " why arn't you with someone?. why havon't you had a kiss?" I'm not interested in relationships

even if someone was interested in someone who dropped out of school and now spends her days sat in a chair eating junkfood, I'm not. I want to be alone and I think that's fine

as for the whole being lost thing, it's a tough one because it's something only that person can answer.

I would call myself "lost", defenetly. I am not happy in my life, and have asumed for so long that happyness is somewhere, but I just can't find it- weather that's because I don't know what I want (I don't know), or if my expectations are just impossible (such as living in a world with no expensis, and magic), I don't know. maybe a bit of both

you wrote:

Life is
a meaningless game to procreate and die.

I agree with this statement that life is meaningless, and I have always struggled with this.. you could be the most successfull, kindest, most happiest person in the world, yet at the end of it.. does it matter?. it's all taken away from you when your time on this earth is up. seems a bit unfair that sometimes the people who don't enjoy/ get anything out of life have to live the longest, but that's just the way it is I guess
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Default Oct 26, 2019 at 07:16 AM
  #3
I can relate. I want a relationship but not at the cost of having a bad one. And at this time in my life that is all I see around me. So I am actually content with not being with someone. People still have to judge me about it. A lot of people imho do so because they have put a relationship or sex up on a pedestal as an achievement for themselves. And, if you don't value it as a major achievement, it lessens theirs. They don't give a crud about you, they want you to be in a relationship to make their sacrifice more important.

Some believe that life is not about reproduction, rather it is about being able to impact the world. That we are all matter and energy and matter and energy itself cannot "think" or "suffer" so it has created a life form that can do that. Each part of this energy gets to be in human (or cat or dog) form and impact the universe with their mind and also learn to experience things so that when it returns to energy form... those experiences are passed on. Like an ocean that has been divided up into cups. Having sex or being married is one experience out of billions. Your experience is just as valuable to the collective as any other.
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